When We Die, We Still Live | Nicole Campbell | TEDxDeerPark
[Applause] when I woke up from my coma my first concern was staying alive getting my bearing survival figuring out where I was who I was and how I had gotten there I looked for the detail I distinctly remember looking up at the clock military time no indication of the day no indication of the year no indication of the location the room was so unfamiliar I looked to my brother's face he has a way of keeping his feelings invisible but I can usually read him that didn't help I saw the faces of my near and dear family and friend and they all had the same look on their faces void of emotion but full of determination I looked to the nurse's uniform and there was a small label that said Grey's Anatomy I might as well have been on TV I could have been anywhere I just entered a scene but this was not TV at this moment I wasn't aware that I wasn't breathing on my own that the Chi was winding in and out of me for keeping me a lie what I was aware of was that I was in a life-and-death process but I could die I was somewhere in-between and not yet stable in this dimension I was then sucked back in that's the only way that I can describe it it's in some ways so intangible it's like when I dream but deeper I was ushered from this presence this consciousness and then a PowerPoint presentation started to play the first live red Archangel and I thought Archangel communicating with me and the following slides were filled with destruction and turmoil that left me cringing with sadness but the most important slide for me was the last line there was actually a concept that I became a part of I was now in a small tugboat in a dark deep sea my inability to see went on for miles and then I looked in front of me and there was this angel guiding my boat listened by something like a moonlight and all I could do was just be that experience remains etched in my mind the stillness of it all that soul reference was a reference for me for permanent fulfillment and peace that I felt in the depth of my soul I was now back in the hospital room with the bright light flat on my back in my hospital bed and now in a full-on panic that kind of peace I only knew to be a deaf kind of peace and then the angels and my family and friends surrounding me and a horseshoe I wasn't ready for that and so I started screaming the loudest internal scream of my life I'm not ready to die I'm not ready to die God do you hear me I'm not ready to die and I thought okay I have to be more convincing I need to be more convincing that's when I started looking at everyone's eyes and I was like there's so much more love we have to exchange and then I thought okay I need to be more convincing and I thought I still want to procreate in love I hadn't had a child here and I still had more growing of my soul to do and I still had my service to perform on earth and I prayed and I prayed and I thought okay I'm going to die I need to see my mother and my sister so earlier in that day my brother had given me a pad to write on and when I tried to write on it it has come out of scribble see I could think clearly but the translation from my thoughts the paper wasn't happening and so during the day I told myself the next time that I write I would practice to make every line work and every curve work that I could communicate it was the only way that anyone could communicate with me and so I wrote to my brother where is my mother he then ran out of the room and I overheard him talking to her with a crush 3 2 tone in his voice come now she's here come now and when he said that I knew that whatever it happened to me had been long and difficult and so when he came back in I also asked where is my sister he told me she was on her way and I hoped that what he was saying was true I have this yearning for my sister that I couldn't put into words it was because she stayed by me during the 5 days and nights of my coma she had literally saved my life she's always been my warrior and protect her and I thought to myself ok I can't be dying just yet she has to be calm when I was younger I was terrified of dying it was this visceral thing for me that I I was just afraid that there was going to be this end that I couldn't fix I thought I could somehow figure out how not to die so I would practice and it turned into this anxiety in my adolescence because I could never figure it out and here I was right in the middle of it and guess what death isn't eerie it's the thought of it that consumes us if the thought of it that misses that death is merely an extension of life which then forces us to live in alignment to be here to really be here to use our energy in and around us energy that we create our thoughts multiply our hearts multiply our love multiplied we do not and but on this day I thought my time might be up everything suggested it I have this gift where I'm able to see in the future through my dreams sometimes literally and other times figuratively their personal codes for me to disentangle and on this day it was on overdrive I have literally experience everything in vivid detail this day it's almost like the movie sliding doors and so the doctor is going to walk in you're going to kneel by my bedside he's going to chill his head to the left she's going to smile but I see in his eyes that he's really worried I wonder why he's going to look across the room and talk to someone I can't see on the other side he's going to hold my hand she's going to get up he walks out the door he puts a pan in his left pocket and then I turn to the right and I see four bottles of my favorite water fountain vallye spring and I thought to myself how does that get in this room we're in the hospital and I wondered all day are my visions really true and then my cousin walked in hours later and opened her bag and placed the four bottles of water right there on the table thank you that was the first day I woke up from my coma are the blue arguably the most difficult day of my life I was diagnosed with cavernous sinus thrombosis I developed a clot in my left eye behind my left eye that turned into an explosion that I didn't recognize I was in a coma for five days and recovered over a month and at the end of my recovery the doctor still had no clue why that had happened but I knew I was stressed I was knee-deep in making it happen I just started my company stuffy style and led the the pain of trying to start something from nothing lead me to stress and a deficit mentality seppius old latin for I have come to know I've taken control of I see I built this company with a passion for allowing people to connect with their style for empowering them through technology and I get to when a daily basis help people to take that power that they give away and here I was giving it away to fear when I got home I prayed for two thing I prayed for a full and complete healing and I prayed that I would understand why this had happened to me the first answer came that night in a dream I was in a classroom and when I looked to the board I saw that my name was in the middle I was mediocre at something that I was supposed to be great at and when I looked at what those things were they were three thing one was empathy two was caring for other and three was showing others the way simple things I can be so complicated and when I actually took a step back and looked I realized that all of my successes in life were rooted in those three things the other answer came over time I would go to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night in a different state of consciousness and there would be conversations happening in my head which I later realized were angels actually working and fixing me and they would have medical terms they would say the fixed nerve pass the scalpel for fun to low be careful and they would give me instructions how to lay at night and so when I woke up in the morning it was so hairy and being in these different realities at different times and so for some mornings I would lay on my right side for an hour scared that I might be interrupting the healing process and on the last day that they visited me they came and they started to class congratulations congratulations your heels and they kept seeing it over and over and I realized they wanted me to remember it when I woke up so I ran to the bathroom and when I got to the bathroom and I looked at my eye it wasn't heal and I did that every morning for months even though I knew that I was already healed I just wasn't healed physically second guessing our route knowledge that's our energy as human being we have a vast amount of resources available to us beyond the veil of fear beyond the veil of distrust beyond the veil of disbelief if we take heed to the resources that are given to us and use them wisely against conventional wisdom we all know why we are here even if for things that we don't want to admit or things that we are afraid of and so I asked you to remember those things to hold fast to your dream because our wildest dream lead to our true with reality so be still in your boat hold on to your dream and you'll be on your way to that permanent fulfillment and peace that I felt in the boat and I pray that we all feel in our boats collectively and the last thing I just want you to remember is that we do not and thank you you