Video Games: Emily Ward of Teeth at TEDxYale
The speaker recounts a difficult passage from childhood, comparing the frustration of malfunctioning video game controls to the deeper, unsettling experience of feeling one's life slip away uncontrollably. They utilize detailed, evocative sensory descriptions, particularly concerning video game mechanics and physical discomfort, to illustrate this emotional collapse. The piece concludes with a sustained metaphor of digging deep, searching for something lost beneath the surface of personal memory. ## Theses & Positions - Early life experiences, symbolized by childish routines and objects like video game controllers, can mask deeper existential loss. - The speaker compares the mechanical failures of video games (e.g., sticky buttons) to the perceived uncontrolled decline of their own life. - There is a sense of intense, desperate excavation—digging deep into the self—to retrieve a lost sense of childhood or stable identity. ## Concepts & Definitions - **Child of two gender:** The speaker's self-identification regarding gender during childhood. - **Toolken:** A specific item associated with the speaker's childhood possessions. - **Exo, square, and triangle button:** Specific video game controls integral to the speaker's early life interactions. - **Directional pad vs. analog stick:** A physical transition in gaming technology that caused initial excitement. ## Mechanisms & Processes - **The Act of Nostalgic Description:** Using highly specific, sensory details from youth (scuffed furniture, specific game mechanics, exhaustion) to build a foundation for emotional commentary. - **Metaphorical Digging:** The process of metaphorically excavating deep memory, likened to digging a hole to reach China, implying a search for an origin point or lost self. - **Memory Distortion:** The speaker employs surreal imagery (e.g., "exo square and triangle button are lyric no longer and all are nothing but intestine") to show how memory degrades or transforms emotional pain into physical sensation. ## Named Entities - China (referenced as a location/goal). ## Numbers & Data - **1986:** The approximate date range associated with the object *"crafted somewhere in China."* - **-9.8 m/s squared:** The acceleration constant of Mother Earth's gravity. ## Examples & Cases - **The School Bus Stop:** Threw a backpack "weighed heavy with far too little toolken" onto shoulders "made frail with attempted vegetarianism" while reaching a stop sign. - **Video Game Use:** Wore through a cushion with years of playing *Final Fantasy*, specifically using the *X button* to pull up potions while her party was TKO'd. - **Physical Loss of Control:** Throwing the controller "clear across the room and it nearly hit the TV," leading to being grounded by her mother. - **Room Setting:** Living in a shoebox-sized room plastered with posters containing lyrics. - **The Digging Analogy:** The physical act of "digging directional pads steady dig dug through the clay dirt" toward a destination far beyond China's physical distance. ## Tools, Tech & Products - **Video game controller:** The specific object central to the initial physical description of mechanical failure. - **Sharpie:** Used to mark stop signs with "gospel of a sixth grader's profanity." - **Backpack:** Worn heavily with insufficient contents. ## References Cited - None. ## Trade-offs & Alternatives - **Physical Comfort vs. Engagement:** The father's chair was the "obvious choice for settlement" due to comfort, despite the speaker's energetic, youthful exhaustion. - **Technological Shift:** The contrast between the novelty of the "directional pad to analog stick" transition versus the later failure of the controls. ## Counterarguments & Caveats - None. ## Conclusions & Recommendations - None. ## Implications & Consequences - The loss of control in childhood, initially manifested as a tantrum over a game, escalates into an adult preoccupation with the irreversible passage of time and the decomposition of identity. ## Verbatim Moments - *"The year that I could no longer count my age on both of my scrawny hands, fists unclenched and butterfied back together."* - *"I threw enough momentum of body weight fullcrumb and full speed ahead towards the promise of cold milk and half-finish video games."* - *"it is damn difficult. Especially when your X button won't let you pull up potion and half your party is TKO."* - *"You are grounded, young lady."* - *"exo square and triangle button are lyric no longer and all are nothing but intestine and it hurts badly."* - *"If the acceleration constant of mother earth's gravity is -9.8 m/s squared, and if I'm on the fourth floor of this god-forsaken building, how long will it take before I hit hard onto some kind of control?"* - *"I am digging directional pads steady dig dug through the clay dirt and my destination is more than a china length away."*