How Embracing Tolerance Has Failed Us | Dr. Kristen Donnelly | TEDxSouthLakeTahoe
This talk argues that true diversity cannot be achieved by merely grouping disparate people together, asserting that the genuine goal must be *inclusion*, which requires practitioners to first understand their own privileges and then engage in "radical, inclusive, intersectional hospitality." The speaker warns that merely checking a "tick box exercise definition of diversity" is insufficient, citing that understanding reality—the complex intersections of identity—is necessary to move beyond the limitations of mere tolerance.
## Theses & Positions
- Diversity is a *reality* inherent in every human being, not an external goal to be achieved.
- The goal should be *inclusion*, not diversity, because diversity is a natural state.
- *Tolerance* is described as the "cheap imitation of both" diversity and inclusion.
- Recognizing one's own privilege and oppressions is the "first step to moving away from that tick box exercise definition of diversity."
- The shift from merely being hospitable to practicing *radical, inclusive, intersectional hospitality* is necessary for profound change.
- The primary mechanism for change is active listening and questioning one's own worldview to adopt others' perspectives.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Diversity** — The inherent state that "every group you are in is already diverse because every human being carries diversity and difference within them."
- **Intersectionality** — Term coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw in the 1980s, used to describe how interlocking systems of oppression mean lived experiences are not singular (e.g., Black women experience different marginalization than white women).
- **Privilege** — The advantages or assumptions built into the default idea of "ideal human," which is presumed to be a white, upper-middle-class, educated, cisgendered, heterosexual male who is completely able-bodied.
- **Equity vs. Equality** — Equality means everyone should have equal access; equity takes equality and "adds restitution for systemic and historical oppression," requiring a reshaping of systems.
- **Center vs. Othering** — Oppression and privilege do not move culture to culture, but "centering and othering does," illustrating how status shifts depending on the geographic/social context.
- **Radical, inclusive, intersectional hospitality** — A necessary commitment that involves actively listening, asking questions, and listening more, going beyond simply feeding the hungry.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Identifying Privilege/Oppression:** Analyzing oneself through intersections (e.g., white, woman, middle class) against the ideal human standard to determine what aligns with existing systems of power.
- **Operationalizing Intersectional Worldview:** Applying the concept of intersections—which are like roads—to understand how multiple facets of self define experience.
- **Moving toward Inclusion:** This process requires confronting one's own privilege in order to understand systemic oppression ("I had to understand my privilege so that I could understand oppression").
- **Shifting Worldview:** This occurs when one "listens to somebody and get to know them and expand how you see the world just a little bit, via theirs."
## Named Entities
- **Kimberlé Crenshaw** — Legal scholar who coined the term "intersectionality" in the 1980s.
- **Lenni Lenape** — Indigenous group whose traditional lands the speaker was born and raised on.
- **Tropical Location Examples:** Philippines, U.S., Malawi, Japan, Azerbaijan, United Kingdom (used to illustrate how the value of a shared interest changes geographically).
## Numbers & Data
- Year Kimberlé Crenshaw coined "intersectionality": **1980s**.
- Age of the speaker when the initial event occurred: **11**.
- Current age of the speaker: **37**.
## Examples & Cases
- **The Soup Kitchen Event (11 years old):** Group created "tick box exercise definition of diversity" by bringing white and Black youth together, but no "significant relationships were formed," demonstrating superficial diversity.
- **Personal Identity Listing:** Speaker listing attributes: "I’m white. I’m a woman. I’m middle class. I am more educated than is common. I am a business owner who is vaguely obsessed with Captain America and who can sing every single word of “Hamilton.” I’ve lived outside the U.S., I’ve married to an immigrant, and I was born and raised on traditional Lenni Lenape lands."
- **Oppression vs. Privilege Example:** Being a white woman carries more privilege than Black, Asian, Latino, or indigenous women, but still includes oppressions related to womanhood.
- **Ideal Human Standard:** The default idea of "ideal human" is a "white upper-middle class, educated, cisgendered, heterosexual male, whose BMI is medically acceptable and who is completely able-bodied."
- **Personal Choice Example:** Choosing not to have children, which "others" the speaker relative to assumptions about women.
- **Comparing Concepts:** The ability to discuss Liverpool Football Club is more valuable outside the U.S. than discussing Philly's baseball within the U.S.
- **The Oz Analogy:** Seeing the world only through one's own worldview is like Kansas; engaging with difference is going to Oz.
## Tools, Tech & Products
- None explicitly named, but concepts function as frameworks:
- **Intersectionality:** A framework for understanding interlocking systems of marginalization.
- **BMI (Body Mass Index):** Cited as a cultural conditioning example that does not equate to actual health.
## References Cited
- **Kimberlé Crenshaw:** Coined "intersectionality" in the 1980s.
- **"Hamilton":** Showed an ability to sing every single word from the musical.
- **Lizzo / Malala / Trayvon Martin:** Used as modern examples of individuals whose identities are too complex for a single label.
- **Dorothy Gale / Kansas / Oz:** Cultural reference used to illustrate the necessary shift in perspective.
## Trade-offs & Alternatives
- **Equality vs. Equity:** Choosing equity because it "takes history into account in a serious way so that we can rewrite the world and fix these systems."
- **Tolerance vs. Inclusion:** Tolerance is insufficient because it allows people to "soothe ourselves and stay in our bubbles."
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The speaker acknowledges that the concepts discussed are complex and that understanding difference does not mean "approving of actions or agreeing with thought processes."
## Methodology
- **Self-Reflection:** Mandatory process involving listing one's own varied identities and privileges to build self-awareness.
- **Active Learning:** Requires "reading books by authors we disagree with and watch documentaries about cultures we know nothing about."
- **Deep Listening:** The act of asking questions and listening repeatedly to decenter one's own worldview.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- The primary recommendation is to stop practicing mere "hospitality" and start practicing *radical, inclusive, intersectional hospitality*.
- To begin, one must "throw open the doors of your life and allow other people to walk around inside of it," with the first reaction to difference being curiosity.
## Implications & Consequences
- Remaining in a state of "tolerance" keeps society trapped in the myth of "separate but equal."
- Failure to adopt intersectional hospitality leads to repeating historical patterns of exclusion, leading to being "doomed."
## Verbatim Moments
- *"Diversity is understanding that every group you are in is already diverse because every human being carries diversity and difference within them..."*
- *"Diversity is reality, and inclusion is our goal, and tolerance is the cheap imitation of both."*
- *"Black women suffer more than white women because of systemic racism, societal prejudice, and so forth."*
- *"I am white, which is a privilege everywhere, even when I'm in the physical minority. I am a woman, which is an oppression everywhere, even when I'm in the physical majority."*
- *"The default idea of “ideal human” is a white upper-middle class, educated, cisgendered, heterosexual male, whose BMI is medically acceptable and who is completely able-bodied."*
- *"Equity takes history into account in a serious way so that we can rewrite the world and fix these systems."*
- *"Tolerance is garbage, and we have got to get rid of it. Tolerance flattens diversity. It erases it."*
- *"I had to open my brain as well as my home. I had to stop practicing hospitality and start practicing radical, inclusive, intersectional hospitality."*
- *"Only seeing the world through your own worldview is Kansas."*
- *"And I don’t think it’s going so great."*