Step into you & reclaim your authentic self | Sasha Noe | TEDxUniversityofSouthAfrica Women
I want to share with you about the day that I died now as a scientist and a physician I should warn you that the way I perceive death is very different than most scientifically speaking death is the permanent sensation of all vital functions the end of life and by this definition I was dead my heart was broken my life was not my own and every single component that's necessary for functioning and being alive had ended I'm Dr Sasha recovering approval Seeker achievement attainer and now fully resurrected woman proud mother and healer of life and I have come back from the dead to bring back a few lessons that are crucial not only for our Evolution but to break a dark cloud that hangs over so many of us I'm not alone what drove me in the darkness is a disease that is rampant brutal and unforgiving the crisis of mental health though personal is an epidemic that affects over 300 million people globally now you're probably wondering how I died how did this woman who on the outside with a beautiful family successful career academic honors a conial personality and that space said stunning good looks how did I die well it didn't happen all at once you see I lost myself bit by bit to the darkness it all started innocently as a teenager when I immigrated to the United States from the small island of Trinidad where I was considered the good girl who everyone liked but have you ever heard that the cruelest place on Earth is a playground well let me tell you I found this out firstand children can be cruel now in this school where I looked different and I spoke with a accent it seemed like no one understood me or even cared to I would run up and smile only to be met with rejection and so I quickly learned I don't need their help iuse myself so I started shoving parts of my identity away just so I can fit in to this new play in my little by little I learned that we have to you know make changes in our life sometimes that we don't like and so I would hear these voices in my head and I would say suck it up everyone wants to see you smile but no one really cares about you study clar your family has expectations of you and they sacrific too much for you to disappoint them shut up no one wants to hear you with that stupid little accent so I learned real quick how to change this I would go home and for hours after school I would watch TV and I would follow their lips word for word and made sure every single word was pronounced correctly and before you knew it I sounded just like them you see the Insidious little thing that happens when you start to reject yourself is a form of self-hatred if I couldn't get them to like me I could at least get them to accept me self-hatred is not just found in cutting or suicide attempts but in the subtle forms of self-rejection people practice every single day it is when we decide to change ourselves in order to fit in now you know what would get them to like me they would for sure accept me if I got married and had a family that would show them I'm a good American so I joined a community that I felt sure I could fit in right it wasn't long before I realized that this community valued women of a quiet and Gentle Spirit and if for being honest I may have lacked a few of their social graces but it wasn't so much what they said as what they didn't say I quickly discovered that much of what I did was frowned upon in this community you see these women they stayed at home so they could raise their children right but my days were filled with either school or work striving for a life that ended up making me feel like a bad mom I was crushed because I tried to attain a standard I knew I could never reach those years literally crushed me I was broken that I could not be with my children I was so angry that I missed so many of their events I would stand in their room at night looking at them while they slept and I would have tears streaming down my face torturing myself with one single Vault do I even deserve them now one thing I never thought about in my younger years was marrying up and I mean way up he was 6' n and I was all of five W and what woman doesn't want to be rescued by a tall handsome Knight to take away all of her fears and insecurities but soon the nightmare started within two years of marriage and despite my hectic schedule I had to become the red winner and this night in shiming armor could no longer consistently protect and provide for his princess and our family sh in self- regression groomed with self-hatred obsessed with pleasing everyone but myself I pushed myself until one day I said you need to call the ambulance before you knew it I was fighting for my life in the ICU I was suffering with excruciating debilitating pain and my world my life Came Crashing Down for years I had betrayed my my body and now my body is betraying me years of pushing myself physically mentally emotionally and financially had finally taken its toll we live in a society that has constantly trying to shape us into versions of ourselves fragments of ourselves and what ends up happening is we end up dying a thousand deaths daily pressured by fear struggling to live authentically driven to become someone we hate the pressures of all of this left me so dead inside and I was spoke of depression anger and self-hatred that were I not hospitalized when my body failed me I may have taken my own life but this isn't a message of Despair you see I have brought back for you three lessons that if you can tap into these will absolutely help to set you free the first thing you need to know is this it's trauma that activates your human spirit and when your human spirit is activated you get to step into who you truly are you see that little girl that little girl who doubted who she was and lived in self-rejection and hatred she was always strong and that woman who just was torn and worried about her role as a mother and struggled with feelings of unworthiness in motherhood she was always good enough and thankfully the part of me that resisted being my true self the part of me that resisted living authentically did in fact die so if you are struggling in with anxiety or depression you need to know that even in your darkest days you are good up and if you feel you are weak hear me your power your human spirit is dormant inside of you and it's fighting to come out so fight to reclaim your authentic self the second thing you need to know to reclaim your authentic self is you need to find a tribe My Tribe provided for me a place where I can grow and develop my inner spirit and it made me realize that everything that I experienced in my life was for an absolute reason I became thankful for everything in my life I was grateful for every fear every tear every scream and every whale and you know when we've been hurt it makes it really hard for us sometimes to trust but here's what you need to do you need to have an understanding that you were not hurt by all and there are more people who heal than hurt if you want to fly and soar you need to be open to finding your tribe yes I was hurt yes I was damaged yes I was left for dead but I needed to believe that there are people out there who would walk with me and who would help reinvigorate my faith in humanity so find your tribe and finally you need to understand that you need to go against the grain if you want to step into who you truly are one of the things we need to understand is there are people who are fighting to take away our authenticity every single day let me tell you one last story after years of medical problems I was faced with needing surgery where the common thing to do is to take opioids for Recovery here's what I know opioids significantly affect your ability to function is highly addictive and its use permanently changes your brain and I need my brain as a global leader in medical cannabis I knew that this treatment was the better option for me to use in recovery and yet I struggled with feelings of prepress because of the stigma that is still associated with its use even as a medical treatment ironically I had to be on surge uh On Stage 5 days after my surgery where I is going to present to a room full of people on my unique expertise on how medical cannabis can help treat mental health conditions specifically emotional and physical pain which traditional medicine so often times struggles to treat and it was this medical cannabis this scorned natural healing plant that allowed me to get up on stage and share my gift and knowledge with others my choice was to go against the grain and if you being you means you need to go against the grain then you do you now when I'm given an opportunity to give an opinion that is not popular or accepted or widespread I refuse to be silent The Silence of Physicians or their lack of knowledge is perpetuating issues in mental health and chronic pain instead instead of using natural ways of eradicating it Ralph Waldo Emerson said that to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the greatest accomplishment so reclaim your authentic self and step into who you truly are