How I reclaimed my life after trauma | Jasmine Marie Cruz | TEDxOcala
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w4SXVR0bnQ Video ID: 8w4SXVR0bnQ ============================================================ Transcriber: Narek Bznuni Reviewer: Fadwa Zahed Have you ever felt like life as you knew it was slipping away? Like you were on a path you couldn't control? Imagine opening your eyes and seeing your feet at the bottom of a hospital bed as your eyes drift to the left. You see your mother and stepfather by your side. Your mother's fighting away, tears on your other side. There's a doctor sitting beside you and he says, you are so young. Your drinking has worsened your stage four liver cirrhosis. Your life expectancy is three months. Your mother breaks into a sobbing wail like you've only heard in the movies. But this wasn't just a movie. It was my life. There is something that many of us carry silently, and that’s trauma. Beyond understanding what trauma is, I want us to recognize its power. Not just to break us, but to transform us. Developmental Trauma Disorder, or DTD, describes the impact of chronic, repeated trauma in early childhood, such as neglect, abuse, exposure to violence, especially when a caregiver relationship is compromised, such as a parent. When trauma like this is left unaddressed, it doesn't just fade away in time, it lingers, limiting our potential and creating barriers that we can't see. Imagine trying to grow a garden in soil that's already damaged. Every root struggles. Every seed is twisted with what lies beneath. That's what DTD is. It burrows itself into early life and silently shapes who we become. I was a victim of my own father’s sexual abuse. A caregiver relationship that was compromised for me from the age of 2 to 14 years old. At such a young age, I didn't understand what was happening. But as I grew, I realized that this was abuse. I finally grew the courage to tell my mother what was happening and my father was arrested. However, found not guilty. That is until justice finally caught up to him. Unfortunately, after more children were harmed. After all this time, I had so many opportunities to seek therapy, but I just didn't want to be a part of it because the system had already failed me, so I couldn't trust it. And after experiencing that extreme pressure of facing my own father in court and losing. I had to find an escape from a life I couldn't handle, and I became a 14 year old extreme alcoholic. And I'm not alone in this. CDC states that among 1 billion children worldwide face some form of sexual violence. And yet they don't receive the support that they need to break free. From ages 3 to 17, children with current mental health conditions, only 53% received therapy in 2019. Without the proper support or therapy needed to face these traumas, these children grow into Adults that carry these behaviors from childhood. And you'll notice these behaviors, such as immature reactions struggling with responsibility or dependency on others. For years, I struggled with my inability to make my own decisions. But why? Because every decision I made seemed to have a consequence, whether it was speaking up against my father or deciding to open that first bottle of vodka, or choosing relationships that never served me. Every decision I made was based off trauma. Have you ever noticed any decisions that you've made on autopilot? Whether it's saying yes when you really want to say no, or avoiding conflict or holding yourself to an impossible standard. These patterns run so deep that sometimes you won't even notice them until you stop and ask yourself, when did this all start? For me, those patterns became clearer when I faced losing my life. I was given the option of hospice rehabilitation or continued drinking until death. Obviously, I didn't choose the third one because I'm still here. But I chose rehabilitation, and for the next three months I fully focused on what they had to offer me. And somehow I became healthier mentally and physically. I surpassed my expiration date so you can find growth, resilience and strength. The problem is we go from being a victim to a Fiber, but we stay stuck in that identity of being a survivor, sticking with those behaviors we've had. But there's more after that. The next chapter is you. It just takes a little bit of initiative and action, and you can finally find yourself from something I like to call the reclamation principle. The reclamation principle is built on three R's recognize, rewire and reclaim, recognize, rewire and reclaim. So I want you guys to think of your life as a computer. An exceptional system built on progress and complexity. And trauma is like a virus that seeps into your programming, betting fear, doubt, and self-protection deep within your code. Over time, those invisible loops are running in the background, shaping your behaviors, actions, and even how you see yourself. When you recognize where it all began, then you'll start to see those little glitches in your system and you can begin to rewire that. You see, there are certain behaviors that flow. And once you start to recognize, research and grow your knowledge on these behaviors, then you'll fully be able to start to control them. You can reclaim your life and you can reclaim your sense of purpose. I want you to picture where that path could lead. Visualize that every small step you've taken, every time you chose to face a fear, or ask for help or believe in the possibility of change has been a moment of transformation. Imagine opening your eyes and seeing your feet on a stage in front of 400 people. (Applause) Remembering five years ago when you were lying in a hospital bed with skin stained yellow from jaundice, listening to a doctor tell you that you only had three months left to live. But here you are, standing on a stage, on a TEDx stage, sharing your story. The world doesn't need perfect people. It just needs people who have been through the fire and come out stronger. People like you. Thank you.