Transcript

From Crippled to Angel of Death | Dr. Felicia Chang | TEDxMonashUniversityMalaysia

good morning hi I'm Dr Felicia Chang I'm from Stan par today I like to share with you my journey from being called a crippled to being addressed as a p Angel of Death IID like to illustrate my journey in the concept of a box so what is a box a box is what a a society expect us to behave and in my context as a okay what the society thinks it is best for us stepping out of the box means that the decision the action that I've taken to overcome the boundaries that the society expect me to be and staying out of the box it is when I find The Liberation and the freedom to do the things that I loved in this Society where everyone is looking for perfection being born into being born a is deemed as a cursed it is a curse to oneself it is a curse to the family it is a curse to the society at large and it is a curse to the nation they thought you know what they mean is like we will never do well in education we always asking for help we always have low self-esteem and most of all that we will not succe success in life lived so this is me I was actually born well but contracted polio virus at the age of one my right leg as you see now is shorter smaller weaker compared to my left so I walk with the limb at a very young age as a very young uh girl I couldn't understand why was I so different I look at my brothers and sister and think wow they can dance you know they can swim wow they can ride a bicycle and because of my limb I couldn't do it so that makes me into a very timid and very scared little girl right I do not have a lot of self-confidence very very low self-esteem but I was growing up into adolescent this thing that the society put into me kept growing and I always felt that I'm not good enough for anybody there may someone they may be someone that I really admire but I will never have the guts to tell him that I like him because I always thought that I was never good enough but as I was growing up I want change I just I don't want to uh be in that situation anymore I want to Big Dream Big Dreams I wanted to do great things so I make a conscious decision and said look Felicia you need to make steps to come out of this box and I'm make a conscious choice of becoming a doctor the people around me was like are you crazy how can a be a doctor how can you save life and but at that time I tell myself why not why must I be confined with what the society tells me so I decided to go to India to do my medical please bear in mind when you make a decision to change it is not an easy one it wasn't easy for me at all let me share with you what happened in India in India at those time we have always have power failure so my class is five floors up there are days that when there's power failure the lift doesn't work so I have to climb five floors up to attend a class it was so hard it was so painful but I know I already make that determination I'm going to be a doctor so I'm going to do it so although it is very hard but the rewards are extremely sweet the day that I went up the stage to collect my medical degree everyone stood up and clap and that was my proudest moment for the decision that I've made to become a doctor is being realized tell you the truth it has never been easy but you must remember in all that we do as long as we have a focus then we work towards our dreams from there on nothing stops me I continue to do things that other people refuse to do I went to pan and got my party certification for diving I went to Australia to jump off a plane believe me I'll never do that again it's a bit scary I chose to contribute back to the society I fundraised for children with cancer I fundraised for orur asley I fund raise for people that need money and that keep me going and in all this my parents my family my friends has been extremely encouraging they have seen a change from somebody who is so timid to become somebody who is contributing so they continue to encourage me even up to today stepping out of box is just halfway staying out of box is extremely hard as well the reason is because I we can easily be pulled back into the box for example we do not have policy that help us in employment a lot of my friends are still unemployed there's no uh what they call that uh there's a lot of discrimination against us and simple thing like uh oku parking or oku toilet they been abused every day so sometime you do feel low but when I go home and think about it I tell myself it's okay Felicia let's just that's how things are we just need to be strong so with prayers with the support from my loved one I continue to make decision every morning and say no I'm not going to let the society determine where I'm going this is my life and I'm going to live it in of death how did I get this name okay A friend jokingly tell me many years ago you know what everyone you every patient that you touch they died so I think you're the angel of death well that's better than touch and go you know I touched they go so yes that's how I got my name you must be wondering what kind of doctor is this why is it that every patient that she touch dies well the fact that I'm a pallative care physician means traditionally uh patient who are dying comes to us when all the doctors says that look I can't do much for you now please go to pallative care so we are the group of people who help our patient and the family prepare for the last six months of their Liv so when they come to us we give them pain control we give them counseling we make sure that they they settle their unfinished business and we make sure that when they die they die in a dignified and peaceful way so that is ative care why Felicia do you choose such a cold and moderate career every single day you see death to be very honest the career chose me believe me I try to run away many many times I even run to changai to to see to to want to avoid continuing my my career but God keep calling me back so it become my calling it become a platform where I serve my God where I serve the people in need it must be depressing I agree and disagree at the same time I agree because when you see a patient on a day-to-day basis you build relationship you build a friendship and when they died you feel hurt and when that happened in a week maybe I lost three of my patient in a week it can be very overwhelming but those are far in between what you didn't see is the joy that I see in my patient the smile that they gave me when the pain is controlled when certain issue at home are being solved because I have to facilitate the thankful face that they come to me and say thank you or when they died peacefully those are the Catalyst for to do what I do because I know with me and with my team when we intervene and we help my my patient are able to die in a dignified and peaceful manner but self-care is extremely important emotional thermometer we know when we are going to burn out before we reach that stage we must know how to take care of our ourself so when I feel that I'm just can't think properly anymore or my nurse start to tell me that Dr Felicia I think you're reaching that point I'll take time off I'll take a few days off I'll take a few weeks off so that it give me some time to do to rest to have some self-reflection to then recharge myself so that I can take care of my patient in the future these are some of the lessons that I learned from my patient do you know the best teacher is my patients and I like to share stories with you with each one of them I have a very young man I think she I think he was in his 20s and I gave him about six weeks before he'll die one day he took he he he took me to by the side and said doc what is the priority in your life I was like a super doctor trying to impress him I say you know what I want to be the best doctor for you he was like wrong priority it he said you should prioritize family and relationship when you're on bed waiting for your time to come nothing is more important than your family from him I learned that my priority should be building relationship with the people that I love with my God communication my 50-year-old patient he was a CEO of a public listed company okay he told me Doc you know what cancer was the best thing that can ever happen to me I was like huh I say must be brain mats but he was saying you know what when I was younger I worked so hard I I I didn't see my children growing up and when I was sick I don't know how to talk to them we may be sitting in on the same table but I do not know how to talk to them so from him I learn that you need to make effort to communicate with the people that you love with your friends I could have used my excuse and said I'm a busy doctor I don't want to meet my friends but I make conscious effort to meet them every month so that I want to maintain that relationship never give up is life hard for you in campus is life hard for me it is we struggle different way but my patient even though they know that they only have weeks to go they never give up life yes treatment may have failed but the laugh The Joy the joke they tell me about stories they have never given up life and what right do we have when we are well when we have a dream and we give them up even though it is hard don't give up your dreams Simplicity is beautiful in my patients world it is about drugs it is about symptoms it is about tiredness it is about frustration but one of my patient told me every morning when you do what rounds and when you touch my hand all this goes away A Simple Touch can help my patient to overcome the day so sometimes even on the busiest day I would just like to have a quiet simple moment in the morning with my cup of coffee and I can have the courage the strength to move on for the rest of the day I used to visit a patient uh in she stays in a in a wooden house very poor in a slum area yes KL we still have a lot of Slum areas around us and every time I see her she will send the son to buy me coold 100 plus it may not be a lot to us couple of ring but to that family it is one meal and yet she showed me the generosity I learned that we can be generous in our time in our effort in donation just to help the next one that you need and I think this is the most important lesson that I've learned from my four-year-old child my four-year-old girl have a very rare cancer it's very very rare but whenever I visit her she she usually she'll be in pain the mom call me and say you know she's in pain but she's asking for you so I'll go to the house the moment I reach the door she will run to me and said let's play with my Barbie door I was like H I thought the mom just told me she's in pain so when I was playing with her I realized that it distract her she was having fun even though she was having a lot of pain so what I learned from my child is that even though life is tough life is hard you can still have fun i' like to share with you a story was what happened last week in fact what happened this this week so this is about paliative care and how important it is okay I have a 39y Old Gentleman who has cancer of the Bal du and I was seeing him in the W and he was like Felicia you must promise me that you will not prolong my life when the time for me to go let me go I was like sure so two days later he developed severe complication and the sister said no we have to send him to IU and he there he goes went to ICU and the sister said we don't want Dr Felicia to come in anymore because she's just going to let him die so because it is a patient a family's decision I couldn't see my patient but I was seeing another patient in the hos in the ICU so when the sisters are not around when the wife is not around the patient saw me and insisted the the nurse to call me into his room so there I went he looked at me and said what did you promise me you promise me that you will not prolong my suffering so I have a choice to follow what he wants or follow what the family wants but my duty of care is always towards my Pati patient so I need to fight doctors I need to fight family it was not a very pleasant environment because you know when someone is dying and you're telling the family that you know let him go it wasn't easy for the family and yet I make my stand because that is a promise that I gave to my patient we had a lot of arguments we we had a lot of shouting matches but finally the wife agrees that he was suffering too long and it's time to let him go so at the end when my nurses told me when he passed away he passed away with the smile so what I want to say is paliative care is extremely important and from my position as a  to the this journey to become who I am today it wasn't easy seriously it was tough but if we make conscious choices every single day to do better we make conscious choice not to fall back into the box okay we can do it with hard work with tenacity with persistence I believe everyone of us have the potential to reach and Achieve our dreams I hope the next round instead of addressing me as the angel of death I would like to call called the healing angel with that I thank you for your kind attention have a blessed day God bless