Transcript

The 5 People Who Shape Your Success | Jonathan Ljungqvist | TEDxJönköping University

URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4rpw2dBlQY
Video ID: N4rpw2dBlQY
============================================================

[applause] [sighs] How many in here have had a dream? Raise your hand. You know that type of dream that keeps you up at night. I believe that is an unbelievable feeling to have. But how many in here have shared a dream like that with the wrong type of friend? [laughter] Maybe you shared a dream like that with a very critical friend. And the critical friend will tell you, "Who do you think you are? Do you think you're special? You lack the skills. How many in here have experienced that? Raise your hand. It can be really painful to share a dream like that to a critical friend. Or how many in here have shared a dream like that with a pessimist and the pessimist will tell you how would you afford that? What about your mortgage? Or have you ever shared a dream like that with a very realistic type of friend? And after that conversation with a realist, your dream doesn't feel so exciting anymore. How many can relate to any of these experiences? Raise your hand. All of you. And I believe this is the danger when our when we share our dreams and our visions and our goals with the wrong type of friends. And that's what I would like to talk about today. What if we do the opposite? What if we learn how to attract in the right type of friends? The friends that will say, "Let's go. I will join you. I will help you. You're fantastic." Because when I made this shift in my life, I mean in the beginning I failed at basically everything because I included the wrong type of friends in my dreams and my visions and my goals. But when I made this shift and I included these five characters of friends that I will give to you today, everything changed. When I was 20 years old, I rode a bicycle from Sweden to Tanzania in Africa. Even if the pessimist said, "You're gonna die." I I roll the ski across our Australia. It was 4,000 kilometers straight across Australia. Even if the realist said, "Well, you never roll the ski before. You should probably try it in Sweden." But because I had the right type of friends supporting my dreams and my visions and my goals, everything became possible. So I spent 14 years being very interested about this subject and I also started to study I started to study some of the most influential people on this planet and I started to study their friends and I could see some patterns between my five categories of friends with the friends of Oprah with the friends of Cristiano Ronaldo Tony Robbins and today for the first time ever I'm here to share this with you so you can go after your big dream of yours. Does this sounds like 15 well-invested minutes of your life? Raise your hand. >> All right. Do you want to have them? >> All right. All right. The first character I call the opportunist. And the opportunist is that type of friend that will tell you, I believe in you. you can do it. Can I come? And for me, Marcus was that type of friend. I remember telling Marcus, I have a dream. I have a dream. I want to bike from Sweden to Africa to Tanzania. And Marcus said, I share that dream with you. I will come. said, "Do you have six months? Like, do you have a time?" "Yeah, let's do it together in one way or another. We can do this," said Marcus the opportunist. And I remember us coming to Sudan. How many people have biked through Sudan? Raise your hand. Oh, only me. It is hot. Do not do it. No, I'm kidding. I will be there. So, I remember Marcus and I, we climbed a small hill in Sudan, and we were watching the desert and we were going to cycle 1,000 kilometers across the desert and it was 50° hot and I was feeling so scared. What about the heat? What about the hyenas? I was just so afraid. And Marcus looked me straight in the eyes and he said, "Jonathan in one way or another. We can do this. I believe in us." Hundreds of times, Marcus has been that person for me. You want a person like Marcus in your corner when you're going towards your goals. Hundreds of times I've shared dreams and visions and goals with Marcus the opportunities and every time he have said I will join you let's go if you want you don't pick the opportunities like yeah I want you as my friend you need to be an opportunist for others if you want opportunist to find you need to be the opportunist for others Would you like to have the second one >> because the second one I believe is almost even more important? And I named the second character the therapist. And the therapist doesn't really need to be a real therapist. But the therapist is that kind of friend that will help you when you fall. Because we don't quit on our dreams and our goals and our visions when everything goes smooth. Usually we quit when we fall down and we don't know how to climb up again. And I remember two it was two years ago. Two years ago, Marcus um the opportunist, he called me and Marcus the opportunist said, "Jonathan, I got it. It's cancer." And um the doctors say it's untreatable. And um this was one of the worst phone calls I have ever received in my life. I remember driving up to to Marcus and we were sitting in the backyard of his parents' house and and um he looked so weak and he looked me in the eyes and he said, [snorts] "Jonathan, I have lived an extraordinary life. I'm so grateful. But this became so heavy for me. I I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to be as a friend. I didn't really know how to how to support him. and I just fell down into this black hole, not having the skills to climb up again myself. And that's in situations like that. That's when you need a therapist. And for me, Emil has always been that type of friend for me. I'm so grateful you're in this room but uh so many times you have seen when I can't climb up myself and you have been there for me you have supported me and I I can't express my gratitude towards you Emil the therapist the funny thing is but he is a therapist [laughter] but again the therapist doesn't need to be a therapist But Marcus called me again seven months ago and he said, "Jonathan, I have some news. The cancer has stopped spreading. I believe I can beat the cancer in one way or another. I can do this." The third one, the third one, what that you really want in your corner is the accountabilist. Someone that can be 100% honest with you. Someone that can show you tough love. I would say the difference between the accountabilityist and the critic or the pessimist is that the accountabilityist care. The accountabilityist wants you to succeed with your dreams and visions and our goals. And for me that person has uh has always been Alexander. I will never forget 2017 I did a lecture in Hobble and I felt I did well. People were laughing, people were coming up to me after the talk giving me high five and Alexander was there and I was like waving at Alexander and he looked at me like this. I was like, "So, is that a good feeling to have after a lecture?" And I said, "What what did you think when I entered the stage with the sound of the battlefield music?" And Alexander said, "Tomorrow we're going to have a talk." I was like, "All right." So, I drove up here to Yapping. It was 300 meters away from this place. And Alexander, he was so angry and he had four pages of feedback and he said, "Jonathan, if you want to be successful in Hobu, this is good enough. But if you want global success as a speaker, this is what you must do. Otherwise, you're not good enough." One of the feedback he told me was, "Lift other people above yourself. which is what this TEDex is all about. Even if I some days hate you, Alexander is also in the room because so many times I've been going to Amanda to say I'm not sure if I will keep Alexander as a friend or not. But I'm very very happy I did because I want to thank you for pushing me and showing me tough love. How do you found accountabilities? The accountabilities usually attracts two people with big dreams. So if you want accountabilities to find you, make sure you have big dreams and you're going after them because the accountabilities usually wants to take a part in that journey. The fourth one is actually also one of the most important ones. I called it the humorist. And the humorist is someone you can laugh with because if we go after our big visions and our dreams and our goals, sometimes life can get really serious. Can you relate to that? Raise your hand. And if a dream gets too serious, we usually quit. So you want a friend in your corner you can call and laugh with. And for me, that person has always been Adam. And I wasn't even sure now if I was going to share this story, but I will. And I will never forget it was eight years ago and I was going to do a lecture here in here in Yon Sharping. And eight years ago, I was very uncomfortable speaking English. That was one of my biggest fears. I was so bad at speaking English. So when Amanda and I when we were traveling around I could sit sit on a train station and I was feeling so scared that what if someone comes up and talk to me and in Copenhogen someone actually came up and said hello how are you then I have to step in and say oh he's fine but he can't talk. So imagine how scared I was doing a lecture here in Yun shopping eight years ago on English and I said how many will be there and they said 10 to 20 people. I said okay that's that's that's doable. 200 people shows up and I was like are they going to watch me? And I got so nervous. I started to drink a lot of water and coffee. And the tech guy, he said, "You need to add a microphone. Uh, five minutes to go, Jonathan." And I'm just drinking water and coffee. I'm feeling so nervous. And two minutes before the talk, I'm saying like, "I just need to go to the toilet. I'm so sorry. I've been drinking so much water." and the tech guy forgot to the microphone was on. So, it's 200 people in the room and I had a microphone on going to the toilet, you know, and sometimes I have this thing on the This is why I wasn't I didn't know if I was going to share a story, but I have this swing that thing when I'm whistling like so my microphone was on. I'm on the toilet. I'm whistling. So when I enter the stage, everybody is like almost dying of laughter and all I could think about this is going to be an epic story to share with Adam. And I shared this story with Adam and Adam said there is going to be a time Jonathan when you can share this on big stages. This is the type of stories we need. So it's like with Adam, I can turn everything into a fun story and that's therapy as well. I believe I'm not sure Adam if you are in this room but I also would like to say thank you to you. I think you're here. >> See? Yes. And we start laughing. Thank you so much, Adam, for the thousands of laughter together. I I really love you my my brother. And the fourth one, the fifth one, sorry, is the strategist. Someone when the opportunist goes to the strategist. I see myself as the opportunist. And usually I go to a strategist, which is Eric for me, someone who loves to lay the puzzle. So I go to Eric and I say, I have this vision and this dream. And I share it with the strategist, Eric. And then he disappears for like a couple of weeks like he did with this talk. I shared a dream about doing a TEDex about friendship with Eric and then he disappears and after a couple of weeks he comes back with pictures with names with steps and I think I've shared 30 to 40 dreams with Eric the strategist and this has happened. So, I'm very very grateful for having a friend like Eric the strategist as well. So, here are the five categories of friends you want in your corner when you go after your big dreams and visions and your goal. So make sure make sure you have these type of friends supporting you towards your dreams and visions and our goals. My name is Jonathan. Thank you so much for today. It's been an honor. Thank you. [applause and cheering] >> [applause]