Obsessed With Success | Ishi Kulshrestha | TEDxYouth@ICS
The speaker, who identifies as an Enneagram Type 3 (Achiever), claims that her entire need for success, which fueled early obsessive achievements, was rooted in a need for external validation. She illustrates this by describing how early exposure to social media's praise for achievements made her feel insecure compared to peers, leading her to compulsively pursue varied hobbies for external approval. She concludes that recognizing this pattern allowed her to shift focus from achievement to process and self-acceptance.
## Speakers & Context
- Unnamed speaker; describes personal realization regarding her Enneagram type.
- Identifies herself as an Enneagram Type 3, or "Achiever."
- Developed self-awareness after taking an online Enneagram test.
## Theses & Positions
- The Enneagram type 3 basis on the desire to be desired, with the basic fear of feeling worthless.
- Actions and personality are heavily dependent on the want for success and external perception.
- Achieving success immediately is appealing but flawed; true success requires going through the process of trial and error.
- Acceptance of one's flaws and the ability to be "bad at things" or start from zero is key to managing anxiety and improving mental health.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Enneagram:** An online personality test categorizing individuals into nine types based on deepest goals and fears.
- **Type 3 (Achiever):** Defined by the goal of being desired and the fear of feeling worthless.
- **Validation/Acceptance:** The external social affirmation sought by the speaker, exemplified by comparison with peers.
- **Process vs. Immediate Results:** The understanding that true success is built through the gradual process of trial and error, not just the desired outcome.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **The Mechanism of Insecurity:** Seeing peers' successes on the internet (in 4th grade) triggered feelings of inadequacy regarding personal achievements (e.g., "Chase Boys on the playground").
- **The Compensation Mechanism:** Pledging to become the best at any talent or hobby to prove worthiness to others.
- **The Cycle of Over-Achievement:** Pursuing hobbies (guitar, YouTube, writing) not from enjoyment, but to achieve visible success markers (e.g., "name in billboard designs").
- **Anxiety Escalation:** When immediate success failed, the stress spiraled into anxiety, leading to believing everyone hated her or thought she was incompetent.
- **Self-Correction:** Realizing the root problem was the obsession with success, leading to the commitment to acceptance.
## Timeline & Sequence
- **Fourth Grade:** Received first phone with unlimited internet access; began comparing her achievements to peers online.
- **Period of Hobbies (Implied):** Played guitar, created YouTube channels (crafts, origami), and began writing.
- **End of Sixth Grade:** Stopped pursuing hobbies when they did not take off quickly.
- **Writing Phase:** Started writing a story for an English class, realizing writing was "really easy."
- **Book Publication:** Rushed writing a book, self-published it on Kindle, and received initial family compliments.
- **After Publication:** Continued to feel unsatisfied and doubtful about her abilities.
- **Present Day:** After realizing the core pattern, learning to manage stress and accept imperfection.
## Named Entities
- **Enneagram:** Personality categorization system.
- **Type 3:** Specific personality type described.
- **Taylor Swift:** Artist whose music inspired the speaker to start playing guitar.
- **New York Times:** Publishing list referenced regarding book aspirations.
- **Kindle:** Platform used for self-publishing the book.
## Numbers & Data
- Type categorization: **Nine types**.
- Age of first phone access: **Fourth grade**.
- Age focus for comparison: **Fourth grade**.
- Achievement marker: **Billboard designs** (implied number of recognition).
- Age parents are: **75 years old**.
## Examples & Cases
- **Fourth Grade Comparison:** Feeling insecure about chasing boys vs. peers achieving skills like multiplying large numbers or spelling complex words.
- **Hobby Pursuit Examples:**
- Guitar: Only pursuing it for the dream of seeing her name on billboards and fans screening her name.
- YouTube Channels: Posting crafts/origami because everyone else was doing it, not because she enjoyed crafts ("I'm really bad at Art").
- Writing: Rushing through plot/dialogue solely to *finish* the book, rather than focusing on the quality of the writing itself.
- **Failed Goal:** The expectation of becoming the "first child author to make it onto the New York Times bestselling."
## Tools, Tech & Products
- **Online personality test:** The specific method used to diagnose the pattern.
- **Internet/Social Media:** The source of comparison and insecurity regarding peer achievements.
- **Phone:** The initial device providing unlimited internet access.
- **Kindle:** The self-publishing platform.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The speaker admits the process of achieving success is something she initially failed to understand or want to undergo.
- She acknowledges that awareness does not equal instant cure: *"I still get very jealous of child celebrities now and I still do get stressed about cheating things."*
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- Accepting that one has the problem and understanding the Type 3 pattern is the first step to solving it or becoming aware of it.
- It is acceptable to be bad at things and start from zero; immediate, significant achievements are not required for self-worth.
- The speaker has learned to manage her stress significantly better due to this self-awareness.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"My Enneagram is a type of thing for those of you who don't know what an Enneagram is it's an online personality test that categorizes you into nine times based on your deepest goals and fears."*
- *"I truly believe that I was pushed out of the womb Ready to Go Achieve things."*
- *"I felt very insecure about that what made it worse was that my dad would post these kids as well."*
- *"I made a promise to my little fourth grade self I would try to find any Talent OR Hobby and be the best in it that I possibly could so I could show off to everyone I knew and everyone on the internet that I was just as good as them."*
- *"I could totally become the first child author to make it onto the New York Times bestselling was like there's no way it could be that hard right wrong um anyway"*
- *"I wasn't really doing them because I enjoyed them I was just doing that because I wanted to achieve success so bad."*
- *"It's okay to be bad at things it's okay to start from zero and learn and it's okay to not even achieve anything significant right now."*