My experiences with OCD | Zane Smith | TEDxUBC
The speaker, who recounts battling OCD, argues that confronting anxiety through active struggle rather than passive acceptance is key to managing the condition. This is illustrated by the speaker's decision to fight the compulsion by visualizing a physical fight against the anxiety, leading to measurable progress in cutting out handwashing rituals. The central mechanism involves replacing the typical cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) model of yielding to anxiety with a proactive, combative visualization. ## Speakers & Context - Speaker recounts personal battle with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). - The condition was triggered after acquiring a planter wart as a middle-schooler. - The initial attempts at managing the condition involved lying to friends about daily routines to maintain a facade of normalcy. ## Theses & Positions - OCD is characterized by obsessions (excessive, anxiety-inducing thoughts) and compulsions (actions to relieve the anxiety). - Contamination OCD, specifically the fear of germs, fungi, bacteria, and viruses, is the most common form battled by the speaker. - The severity of the OCD, rather than the specific type, dictates the difficulty of the condition. - Traditional CBT methods, such as ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) involving being a "willow tree" to let anxiety flow by, did not work for the speaker. - The breakthrough method involves actively fighting the anxiety, visualizing a physical struggle against the OCD, which allowed the speaker to regain control. ## Concepts & Definitions - **Obsessions:** Excessive, anxiety-inducing, and very distressing thoughts. - **Compulsions:** Actions conducted to relieve the anxiety caused by obsessions. - **Contamination OCD:** Specific OCD characterized by the fear of germs, fungi, bacteria, viruses, with handwashing as the primary compulsion. - **First hand contact:** Direct contact with a wart. - **Second hand contact:** Contact via a single object (e.g., wart $\rightarrow$ floor $\rightarrow$ hand). - **Third hand contact:** Contact via two objects (e.g., wart $\rightarrow$ floor $\rightarrow$ extra object $\rightarrow$ hand). - **Fourth hand contact:** Contact via three objects (e.g., wart $\rightarrow$ object $\rightarrow$ object $\rightarrow$ object $\rightarrow$ hand). - **Fifth hand contact:** Contact via four objects. - **ER (Exposure Response Prevention):** A therapy technique that involves letting anxiety spike but *not* performing the ritual to relieve it. - **CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy):** The therapeutic framework used to treat OCD. ## Mechanisms & Processes - **The OCD Cycle:** Distressing obsessions $\rightarrow$ Compulsions $\rightarrow$ Temporary relief (but cycle repeats). - **Contact Tracing:** The speaker's OCD expanded the risk assessment from direct contact to include third, fourth, and fifth hand contact, necessitating extensive object tracking. - **Public Operation:** Initially necessitated using sleeves to shield the body while touching things or navigating public spaces. - **Time Burden:** Washing hands could take hours daily due to the compounding necessity of rinsing based on sequential contamination risk (e.g., post-shower, toothbrush contact, clothes interaction). - **Failed Strategy:** The initial attempt to use the "willow tree" method of passive acceptance was rejected by the speaker's logic. - **Resilient Strategy:** Replacing passive acceptance with visualizing a physical fight against the anxiety allowed the speaker to voluntarily discontinue the ritual. ## Timeline & Sequence - **Acquisition:** Encountering a planter wart as a middle-schooler. - **Early Manifestation:** Developing compulsive rituals involving handwashing to prevent imagined contamination. - **Escalation:** The condition worsened over time, leading to hours of daily handwashing and significant deception in personal life. - **Medical Intervention:** Mother took the speaker to a psychiatrist, who recommended medication and potential institutionalization. - **Therapeutic Shift:** The speaker moved from passive acceptance (Zen willow) to active confrontation (visualizing a fight). ## Named Entities - HPV (Human Papillomavirus) — virus causing warts. - Psychiatrist — medical professional who diagnosed and recommended treatments. ## Numbers & Data - Planter wart: A common childhood ailment. - OCD steps for handwashing: Approaching 100 steps in a single wash. - Time required for handwashing (early): Up to an hour just after showering. - Time required for handwashing (full routine): Up to three to four hours some days; five hours during testing/midterms. - Viral persistence: The wart virus can live on a surface for up to one year. - Progress milestones: Successfully eliminating fifth hand contact, fourth hand contact, and third hand contact. ## Examples & Cases - **Wart transmission:** Spread via first contact (direct touch) or second hand contact (via object, e.g., wet tile). - **Double-Double Sleeves:** Necessary clothing adaptation to minimize skin exposure in public. - **Worst Period Analogy:** Living life as Howard Hughes, unable to leave home except for school, requiring continuous protection from all surfaces. - **Minor Trigger:** Touching one's own sock after stepping foot in socks, treated as "secondhand contact." - **Physical Consequence:** Hands bleeding, knuckles cracking, and staining red due to excessive scrubbing. - **Breakthrough Visualization:** Picturing the OCD as a "little rodent" and actively fighting against it. ## Tools, Tech & Products - Google — search engine used to learn about warts and HPV. ## References Cited - CDC chart (implied reference source for OCD definition). ## Counterarguments & Caveats - The initial therapeutic approach (ERP/willow tree) was ineffective because the speaker felt her own systematic thought process was too logical. - The problem source was internal: "the problem and the source of that problem was in my own head, was in my own mind, was me, was myself." ## Conclusions & Recommendations - The core takeaway is that successful management of extreme anxiety requires finding a method of confrontation that personally resonates, whether that is Zen meditation, being the willow, or active fighting. - The struggle is fundamentally about self-acceptance and internal locus of control. ## Implications & Consequences - If the compulsion is rooted internally, the perceived threat (the contamination) is not objectively dangerous, allowing the individual to achieve control over the physical manifestation of the anxiety. ## Verbatim Moments - *"OCD is characterized by excessive anxietyinducing and very distressing thoughts called obsessions. And actions designed to relieve the anxiety caused by said thoughts called compulsions."* - *"it was the severity of the OC die that I battled and rather not the kind."* - *"it involves a single object in between, and that the wart touches an object, touches skin."* - *"I'd have to do five hand washes for first hand all the way down to one hand wash for fifth hand."* - *"I tell my friends, I lie to them. I say, 'I like to wake up early because I'm more productive.'"* - *"I don't belong in an institution. I'm not insane. I don't need a straight jacket."* - *"we find it easier and easier to do. We call these habits."* - *"You let the anxiety spike and you force yourself to feel anxious, but you don't conduct the ritual."* - *"I pictured myself fighting OCD... And I fought against it. I pictured myself somehow resisting it."* - *"I found passion in fighting against obesity, in taking hits and getting back up again instead of trying to hit it, if that makes sense."* - *"I knew that I couldn't do that. that that I'd end up winning because the problem and the source of that problem was in my own head, was in my own mind, was me, was myself that I and no one else was the problem and that I would no one else would win and end up in control."*