What makes you die, When you are still alive! | Kamleshwar Pokhrail | TEDxKalbadevi
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F525Xbvzbzk Video ID: F525Xbvzbzk ============================================================ foreign but don't worry I have removed the Venom I'll keep it aside and we'll reveal it to you in some time how many of you by show of hands have lost someone near and dear to you due to heart attack how many of you lost someone due to Chronic lung disease my heart goes out for you and how many of you have lost someone due to recently hit pandemic covet 19. look around we are not alone in fact I was one of them who was badly hit by covid-19 and saw that this close somewhere deep inside this fear started bothering me is this going to be my end I could see the fear in the eyes of my wife my parents I could sense the fear in the talks of my siblings while hearing them talking on phone with my wife he is our only brother and we don't want to lose him at such an early age my entire world started revolving around me questions started bothering in my mind who's going to take care of my family if something happens to me who's going to take care of my child and her education who's going to take care of all the debts and liabilities that I have more than 40 lakh rupees I was not able to breathe and talk properly I had many sleepless nights there were so many things yet undone I haven't shared the bank details the insurance details with my family yet there were so many dreams and desires yet unfulfilled of all this my heart started pounding I was afraid luckily by God's grace I survived but during this course I lost some of my close relatives if you face similar hardships You Are Not Alone these are lethal diseases that have been killing millions of people around the world but there is one disease that has been ruling the minds of the people for years and decades and Millennials and have been killing them from inside that reminds me of a quote from Benjamin Franklin most people die at 25 but they are not buried until they are 75. just like these white ants eat the woods from inside similarly this the disease keeps killing us even when we are alive can you guess what that is fear talking about my life it has been largely driven by fear both at the personal and professional level I was born in a protective environment where I was conditioned to play safe avoid taking risk and focus on Security First as I grew up I really struggled a lot to cope up but we are not born with fears right if you look at a small kid usually they don't have most of the fears we develop this Behavior through our conditioning environment I still remember it was a bright sunny day and I went to water park with my family my daughter was four years old at that time she was very excited I enjoying playing in the water there was a big pool area and the death of the pool was more than my daughter's height she was enjoying sitting on the side of the pool watching kids playing inside the pool I was just standing next to her I thought to sit beside her and give her a company as soon as I bend my legs to sit something happened she suddenly jumped into the pool I got really terrified because I was completely numb not realizing what to do for a moment I was thinking what can I do to save her I could see that she was drowning and she was not able to come out of the water my heart started pounding seeing this I had the same feeling again I was afraid so do you think all fears are bad there's some fears which are critically vital for our survival like the fear of fire the fear of water the fear of wild animals the fear of snakes oh by the way that reminds me of my friend car let me just check that it is instilled Inside the Box otherwise it might create some chaos everything is fine okay so these are real fears and we need to avoid these fears for our survival so all fears are not bad right then where is the problem here Begins the interesting part there's another type of fear that is called imaginary fear but I'm going to talk about it in some time let's first understand the real fear more imagine yourself walking on a forest trail and suddenly a tiger crosses a path how many of you by show of hands would freeze seeing the Tiger how many of you would run away sing the Tiger how many of you go to fight the tiger resisted as a Heroes doing the movies no by the way during the preparation of this talk no animals were harmed okay and lastly how many of you would prefer to take a selfie with a tiger whom very popular these days let me tell you if I had been at your place instead of me doing anything I'm sure it was the tiger thing the first step but you understand why fear records at first place let's go back to the ancient times when the humans used to live in the jungles among the wild animals in harmony you know not really every day was a struggle for human to survive in the jungle because wild animals were looking for food every time seeing the leaves moving or hearing a sound would give a signal that there could be wild animal around what would our brain do it would release hormones and activate the freeze fight and slight situation due to which either the humans would run away or climb a tree to save their lives the intention of this real fear was to save us from danger see our brain was conditioned our brain was conditioned as per the ancient times for our survival it was not intended for today's environment it is like today we're installing a new software in the same old Hardware now what's going to happen if you install a Windows 10 or 11 in the whole 1980s and 70s computers it is going to crash right that is what is happening with us today we are not living the jungle anymore but we have different situations today we are surrounded by imaginary fears most of the time like what fear of targets fear of speaking to the boss fear of speaking on stage and so many of the imaginary fears you name them I and I had all of them today sitting at one place a person is thinking of all these situations and regretting the fears in the minds what does the brain do it releases the hormones and again activates the freeze fight and fly situation but we are doing nothing this leads to stress anxiety and worry I hope you all remember the story I shared about my daughter who jumped into the pool for a moment I was completely terrified not realizing what to do I was completely numb as soon as I got back into senses I caught her with one of my hands and pulled her out and just hugged her tightly seeing that she was okay gave me a big sigh of relief I thank God that she survived at that moment Nelson Mandela once said I learned that courage was not the absence of fear but the triumph over it just like every problem has a solution so does fear just like any skill can be learned conquering fear can also be learned I realized this and started working with my mentors to overcome my fears I learned neuro linguistic programming to manage myself better now I won't say that I have been able to overcome all my fears but certainly I am now more equipped to handle my fears how many of you have gone to school everybody right everybody what is the first thing we learn in school I won't say zero huh blank it means ABCD right I discovered with the help of my mentors during the Journey of my self-development that conquering fear is as simple as learning ABCD would you like to know how but before that it's time to reveal our friend car who has been waiting for long right so let me just open this up and reveal it to you so here it is and it actually has the ABCD it's the solution you see and this is not a real snake it's just a dummy were you scared all this moment did you notice that the fear was all in the imagination there was no real snake or real fear so coming back to the ABCD a refers to awarding yourself B refers to breathing easy refers to community matters and D refers to doing it anyway the first thing I started doing as I started rewarding myself now why rewarding when you reward yourself it gives pleasure to your brain and our brain loves pleasure it releases dopamine and gives us more satisfaction and happiness and pushes us to try conquering our fear next time when I recover from covet I rewarded myself with my first PlayStation something that I always wanted as a kid breathing easy now when I start when I realize the benefits of breathing I started doing breathing exercise focusing on your out breath helps to reduce your stress due to fear the four seven breathing pattern wherein you inhale for a count of four and exhale for a count of seven helps to reduce your stress and relax your calm relax and calm down your body there's one more interesting fact fear and excitement both have the same emotion same feeling would you like to do a small exercise where you will be able to overcome your fear instantly great great so but before that can I ask you one more question can you think of a situation when you were really scared and Afraid and on the other side you're really really excited maybe when you saw your kid for the first time or you bought your first car or you bought your first house right I would request you have to please close your eyes and just follow as I say take a deep breath in from your nose and exhale from your mouth take a deep breath from your nose and exhale from your mouth take one more deep breath from your nose and exhale from your mouth wonderful now breathe as if you're excited breathe as if you're excited breathe as if you're excited breathe as if you are really really excited wonderful now sit as if you're excited your body posture as if you're excited your body posture as if you're excited said as if you're excited wonderful now create your facial expression as if you're excited your facial expression as if you're excited your facial expression as if you're really really excited now one more thing just create an internal dialogue speak within in your mind my name is this and I'm excited my name is this and I'm excited my name is this and I'm excited my name is this and I'm excited now slowly open your eyes how did you feel could you feel the excitement it is the same emotion when you're scared so next time when you're scared don't say I'm afraid or scared just say I'm excited Community matters it is said that we are average of five people we spend the most time with being a part of high Achievers pushes you to go extra mile since last year I've been part of two great communities recently I had an experience of walking on the fire bed now thinking of walking on Firebird that too alone and when you have to do it Barefoot sounds crazy right I was a part of amazing 65 plus community members and everyone was motivated to work on the fire bed with the help of my community I was able to do this and Conquer my fear last but not the least do it anyway the best way to handle fare is to face it fear always gives us two options either you fear everything and run or face everything and rise fear only occurs in the absence of action have you ever noticed that you were scared of talking to your boss or giving a presentation or maybe closing a deal the soon as soon as you perform that task the fear disappeared so just do it the sooner you perform your task the Lesser time you give your fears to grow sometimes our fear becomes so huge and grave as a mountain that we become pet of our fears that reminds me of a story once upon a time there was a bus conductor who was small and lean he used to work on the same route every day one day something strange happened tall six feet five inches man stepped into the bus the ticket this tall man said I don't take the ticket this kept happening for several weeks until the bus conductor got really frustrated and angry too but he was scared because facing such a tall man wasn't easy either right so he contemplated and decided that he's going to take a three months break and work on himself he started learning karate going to work out every day he started practicing speaking in front of the mirror so that he can speak with confidence Authority and assertiveness three months later he joined back the job the next day when this tall man stepped on the bus the bus couldn't demanded his ticket same reply but this time something different happened the bus conductor confidently and proudly demanded why shouldn't you take the ticket so this The Tall Man smiled and replied um I don't take the ticket because I have an all India bus pass so you see all this time the fear was in the imagination of that bus conductor and it became so huge as a mountain but the benefit of that fear was he was able to become a better version of himself remember phone fear only occurs in our imagination in our minds and all the good things are on the other side of the fear so instead of focusing on fear focus on what you will achieve when you conquer your fear and your life will be beautiful thank you [Applause]