Scar wing: This is not a story of medical malpractice | Joelle Samaha | TEDxNDULouaize
[Music] jabran allow me to take it from here and share with you all the past four years of my life I don't have it figured out already but I have a few answers related to the scars on the left side of my body and a few answers about change and how to deal with the unexpected it all started when I turned 30 I still remember a picture of my birthday it had everything I wanted I was in good health positive highly energetic I had my wonderful family next to me I had my best friends I just started a job in the most famous institution in the country and I had a boyfriend who claimed out loud how crazy he was about me the perfect Kodak moment little did I know sbpa little did I know that four months down the line that fragile little image will break into pieces but first let me ask you a few questions who here suffered from heartbreak raise your hand who here was bullied at work raise your hand who here suffered from health issues or Worse medical malpractice raise your hand this is the story of my scars I slipped on an afternoon of a very hectic day I said remember vividly that day because I was trying to convince myself not to quit my job although it was obvious that there was a clash of value with the working culture I really longed to be part of a learning environment somewhere where they value individuality and my relationship was going through a rough patch a very alarming rough patch and I really needed some time to think and I slipped a simple slip that led to an explosion of my left elbow and a 7-hour major operation when I woke up they told me I was really lucky to have a functioning arm that the bone exploded but there was no damage to the nerve or muscles now all I had to do was rehabilitate my hand for the coming N9 months until the next operation where they would remove the 12 plages of titanium that was supporting my elbow now I was raised to deny pain that the body had no value that this connection is the only way to survive and this is what I did I completely disconnected from my body went on autopilot I'm fine nothing happened now what I forgot to tell you is that I'm a lefty and one of the major pleasures of my life is writing and painting living with one functioning hand while the other one tightly wrapped barely moving during during the physio session all I had to do is say I'm fine nothing happened that was my answer answer for everything all I had to do is deny the pain the change of weight the constant fatigue I am fine nothing happened but life wanted it differently so allow me to share with you two instances that kind of sum up those nine months on my first day back at work my manager looking at my hand gave me this whole speech that I don't have an excuse to act like a handicapped in order for me to avoid work and remember that boyfriend the one who claimed out loud he loved me well the day of the operation he decided that life was too tough and that he couldn't be there to support me and that I had enough strength to do it on my own what a wakeup call for a grownup who thought that she had everything she wanted the pain and those two instances were my first Catalyst in my journey of change it took me less than a month to find a new career in Learning and Development and it opened my eyes to A New Perspective of life it became my own Journey my own Learning and Development Journey but I was up for a roller coaster yes I did change situations but I I did not change my mindset let me walk you through what happened after that first accident four years maneuvering the Lebanese medical system three major surgeries that led to a transplant 16 kilos extra kilos of toxins in my body due to antibiotics anesthesia and surgeries and that no doctor would admit six physiotherapists too busy taking numerous clients to actually customize an approach for my hand which led to more damage and then 3 months of deep fear when my hand started acting out one test that revealed what my surgeon was hiding a failed attempt to fix my tendon that was broken due to the Titan due to the titanium plagues the anchor that was used was a metal anchor and it was broken and and swimming Loosely in the articulation causing damage nerve and muscle nerve in addition my triceps was degenerating and losing its functionality three surgeons who refused to take my case in fear of jeopardizing the reputation of their esteemed colleague and finally one surgeon who accepted my case and one transplant where they took a part of my body my left thigh and used it to Patchwork my elbow and finally two major scars on my body now this is not a story about medical malpractice cuz let's face it it's Lebanon I would have lost my hand my money and my time fighting a lost battle now pain is a very lonely lonely Journey but it humbles you and it sheds light on what truly matters I remember waking up one day laughing and asking myself how did I get here and the only answer that came to my mind was it's because you didn't react actually you were passive all you were doing is reacting you never took a proactive step so I forced myself to wake up every day look at that stranger in the mirror that I didn't recognize anymore and remind her to thrive not only to be a victim of circumstances and then suddenly the story that I was telling myself was not anymore about heartbreak or bullying or medical malpractice or trauma it became a story of regaining control of my life so I started my 110 days project of gratitude where I forced myself to post one gratitude per day on social media it kind of did a ripple effect and my surroundings started speaking a language of gratitude and I realized that I was so blessed that my days were not as dark as I thought I had a father who was there for every physio session every exercise and every crying session I had a mother who taught me the value of prayer I had a wonderful sister who turned every hospital room into a garden of laughter and the Harry Potter marathon I had an aunt my soul mother who never left my side but never treated me like I was broken I had a best friend who made made sure I would look beautiful every time I'd leave the hospital standing in front of me next to the mirror reminding me why scars reveal the best of us instead of giving up on writing and painting I taught myself to color again I bought one coloring book per year and I managed to finish a coloring book per year and that was my first Victory I attended art therapy workshops writing workshops um storytelling workshops and find new ways to write I I even use the weakness in my hand and as a new form of Art and since I had a manager who had who was intuitive enough to challenge me and give me space to grow I even found a new passion for training and facilitation and I tried to manage to Channel all this pain into motivation and and energy with my participants the funny part was that a few people in my life thought they took it on themselves to monitor my weight and they couldn't understand that what that was the least of my worry because For the first time in my life I had a connection with my body I learned how to love my body and listen to it and since the regular Medical Practice wasn't helping I went into alternative healing techniques and I found a new difference between what a Healer is and a doctor is and I learned that a body will only be in that a body can be healthy if it's aligned with the emotion the mind and the spirit one of the best compliments I ever had is that you did not change it's ironic since we're talking about the Alchemy of change but it's true the core that strength that makes you who you are are will always be untouched and it reveals itself in those moments as I was observing everything that I thought I cared for slip away I understood that Life Will Go On at every corner there might be another unexpected event maybe another miracle and maybe other scars but where I am will never Define who I am someone very dear to me reminds me on a daily B said that I am so lucky because I didn't start my life yet that I can start writing my book from that moment Blank Slate with no um defined images so I created a game what did I lose and what did I gain yes I might have lost a career but I gained a calling and a deep interest in well-being I might have lost the perfect relationship but I gained a healthy perspective about love and especially about self-love I might have lost acquaintances but I gained Soul friends who are passionately in love with life I might have lost the strength in my hand but I gained the power of resilience one of the healing techniques that I tried was traveling to India for a treatment and I remember on my last day my doctor looked at me with a funny smile and with his beautiful accent told me that if it took a tendon to break for me to let go of that limited perspective of Life maybe it's worth it because I just gained my my real life so what are you waiting for don't wait for a wake up call and write your own life thank you [Music]