Dossier

EROTIC DANCE: The Key to Finding Your Way Forward | Annalise Oatman | TEDxBorrowdale

The speaker shares that her path to self-discovery involved navigating grief over unfulfilled relationship and family dreams, leading her to realize that true guidance comes from internal work, specifically a combination of erotic dance and journaling. She argues that tapping into *Eros*—defined as an archetypal, embodied longing—is the essential force that restores intrinsic motivation and allows women to forge authentic paths rooted in purpose rather than performance. This process can be initiated by setting a song, moving with the body, and immediately writing what feels true for three minutes.

## Speakers & Context
- Unnamed speaker; relates personal journey regarding fertility, relationships, and personal crisis.
- Context is a personal talk offering guidance for women, emphasizing internal self-discovery over external validation.

## Theses & Positions
- The most profound guidance comes from deep within oneself, not from external sources like psychics, shamans, or counselors.
- The purest way to love someone is sometimes to let them go rather than forcing them to want what you want.
- *Eros*, when capitalized (as in *Eros*), represents an archetypal force accessible through embodied feeling, which is the key to unlocking intrinsic motivation and clarity.
- Women are empowered to blaze utterly original paths when they reclaim their own erotic essence, focusing on being whole people rather than solely defined by partnership or motherhood.
- Life's movement toward clarity can be found by directing attention from the intellectual "head" to the embodied "body."

## Concepts & Definitions
- **Eros (capital E):** An archetypal force; a feeling accessed internally, described as "that sweet, embodied longing and craving that comes from our deepest self"; not necessarily always sexual.
- **Erotic Dance:** A practice intended to elicit an internal, embodied response, moving the energy up and through the body.
- **Erotic Essence:** The core self-knowledge accessed through embodied connection, which empowers women to create authentic lives.

## Mechanisms & Processes
- **The process of grieving:** Involves a deep, ongoing uncertainty about one's path while undergoing hormonal treatments (e.g., egg freezing).
- **Confusion through external guidance:** Consulting multiple sources (oracle cards, psychics, psychoanalysts) only led to more confusion because the speaker was looking outside of herself for answers.
- **The pivotal realization:** The most effective guidance came from engaging in a combined erotic dance and writing practice, which was rooted in the deepest self and openness to life.
- **The proposed practice:** 1) Choose a song (sexy or aligned with movement); 2) Stay with the breath and allow the body to move naturally; 3) Immediately set a timer for three minutes and free-write the answer to *"What is true for me now?"* without stopping.

## Timeline & Sequence
- **Early realization:** At age five, recognizing the capacity to have babies.
- **Mid-30s:** Relationship ended after four years because the partners "couldn't get on the same page about becoming parents together."
- **35th birthday approaching:** Decided to freeze eggs, an experience she did not originally want.
- **During recovery:** Began journaling practice, which evolved into a combined erotic dance and writing practice.
- **Climactic breakthrough:** The Ayahuasca ceremonies in Peru led to the understanding that internal sources of guidance were most potent.

## Named Entities
- **Shipibo Medicine people:** People in the jungle in Peru who conducted Ayahuasca ceremonies.
- **Audre Lorde:** Writer whose paraphrased words are referenced regarding the power of the erotic.

## Numbers & Data
- Age when first realizing the desire for babies: **five**.
- Age when relationship ended: **mid-30s**.
- Duration of relationship before ending: **four years**.
- Age when the speaker made the egg-freezing decision: **35**.
- Duration of free-writing prompt: **three minutes**.
- Percentage of the body that is *not* the head/mind in the practice: implied movement from head to body.

## Examples & Cases
- **Early life desire:** The memory of the sun falling through window slats onto her bed when she realized she wanted to be a mom.
- **The initial challenge:** The desire for a pregnancy and birth experience to be "all natural," involving no painkillers and occurring "out in the woods with eagles flying overhead."
- **Physical exhaustion:** Needing to take breaks in the middle of the day to weep at a volume that "probably made the neighbors wonder what was going on in my apartment."
- **The analogy:** The central image of the *psyche and Eros* myth being a "confounding darkness interrupted by the simple yet plot altering decision to turn on a lantern."
- **The final action:** The practical exercise—moving to a song, moving the body, and journaling the truth for three minutes.

## Tools, Tech & Products
- **Oracle cards:** Consulted for guidance.
- **Ayahuasca ceremonies:** Conducted in the jungle in Peru for guidance.
- **Journaling practice:** Used as a continuous method of self-recording and reflection.

## References Cited
- **Studies:** Mentioned studies showing expressive writing benefits for grief, anxiety, and depression.
- **National Center for Health Statistics:** Cited regarding the prevalence of major depression (at least 1 in 10 women).

## Counterarguments & Caveats
- **Initial Misconception:** The speaker initially thought erotic dance was defined as "a form of dance intended to elicit a sexual response in viewers," which she corrected as being too performance-based.
- **Storytelling Limitation:** She deliberately advises against giving a "tangible, happy ending" (like finding a soulmate) because the focus must remain on the woman as a "whole person unto herself."

## Conclusions & Recommendations
- Embrace the practice of linking movement and writing to uncover intrinsic truth and drive authentic life changes.
- When leaving the practice, the focus must be on "our own soulful self leadership and trust that no matter what, our lives will be rooted in purpose rather than performance."
- The final call to action is to perform the song/move/write sequence for attendees.

## Implications & Consequences
- The ability to access *Eros* energy provides the "energy to pursue genuine change within our world," leading to profound personal and potentially societal shifts.
- By centering purpose over performance, women are empowered to navigate life's setbacks autonomously.

## Verbatim Moments
- *"Mommy's a girl and she has babies. I'm also a girl, so that means I can have babies too."*
- *"Largely because we couldn't get on the same page about becoming parents together."*
- *"there are no victims and perpetrators in this story, just people who are all doing their best."*
- *"I always wanted my pregnancy and birth experiences to be all natural, you know. First of all, getting pregnant by actually having sex. And then full shamanic birth experience."*
- *"my biggest internal challenge at the time was not my grief. It was a deep, ongoing uncertainty about whether I was really with the right person or in the right situation and about what on earth I should do with my life now."*
- *"I kept looking outside of myself for clarity and answers."*
- *"this was the most pivotal because it reminded me that my best guidance can only come from deep within me."*
- *"I was practicing softening into my body to allow my grief to open me rather than close me."*
- *"The erotic is a force that opens us and reaches outward to everything other than ourselves. Whereas depression and sadness and narcissism can close us down."*
- *"Eros is more subtle. It’s internal. It's a feeling you get in touch with from inside yourself."*
- *"When you tap into Eros, you are tapping into your intrinsic impulse, your intrinsic motivation."*
- *"the central image and the psyche and Eros myth is the image of a confounding darkness interrupted by the simple yet plot altering decision to turn on a lantern."*
- *"Stories about women as whole people unto themselves. Stories that show us we can be so much more open to whatever life brings as long as we trust our own soulful self leadership and trust that no matter what, our lives will be rooted in purpose rather than performance."*
- *"If you start to get stuck in your head or feel stupid, that's actually good. You can shake it out because you're moving beyond your normal, cramped sense of self in this practice."*
- *"To paraphrase the great writer Audre Lorde, recognizing the power of the erotic within our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world."*
- *"In spite of life's setbacks, may you always remain in touch with the power of the erotic to keep moving forward."*