The Science of Calm and Sanity | Katarzyna Leszczyska-Bohdan | TEDxUniversity of Lodz
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTFDmtggYfE Video ID: PTFDmtggYfE ============================================================ You probably want many things for Christmas, but getting fired is not on the list. And here I was on December 23rd thinking more about packing gifts than my stuff because I have I was invited for a promotion outside the company structure. There was no sign it was coming. Just the day before I was discussing about achievements and plans for the next few months. We were okay and come have common ground with the board. But at that meeting I heard a dry mother of fact information. I was just laid off as a part of company white. First I was just stunned. My mind played psome and heart tried to break the uh record for 100. Not a good match. But then surprise and rage with burning cheeks came out and what? How dare you? Just before Christmas, you heartless people. Then came their guilt. Was I not good enough? Why I didn't see this coming? And small wave of sadness showed in the background because I just loved what I was doing. And then shame, fear and uh like shame, big shame over me and I was run of air and felt totally dizzy. What will people say? How do I start over now? That cocktail of emotions hit me like a crowd on sales grabbed everything. But actually, what came out of my mouth? That was masterpiece of professionalism or maybe a denial mechanism. Oh, okay. No problem. Um, can I help with the remaining layoffs? I'll be happy to prepare others for this difficult situation. I thought maybe if I say something like this that could help me feel better. But frankly, fear was running the show. I totally forgot that I could calm myself down in just 15 seconds and start think more clearly thanks to Socratic algorithm. That's why I want you to be smarter than me. And I prepared five simple steps to upgrade to upgrade your mental control. And first I have a secret from a psychiatrist and you can do it with me. I just made uh did it before coming to stage. It's about breathing. Put your hands like on the picture on chest and belly and start with me this 15 second trick. It's about breathe in for 4 seconds, quick hold, exhale for eight seconds like it will blowing out birthday candles. And another quick hold. Repeat dozen times. What does it doing? Well, it put us in here and now. So, I could finish here. But no, because I really know that every single thing that we have in our lives can drop us down and messes with our emotions. And actually, losing a job is one of the top 10 most stressful situations of our life. I mean it. It's just after getting married. But the first place is death of our spouse. And I know I know we all die someday. But some of us will go far too early. And who is at the greatest risk? Well, we people who care too much. Freelancers, students, uh leaders, top management. And we can fall into one of three categories. First, quarrelome and aggressive. Um let me tell you that if you will behave in aggressive way, that means um 50 to 75% higher risk of coronary heart disease and heart attacks. Kind of poor choice. If I'll be feel unpleasant emotions and be very neurotic, um I will higher the risk of uh immune problems and mental health disorders 30% higher. This is also research proof. And the third group, well, people who are too agreeable. If I'll be nervous, my heart will stop by now. But I opted out for more passive aggressive route and that's why I am the group of two nice people. So well I'm sorry but this approach uh can develop denial personality and uh autoimmune disorders kind of poor choice again. So what can we do to avoid this bad draw in the lottery? Um for example we can boost uh other hormones and neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonamine, oxytocin and endopins. Um if you want to know how this we can do try to recall the feeling of the first kiss that's we're looking for because that 50 trick releases serotonin and it's worthy. So I have more of that science-based micro habits for you just to find a balance and uh communicate better with ourselves. So let's start with the second build your inner resilience and practice MBSR. Why? Because MBSR really reboots your brain. It's like making your brain and you a zen-like master of calm. And that means you can release your stress. But hey, even the best and master needs an outer perspective from time to time. It's like having someone who pointed out the pesle stick in your teeth. Uh you didn't see it, but sure they did. And to make it happen, try to work with mentor or coach because he can grab that inner perspective and point the blind spots that you can uh not match and to make it regularly try to get enough sleep and wake up at the same time. I know that was in in different uh talk but really it's insomnia doesn't make you cranky. it more than doubles uh risk of depression. It's like if you all nighters and try to grab everything uh on the same time. It's like sending a formal invitation to anxiety and panic attacks. A recipe regretfully accepting. And fourth, actually this is the most positive thing. find your flow and uh multiply your positive emotion. Um there is a guy Hungarian psychologist Mih Chicken Miho who introduced the concept of flow. those magical moments of losing when you lose track of time because you're so absorbed what you're doing and uh make it on the list and try to at least one thing per day because after months and longer you will be more happy. And if you want to know how to say this most difficult name in uh psychology, here's the pronunciation. You're welcome. Miho chicks and Miho. He says that we are not the best ourselves when we bored but when we stretch ourselves to the limits and then we increase our growth and make things and world better and free our minds. And the fifth, actually my favorite, it's separate emotions from beliefs. Um, I'm pretty sure that you all know those mantras like you can do it, never give up and the best one. I love it. You are the winner. Um, maybe it's unpopular opinion, but I think that positive thinking doesn't work. at all. It's not uh what we need. We need healthy thinking grounded in facts, not fantasy. And the master and superhero of this healthy thinking was Sucrus himself and modern psychologist uh pimped up his method into five golden questions. Let's talk about that inner dialogue that we probably know too well. Um, this example project is a joke. Uh, the lecturer, supervisor, boss, uh, wants to pen us down. He or she is an idiot. I'm too busy for this crap. Sounds familiar. Uh before you uh your thoughts will take over, let's reality check and go with that five uh healthy thinking questions. First, does my thinking based on facts? It's fact that you got an exam or had project and was tough. But thinking that my supervisor hates me, it's more like your brain making stuff up except you try to insult his favorite band. Um, not every grade or bad project comes with the conspiracy theory. Second question, does my thinking help me protect or uh life or health? Um, cramming for hours like training for Olympics of overwork uh isn't the best play. Exhaustion won't win uh you any medal promotion or better grades. So sometimes the best I think what you can do is just to take a rest and your zombie version. It's uh not that you can do actually the couch is not your enemy. So take a rest. Three. Does my thinking help me achieve my goals that real ones not only passing this exam? Uh how do you want to feel calm, confident? What do you want to achieve? Let's keep it on the really common ground and then try to help your thoughts. And four, does my thinking help me avoid uh or resolve unwanted questions? It's not about that. Okay, maybe you can think that your professor is an idiot and it might help you feel better for a 5 seconds, but does it work in the long run? Not really. So, it's not like he's sitting there thinking, I'm going to make a living. How exactly you? It's not going with the conspiracy theory and your life it's not a soap opera so make it easier and the fifth one the last will my thinking help me uh feel emotions I want to feel that real ones calm confident or you're starring in your own horror movie and if your thoughts are more like more like I'm screwed then. H I can do that. Maybe it's time to flip the script because your thoughts and brain should be your best wingman, not the worst enemy and critic. And that's it. That's reality check and healthy thinking in a nutshell. And it's not about sugarcoating reality. So next time just take a break, breathe and remember even Batman but Batman naps sometimes. I truly believe you can master your mind in moments of crisis to achieve your long-term uh success. And yes, it takes time and effort, but at the end of the of the day, it's really worthy to sum up my story. Another time, my boss and I had a huge disagreement. Uh, he tried to convince me that I was forgetting or even was intentionally striking his business. We were both upset. But at that time, that 50-second trick with uh with breathing and five questions about healthy thinking helped us find the common ground. As they say, half of our mistakes happen when we feel instead of think. The other half, well, when we eat pizza, ice cream, and booze at midnight thinking that it will not affect us the next day. Sure it does. Here's a reminder. We are not vocams. We need to feel the same as we think. But the key is which is which. Thank you. [Applause]