Transcript

The transgender conversation has just begun | Nina Arsenault | TEDxToronto

[Applause] it's a summer night in 2014 I'm at the palace of the Pope in aeno France I'm starring in a new production with a theater company that I've been working with called ma my first appearance is going to be at the window of indulgence 60 feet above the crowd I'm going to appear naked with a heart on and I look down to the stage floor and there's my girlfriend Rosie bie Rosie bie girl I'm calling to you Rosie bie is the fiercest performer I have ever seen in my life she's like a computer generated fractal live on stage and that night after we uh retired from the performance back to our house that we were sharing I said how do you do it how do you do that girl because I have never in my entire life seen someone who can go from such furiosity and such anger on stage like it's Furious where does that come from and then one moment later she's in the room and she loves she's in total control over it it's gorgeous she had a few drinks she said I think because Rosie's a mouy woman from New Zealand she says before I go on stage I think about my ancestors I think about what they went through I think about how they had their language taken away from them I think about how they had their land taken away from them everything they went through everything they were locked out of everything that was done to them and through a weird happen stance of colonialism or whatever that those things that didn't even have to be done with them that took their power away way makes me so angry because Rosie does a song dance thing called kapahaka it's not something she learned in art school she started doing that when she was three years old it's her culture it's her life and um she said to me aren't you angry like aren't you angry about the things that I've been done to trans [Music] women because you don't seem angry to me maybe you want to think about it well actually Rosie there's I I have thought about it there's lots of very very logical reasons why I'm not angry in fact um one of which is that I I think I've had a quite a blessed life in fact it's it's been wonderful I there I am at the Pope's Palace dancing the  of Babylon in front of the whole world how who could ask for anything more and do you know I think logical reason number two why I'm not angry if you focus on the negative and there's so much negative in my transgendered life so if I focus on the negative how am I going to have space for the positive I can't stand up and tell those people what I think they'd cut me off they wouldn't even hear it so that's logical reason number three oh my God and then if I really told them how I felt and I really felt it when I felt it girl I might start using my man voice but actually I love using the man voice that's my voice that's my voice and don't you dare make fun of it it's my voice and I had lots of logical reasons in fact I come back to Canada oh my God things have changed and thank God oh my God thank God things have changed so much and I don't actually don't even think straight people and non-transgender people realize how much has actually changed for my life probably because with all due respect it's not that big a deal to you but things have changed like that ubiquitous moment in culture where everyone was asking what do you think about Caitlyn Jenner and lever Cox was on the cover of Time Magazine and you know Obama has a trans woman on his staff now and uh things just felt so different in Toronto it was like weird I thought felt like I was coming back to like this world I didn't even know this world I thought I knew what it was like to live as a transgendered woman but uh I didn't even know what I actually thought of Caitlyn Jenner quite honestly maybe I was like so isolated and alienated from everyone I missed my own Revolution but we were in Vogue we were in Vogue and uh truth be told I I I thought I'm kind of over it the the not from a cultural point of view in that way I'm very very grateful that it's happened but just me personally talking about the surgical procedures and the hormones and what one's family thinks and all that stuff because it's like I've been watching that stuff my whole life every time it came on Phil donu or haraldo Rivera whatever and uh you know in fact for about 40 years that's where the conversation about in as in regards to trans women has has been um what do your parents think what are the surgical procedures and what have you done and cool now we get it and Caitlyn Jenner's done this work and many many other trans women including myself South have have have put these things forward into culture i I swear though for a large portion of the general population could not get past this for a very long time let me get this straight you're a man or you're a woman or what do I call you and what do you have between your legs and that's it for a large portion of the general population they could not get past that and perhaps didn't even have much desire for 40 years so yeah I guess I better think about that why am I not angry someone asked me that in a bar recently like actually only went to a bar one time last year actually it's true um oh one time when I was in Canada when I was on tour I did go um to bars and stuff but uh this guy I told him I was transgender he said uh oh have you oh so did you have that final surgery down there I was like oh he was like oh my God oh my God I'm I'm so sorry I'm oh my god I've offended you which actually in Canada is a very good reaction at least we're there but it's not a good reaction because you know my response to that is you didn't offend me I'm bored I started transitioning in 1998 almost 20 years every time I meet a person I got to have that same conversation it's [Music] boring so now that we have this ubiquitous cultural moment and by that I mean globally like trans women have been witnessed we've been seen some of the mystery of our exoticism has worn off and I think that's a good thing although there's worse things than to be perceived as some kind of wild exotic flower but we've been seen as people and so now now we can begin to speak of trans politics for the first time transgender politics now we're in the conversation with you because we got over that other thing wow so if things are so so much better I was I was figuring it out things were getting much much better like I was being invited into the world I felt like for the first time so why was I so angry about it finally people be like now you should be grateful damn it now I'm angry in fact I'm I'm angry for like nine months because in the same way that men once gave women the right to vote in largely non-transgender people were making these moments of of dignities and rights for trans women possible and uh I'm not talking about like something that exists in a charter that's legislated that happens on Parliament Hill although that's important too but I'm talking about the lived experience the lived politics of my life not not something bureaucratic talking about the right to go out during the day and not be humiliated and made fun of yes things are getting better things are getting better things are getting better things are getting better things are getting better to walk out into the daylight for the first time I you know what I didn't want to do it I didn't want to stop doing that actually Rosie was like well maybe you kind of made an agreement with people you stop doing that because somewhere along the line you have to take responsibility for those actions right no I didn't want to do that that was beaten out of me over the years I never felt that I was unworthy or a freak Gore I felt subjected to all the the looks that people gave me when I'd be like walking down the street oh my God like the knee-jerk responses first world problem right people looked at you and you were [Music] hurt but I believe you can be witness to death honestly I do because I've seen things happen with the women in my community and in a certain way it's quite shameful for us to speak of it and one might think that it's almost like admitting that your transition wasn't successful because you were not able to incorporate properly into the daylight hours of society even though it's society's problem because they didn't accept us and so your friend stop bringing it up I don't like looking at the time I didn't like looking to that because uh there's pain there there's shame there no one wants to look at that you create a kind of blind spot around it people stop bringing it up you stop thinking about it before you know it even the possibility of trans women openly trans women and and and to to a certain degree I'm speaking of nonp passible trans women because because those of us who pass as as horrible as that term is those of us who pass as um non-trans women take on the the Privileges that that that you have what privileges it's not a privilege if everyone has it like um how do I explain this I didn't even know that I had male privilege I didn't know what male privilege was until I lost it I didn't know the absence of this thing that I used to have was was was was when it was revealed to me this kind of like oh damn no where is this why aren't things making sense I I I thought I understood the world or I can't even where did my power go or how come I can't function and I never thought that those colleagues or those friends would abandon me they they did they had their reasons they had their rationalizations so now actually I don't just want my rights back I want all the Privileges back too you might say wouldn't it be great if people just treated you like a normal woman I'll be like no actually no no I want to go back to being treated like a non-transgender male that was awesome was much much better people respected me people listened to me I could have far out ideas and I was considered AV on guard and intelligent and insightful not like oh cooky idea Nina like cookie idea Nina like uh I one time heard this black comedian say that if you call a black person the n-word they pretty much have permission to like beat you up beat the hell out of you it don't matter what you did how it went down no one's going to have sympathy or empathy for you if you used the nword because black people have hundreds or perhaps thousands of years of a history and a Heritage of slavery I know so many trans women who refuse to leave the house during the day every time they're called a man or is that a guy or a girl they say there's a dagger in their heart and because of that they stop doing it they're afraid of violence and humiliation and we have to admit that public humiliation is a far far far far far different thing than humiliation you might say oh come on just live your life be cool whatever ignore those people be fabulous whatever they can't all around us you do not see your privilege here I am today in the daylight and I and in the spotlight thank you very much Ted and in stepping into the daylight and in the spotlight I am here to speak the truth of my experience and the politics of my community we have been erased from Millennia of History a Heritage of slavery would be a step forward for us think about that the next time you call a transwoman a man there's a line in a poem here and there over thousands of years of culture and history yes the last 100 years of some fabulous gorgeous glorious women who stood out and made a mark on the world Millennia we've been erased there is so much to talk about our conversation has only just begun Ted I'm sorry for going over time bring the lights down now this conversation has just started we've already erased from history [Applause]