Transcript

Sia spokoju | Monika Stankiewicz | TEDxGdynia

Hello [Music] Hello, I always dreamed of being a novelist, to be like Agatha Christie, to write novels and crime novels. I never became a writer, but I have prepared a story for you today. There was a gardener who took great care of his garden and he had a lot of flowers in it. He was very proud of it. He took care of these flowers and made sure it had plenty of sun. One day you will notice that not all flowers are doing well, there are some that don't grow. Our gardener doubled his efforts and took even more care of these flowers. He checked if there was any ingredient that I wanted somewhere. He gnawed at the roots in vain. The flowers, the materials, dark spots appeared on the leaves and stopped growing. Gardening quickly gave him advice to his old master who came to the garden. He looked at his plants and said, "Yes, you take very good care of your garden, but these flowers are different. They get sick because they have too much sun." How angry did our hero get? You once told me that flowers need a lot of sun to click to be beautiful. It's true, the old master said, "But these flowers are different." Flowers like it best when the sun that reaches them is Weaker and scattered flowers bloom beautifully when in the shade. Our hero got angry and said, " Why do I need these flowers then? I'll just throw them away and plant other flowers in their place." He shook his head and said, "Think about it for a moment because by getting rid of these flowers from the garden, you'll be getting rid of something extremely valuable. You'll be getting rid of the beautiful white bellflower flowers that delighted our eyes so much every spring. We won't smell the difficult scent that has been highly valued by perfumes for centuries, but we also won't have substances that have been used for decades to treat heart and circulatory system diseases. And these flowers I mentioned about making May flowers. I told you this story because I'd like to conduct a thought experiment with you. If we assumed for a moment that flowers are people and you, the sun's rays that reach us are stimuli from the environment, such as heat and cold, noise, interaction with other people, it might turn out that there are people who really like and seek out an environment where there are plenty of these sun rays and these stimuli, but there are also people who can endure such an environment, but for a shorter time. Then they need a moment alone, a moment of silence. If we look at the extra version of introversion, the controversy surrounding it, the preferences for a certain level of stimulation with these stimuli, it may turn out that we can choose an environment that is optimal for us, neither insufficient nor overstimulating, neither too boring nor too irritating, because people are like flowers, some like full sun, while others bloom in the shade. I am an introvert, and the moment I accepted this fact, my life changed for the better, I found strength, such strength of peace. Hello, acceptance was the first step for me to peel off the labels of such myths that have been very unfairly attached to me as an introvert. One of the most frequently heard myths that circulates is that we are shy, unsociable gardens, when in fact, it turns out that there are fundamental differences between a shy person and an introvert. Moreover, I often hear from my groups with whom I conduct classes that I cannot be an introvert because now I am talking to them, and I am an introvert and I have papers to prove it. Another label that has been attached to us, and Related to the belief that to be successful, you have to be a go-getter and have self-confidence locked in your book. Today, yes, this is an element for introverts. She cites research showing that people who speak quickly are considered more competent and confident. Those who speak slowly, we have introverts. We can speak slower, and worse still, we don't look each other in the eye. We can connect with each other to concentrate. I have to go deep within myself, and that's why I often look for answers on the ceiling or in my own mistakes. This often causes me to label myself as unsympathetic, insecure, and maybe even sometimes false. Another myth that accompanies us is that we are like this today: quiet and unsociable, we rarely speak, and we often have an inscrutable face. The fact is that introverts prefer intimate meetings, such as two or three people. We like deep discussions, long conversations, we warm up before we make new social contacts, and we hate athletes, i.e., small talk. But the fact is, once we establish this social contact and become friends, these friendships are very important to us, and we can really have a great time. Extroverts and introverts are different and that's beautiful. We're like flowers in a garden. They need a lot of interaction. They like it when there's a lot going on, when there's contact with other people. Others, like me, need that contact, but a little less, and sometimes they need that armchair and blanket to calm down and be alone, to be with themselves. Each of us is born with a specific set of personality traits, both by nature and by culture, but we can also behave in a way that's unusual for us if it's only to achieve our priorities, such as life goals that are important to us. That's why you can meet an introvert in a place that at first glance seems like an unnatural environment for us, like this scene. But we also have to remember that we suffer the consequences of this. It's a bit like running with an app running that counts our kilometers. The battery in such a device drains faster. It's important to realize that you're an introvert and accept this fact. Therefore, such a situation can happen. A certain girl with her friends was very excited about her first day of school. I was very excited. I was curious about her class. What kind of teacher would she be? The first day of school finally arrived, and I'll just add that it was a typical thousand-year-old experience, which is a real shame. There were a lot of children, a lot going on, and it was very loud, especially during recess. This excitement was enough for the girl for quite a while. But today, about halfway through class, the girl's mother was sent to school and was told that the child needed something to eat. There was something wrong with her, that she was hiding in her shell because she wasn't active in class. She didn't volunteer to answer, although when asked directly, she usually knew the right answers during recess. She didn't play with the children, and after school, instead of playing with them in the after-school club, she simply ran away. And it looked like she was intellectually delayed. The girl's mother returned home and shared the story with her husband, and of course, I overheard the conversation. Although the parents knew their child was okay, it was the first time, the first signal the world received that something was wrong. Meanwhile, I discovered the library, which she went to practically every recess, and that library helped her survive until the end of elementary school. The child was an introvert and didn't know that it was okay. Do you want to know what happened to this girl? She met wonderful teachers along the way who helped her discover her superpowers. She graduated from university and started working. In the meantime, she became a trainer, lecturer, coach, and I work with people, and she is an example of what an introvert can achieve. He knows his strengths perfectly. I accept myself and make sure to discharge my batteries. Girl, I stand here before you, thank you. [Applause] How did this happen? I learned to take care of this excess of stimuli. Billie Sparrow. I take care of my needs. How do I do it? I make sure to spend time alone with myself. This is my way. A blanket and an armchair. But if there are introverts in the room, you certainly have your own ways. I give myself time to think. I make sure I get enough sleep. My battery recharges on long trips. Interesting places that I go to with my extroverted husband. We get along great because he has a 3-day-and-3-day schedule, but in one place, we complement each other perfectly, and we both benefit from it. When they come out of their shell, they do it consciously. Statistics say that introverts make up 30 to 50 percent of society, so in this room, it would be just like this. If you clicked on it, it would turn out that almost half the room is empty, there are no people for whom perhaps there are too many people, perhaps interacting with other people here is tiring for you, but you are here because you are curious about the world, you are curious about people, you are curious about new ideas, and someone might say, why bother with introverts? In today's world, a dynamic, courageous, and expressive attitude is preferred. They will simply adapt. And I would like to invite you for a moment to a world where introverts are absent because they have adapted. Can you imagine a world where there is no Microsoft, or a world where there is no pretty woman because there is no actress playing the main role? A world where we cannot use the benefits of Google because one of the creators of Google is missing? A world where there is no musical, but also many other cool movies because there is no leading actress who will win, nor is there one of the former presidents of the United States? Harry Potter and his world does not exist because there is no author who conjured up this world. We do not have Apple, and iPhones do not exist because there is no one The founders of this company, and what a shocking fact, there is no one who is called upon to answer today. There is no Facebook since childhood. Famous introverts are very long, just like famous extroverts, and the list of people we don't know is even longer. But the important thing is that all these people use their natural predispositions, their strengths. What if we all used these strengths that result from our predispositions? If I were to say what I would like you to remember from my speech today, is that introverts have their superpowers, and they result from the environment we prefer and choose. These are our gifts. There are many of them, so forgive me, I will only mention a few of them. The first one is listening. Introverts like to listen and can listen beautifully, and the ability to listen is becoming more and more appreciated. There is even a saying that when I say something, what I hear is what I already know. When I listen, I can learn something new. Another gift comes from the fact that we prefer to work in peace and quiet and alone in the world, and these are the ingredients necessary for this. To activate our concentration, creativity, and reflection, whether they are necessary, assess for yourselves. Another gift is preparation. If you want to be sure that everything has been taken care of down to the last detail, that all aspects and possibilities have been taken into account, and this is for an introvert. My husband, seeing you preparing for this presentation, came up to me and said, " Only 18 minutes and so many notes." I could take one note for 18 minutes and talk about it. I don't have to add that my husband is an extrovert, but I can't do that. I have to prepare, but thanks to this, when on one of our trips someone asked who packed the bag with the most necessary things and heard that it was me, he was very happy. And my favorite calming effect, because we introverts have a calming effect on others, we calm down emotions. I often heard from groups I participated in as a participant that the value that can be added to a group is peace, and I really didn't like it. Believe me, because others bring joy, energy, humor, and peace, but I learned to appreciate it because people seek peace. This is a value that is in short supply today. And here, available and, importantly, over-the-counter strength is available. In the differences, extroverts and introverts are different and complement each other like flowers in a garden. We fill different niches. I need energy. I have an extrovert husband and a best friend. They bring energy. They calm down. They soothe. Different does n't mean worse. So if you're an extrovert and you're worried that someone isn't making eye contact with you or is silent, maybe they're an introvert and that's just their natural way of behaving. And if you're an introvert and you're wondering if this is okay, think about what superpowers you can bring to our world to make it better for a moment. Because you're an introvert, you have the strength. There's strength within you. The power of peace. Thank you. [Applause] [Music] Hello.