You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do | Victoria Baylor | TEDxHiltonHeadWomen
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l_ExH0aRwA Video ID: 7l_ExH0aRwA ============================================================ [Music] have you ever had a moment where a single blips change the course of your life for some of you it was a sight of their newborn baby or the sight of your significant other words any day I've had those too but my earliest life changing home didn't actually happen I was just a few years older and I saw this little redhead you may have recognized his face and a hat Huang's efficient harder for Jacque Cousteau and it was advocate agent 8 that I decided I was going to be a marine biologist so for 22 years I want an amazing research but as I got to the end of that chapter doesn't happen I notice I start difficulty directionless and lost and you have two all accomplished I had lost my citizens himself and my self-confidence so I do what most people do were there that night predicament I went on the journey of self-discovery and it was during that time that I actually had a crude revelation I've actually committed the cardinal sin I spent all my years years to finding myself I liked it but I took no time to build an identity apartment so I'm going to ask how many of you can relate to that how do you know that things like and for those that probably didn't raise your hand is test time so I'm going to ask a couple of questions to give you a little test it's pretty easy questions so I think everyone should get it fast but question number one what do you do okay can you formulate your answer it's a pretty easy question what you do there's occupation question number two who are you so one thing is if you answer question one and two with the same answer did you understand the struggle and actually I'd like to see a show of hands how many people answered that the same answer both okay okay it happens a lot is a natural response when I ask you what you do or who are you oh I'm a painter I like this with that but there's a danger in thinking that what you do in who you are exactly identical because it's not the danger is is uh it's kind of like driving a car would know with wheels and a lug nuts you don't even you might be able to get a little bit far but we both know that sooner or later those wheels are coming off so why should someone really spend time didn't know who they are well I think what the main crux is that what you do do so much with the external part of you where as who you are those internal dynamics and knowing who you are actually reduce your choose confidence you're able to see what you're capable of doing if you're it reveals your insights your unique abilities or unique qualities and then actually gives a greater sense of meetings of your life I love the quote by Richard grant where he said is that the value of identity is that it so often comes attached to a purpose so in truth is actually in pursuing your who they should actually under none to hover your why and we both know that the two greatest days of your life is the day you were born and the day you discover why so how do we actually go about reclaiming that sense of our identity in who we are well actually the solution is kind of simple how many of you of you today are actually wearing diamonds I might ask you so you can brag don't want you okay whether his earrings necklace or ring how many well the interesting thing is there's a picture of a diamond has come up does your diamond loop like this probably not looks like a shard of glass in Finland Rock which is actually a diamond so diamond in the rough is actually the diamond of course in processed but what we know about diamonds is the best the time it actually comes out actors in process when it's gone through the rigors return in cut down polished shades that's what we see the true clarity and value that diamond correct the funniest thing is the truth the same thing is actually true for us that as we as women we allow ourselves to go through a similar process where we're actually able to detach ourselves from those things we've solely relied on to define who we are we will gain the greatest clarity and understanding of our own value so I'm encouraging you today to kind of shift your thinking to think about who you are internally more so than externally and just like the diamond being processed you're just three steps away from gaining a deeper insight into who you are step number one give up part of them that's a tough one the journey from detaching who you are from what you do begins by prioritizing yourself I find it very interesting that in airline safety they mandate that in case of an emergency you're austin master deployed and you're actually poison fix your oxygen mask before you assist anyone else right well how many of us has women and mothers especially will be more inclined to help someone else especially if it's a small child there's a problem with that because there's a negative mindset that a lot of women care about prioritizing themselves they tend to think is selfish but what we fail to realize is that in prioritizing yourself you're actually investing so you're giving yourself a greater capacity to do more and even in that you're giving yourself entire validation in the process so I mean they own self-care routines are great ways to prioritize yourself I mean it's simple things such as having a fitness routine having a sleep schedule even a reward and you do something big there's a piece of cake with you know you got two days but it's necessary because ladies we don't have to put so much of ourselves into someone else and everyone else that there's nothing left for ourselves I mean there's an evil say that goes and there's two things best not spread to things that would be your self in peanut butter so self care is actually the first step in honoring who we are as people as women and opening that door for us to understand ourselves better step number two grab your shovel and dig those pieces noted for a popular quote was she stays that men are taught to apologize for weaknesses and women their strengths and there's so many women that are bashful about using their strengths they need to go though they are they're actually taught against it and the downside to that is I can't help but think this how is that impacting our time and in our identity and our own confidence but we don't really know what makes us unique what makes us amazing so I want to encourage you to dig a little deeper I'm going to show you do have an external factor that the intern checks that actually points toward your uniqueness you want to know what it is okay I have eight billion well almost a billion people on the planet it's a lot of people there's no one else on this planet that actually has more room now as mundane as that may seem the ideas be able to use very important but I can give another or better way of showcasing and there's so much more deeper in you then you probably thought that's just a sign crisis there's there's ten types of intelligence most people don't think about that so you just your intelligence based off of your school performance alone whether good or bad could be so you're so short because on average most people have between two and three types and intelligent society let's think about other amazing factors such as your values their passions their interests their although you need to you and let's talk about these like in a perspective or even your personality I love southern movie Kazan sauce your personalities all the way down to your experiences that's what makes you amazing and I have the pleasure of coaching women on a day-to-day basis my palms are never seem to like so much brilliance so in that being said though there's if you're having trouble identifying what needs we need what makes me unique what my unique abilities do the easiest being possible acts the five closest people to you they will tell you because most people recognize what we don't see ourselves aside when that there's assessments such as the tips personality tests immigrant Myers breeding strengths finder 2.0 if you process to them with a coach or experienced mentor and interview amazing insights and aside from that I think about that obvious things like what kind of work really reached our heart cop tape what excites you what brings you joy what do you do so easily that other people can that you downplay that's a sign and with that being said step number three is get clear 20/20 vision clear so the journeys are really getting clear of who you are actually allowed you to live life from your own terms versus just solely out of obligation unfortunately societal demands will put so much pressure on women to conform then we really don't know what to do with our uniqueness in our differences aside from that the beauty industry is so can be so complicated as we all know I think Doug did is studying years ago there's been pulled women from all over the place many countries thousands of women and I numbers not important the true note that matters is that all the way when you spoke to only four percent considered themselves beautiful and that's pretty startling and even if you do know what your differences are even if you do know what your differences are it can be really uncomfortable to actually own them right nothing to fan the flames of insecurity quite like that it's kind of like the bearded lady at the circus everybody finds me to be mesmerizing if you ask in truth nobody really wants to be her our differences has a way of giving us even want to reject ourselves but again I just wanted to encourage you to just shift in your thinking because what makes you temper is actually your greatest asset it's the building block that allows you to live the life you want to lead the question is are you going to get clear on what that is you're going to own it and you're going to be willing to ask the questions that's harder view such as who do I want to be what do I want to do what's my contribution because I need to tell areas based in here the world needs to you you have value and we know that the world will tear you down so much we can feel otherwise but you have value so in uncovering who you are from detaching that who you are from your activity or what you do from who you are your identity it's important to understand that in that process that's when you actually came the truth insights into your confidence your true identity and in your path to purpose and it's in doing that that when women decide to actually to go through the process just like a diamond of being cut and polished that we actually review the greatest parts of ourselves our multifaceted is our brilliance and I believe this the word diamond is actually derived from the Greek word out of us which means in this more indestructible so when we as women choose to define ourselves by who we are rather than what we do we build an indestructible identity and confidence that's rooted in our uniqueness areas by our others to do the same [Music] you