The Gift of What's Missing | Ilyas Al Hashedi | TEDxTheArdeeSchoolNFC
Ilyas argues that loss, exemplified by his experience living in five countries due to war in Yemen, does not just take but provides the space necessary to cultivate resilience and redefine family by love. He bases this claim on the philosophical shift from asking "Why me?" to "What can this teach me?" which transforms hardship into inherent strength. His strongest illustration is his personal journey, contrasting his losses with the apparent stability of his classmates, ultimately concluding that what is missing can become what makes one whole. ## Speakers & Context - **Ilyas** — The speaker, who is in year six and has lived in five different countries. - **Setting** — Delivering a speech to an audience of students, prompted by the need to discuss gains from losses. - **Mentorship** — Acknowledges Mr. Nitin for mentoring him through the speech process. ## Theses & Positions - What is lost ultimately provides space for growth, resilience, and the redefinition of family based on love, rather than just blood. - Hardship, like the war in Yemen, offers opportunities: "what we lose doesn’t only take; it gives." - Gratitude changes the experience of pain, shifting the internal question from *"Why me?"* to *"What can this teach me? Can this loss in some way become a gain?"* - The most powerful forces shaping a person are not what they possess, but what they lack. - The true test of character is not whether hardship will arrive, but *"What will you do with it when it does? Will you let it break you? Or will you let it build you?"* ## Concepts & Definitions - **"NA"** — For Ilyas, this initialism on his ID card does not stand for "not applicable," but for *"not available."* - **Space** — Defined not merely as a gap, but as an active resource: "Space to learn resilience, space to grow independent, and space to redefine family, not just by blood, but by love." - **Loss/Absence** — The state that leaves an empty chair but simultaneously creates room for internal development. ## Mechanisms & Processes - **Trauma-Informed Reinterpretation:** The process of shifting focus from the source of pain (the loss) to the potential lesson embedded within the pain (the gain). - **Resilience Building:** Utilizing the forced mobility and cultural immersion from moving between five countries to build a narrative strength. ## Timeline & Sequence - **Life Span:** 11 years, which he feels encompass *"five different lives."* - **Physical Movement:** Has lived in five countries and crossed borders repeatedly. - **Present Action:** Delivers the speech while receiving guidance from Mr. Nitin. ## Named Entities - **Mr. Nitin** — The person who mentored Ilyas through the speech preparation. ## Numbers & Data - Age: **11 years**. - Number of lives felt: **five**. - Number of countries lived in: **five**. ## Examples & Cases - **Personal Life:** Living across borders in five countries, resulting in multiple goodbyes. - **Personal Loss:** Missing his dad and sharing his life with his sister. - **Global Hardship:** War in Yemen, which forced the family to leave home. - **Comparative Experience:** Observing classmates who have never had to lose, flee, or start over. - **Relatable Challenge:** Failing a test, losing a friend, or not being picked for a team. ## Counterarguments & Caveats - The potential counterargument is the feeling of absence, which can feel frightening or like something is simply missing. ## Conclusions & Recommendations - The central recommendation is to actively choose to fill the space created by loss with growth, understanding that "what’s missing can become the very thing that makes us whole." - The audience must confront the choice: *will you let it break you? Or will you let it build you?* ## Implications & Consequences - The consequence of adopting this mindset is accessing inner strength previously unimaginable due to external struggle. - The fundamental implication is that material possession is less valuable than internal character forged through adversity. ## Verbatim Moments - *"It feels like five different lives."* - *"I’ve lived in five countries across borders and carried my story in a suitcase heavier than my age."* - *"‘NA’ doesn’t stand for ‘not applicable;’ it stands for ‘not available.’"* - *"Yes, every single day."* - *"It leaves an empty chair. Yes, but it also leaves space."* - *"Space is not just a gap. It can be a gift, if we choose to fill it with growth."* - *"But I don’t sit in envy; I sit in gratitude because my story may have been hard, but it’s mine, and it’s taught me that my hardships have given me strength."* - *"What can this teach me? Can this loss in some way become a gain?"* - *"The question isn't whether hardship will come. The question is: What will you do with it when it does?"* - *"Once in a while, we all need a storm to clear the sky, and the hardest lessons are the most valuable."* - *"I’d like to thank Mr. Nitin for mentoring me throughout this process."*