Transcript

Making sexual violence history | Agnes Török | TEDxGöteborg

[Music] what if I told you that you are all part of the jury that could end one of the most widespread forms of violence existing in the world today what if I told you that you already know a victim of this crime but they are your friends your family members the people you love and that you can be the difference between life and death for them what if I told you you also already know a perpetrator but your judgment your action or inaction can be the difference between holding them accountable and them continuing to harm those people you love what if I tell you that together we can make sexual violence history yes I'm going to be talking to you about sexual violence because I believe we can end it and I want to talk to you about higher because in order to end it we need the talk these are difficult issues to talk about difficult because so many people are so deeply affected difficult because so much shame and guilt are attached to speaking I out difficult because these are big issues deeply ingrained in our societies but I'm going out on a limb here and I'm talking to you about it because I believe we can change things but I'm gonna need your help to do that so Who am I to be talking to you about this to be standing on this stage taking up your time I am someone who comfortably believed that rape was something that happened to other people until it happened to me I am a survivor of years of sexual violence and domestic abuse I'm an artist an activist an ambassador part of a movement that spans generations and continents and centuries a movement to change our laws and our societies to create and continue a conversation about sexual consent and ultimately to end sexual violence for good I've had years to think about these issues about how to solve them about writing about how to solve them but this might be new to some of you so I want you to know what it is we are fighting for because it's gonna be a big fight and a long fight it's gonna be a big fight and in order for us to have the motivation to keep fighting I think we need to think about what it is we're fighting for so I'd like to invite you to close your eyes please I want you to imagine a place where all people of all genders feel free and safe when walking home alone at 3:00 a.m. or we are all able to look up at the stars and smell the morning dew and listen to the siren of the city waking up and revel in the joy of that I want you to imagine a place where all people of all genders feel free and safe when coming back home at 3:00 p.m. where we all feel at ease in our own kitchens and in our own beds a place where none of us feel afraid when we walk out the door or when we come back in I want you to imagine a world where we don't spend so much time and energy on things like pepper spray and police apps on our phone and keys hidden between our knuckles and loud fake phone calls to friends as we walk home where we can spend that time and money on a better thanks a world where we are all liberated from the ever-present fear of violence the constant calculation of risk and danger I want you to imagine a world where we can all look up at the stars at 3:00 a.m. instead of on who might be following us I'd like you to open your eyes night please this place you've imagined yeah I'm gonna label it the future that's what we're working towards that's what we're fighting for I truly believe that this future is possible but I also know it's gonna take a lot of work to get there because in the world we live in today most people do not have this freedom or this safety in the world we live in today someone is raped somewhere every 98th second to me that's a terrifying fact to remind us of the extent and the urgency of these issues I've asked the Ted team to give us a reminder every time 98 seconds have passed because I want us to know what's at stake here because it's gonna be a big fight and a long fight and we're gonna need some motivation along the way here's something rape is committed every day in every country and every community against people of every gender and age and class against people we love and trust and want to protect here's the thing you already know a victim of rape you also already know a rapist whether or not you know who those are the plain statistics that means that you my friend are already part of the jury this is a poem from my new book We Need to Talk it's called the jury before there is a police report if there is a police report before there is a trial if there is a trial before there is any attempt at legal justice there is the jury the jury is the families and friends the co-workers and classmates and acquaintances the unguarded crowd whose mixed reactions of support or disbelief of accountability or failure to take any responsibility determines everything to come the jury is the difference between leaving abuse and being forced coerced manipulated shamed and guilted into staying the jury is the difference between ending violence against the victim and perpetrating even more violence against them the jury can be abusers to the psychological abuse of disbelief and doubt of victim blaming of gossip mongering our gaslighting all over again are doing the abusers work for them the jury quite simply is the difference between life and death for a while the jury is everything not because they make decisions about the part the traitor but because they lay down the law the ultimate verdict for the victim the answer to the question will anyone believe me the jury deliberates on decides to all my fellow victims and survivors listening watching I want to say this I see you I believe you you are not to blame you are not alone I am with you we are with you and we will stand with you fight alongside you every step of the way to all of you when I say that you know a victim what do I mean by that statistically speaking no matter how large or small your friend group no matter how big your extended family you are related to a victim of rape you are friends with a victim someone you know and love has been raped or abused whether they've told you about it or not and I want to make this clear they are under no obligation to tell you about it when I say that you already know a perpetrator a rapist what do I mean by that I mean what exactly am i accusing you of here I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but rapists don't come with name tags stating their violent crimes being a rapist it's not a character trait or identity marker written on someone's forehead rape is a crime a choice committed by a perpetrator in a particular context against a particular victim a rapist can have raped one person and been nothing but consensual with another an abuser can have abused one partner and been nothing but kind to another this does not excuse their crimes this does not invalidate their victims testimonies and this means that you already know a rapist whether or not you know who I want to make this perfectly clear rape is not a natural phenomenon it's not an accident it's not incidental it's not unavoidable it's a man-made problem and it can be ended by us it can be ended by us since you already know a victim and you already know a perpetrator whether or not you know who your way of speaking about or staying silent about sexual violence strongly affects at least two people in your life you can choose to believe a victim and to support them you can choose to hold a perpetrator accountable to not excuse their crimes you can choose to be part of making sexual violence history alternatively of course you can do nothing and someone in your life who's had to experience this will find your silence terrifying even violent and someone in your life who has committed this will continue to believe that they can get away with violent crimes because they will be able to but only as long as people like us do nothing because we are all part of the jury here one of the most terrifying statistics I know is that today only six in every 1,000 rapists end up in jail that means nine thousand nine hundred and ninety four go free let me tell you that's that's not a statistic that makes me feel safe walking home alone at night that's not a statistic that makes me feel safe working or flirting or commuting or breathing that's not a statistic that makes me able to look up at the stars at 3:00 a.m. instead of on who might be following me the reason so few rapists are convicted has a lot to do with how we treat victims how we disbelieve and die owed victims by we I mean us collectively I mean I read societies our media our police forces our criminal justice systems I mean our collective willingness to treat victims as if they are on trial but treat perpetrators as if they are not responsible for their own actions what's propping up this willingness to disbelieve victims but excused perpetrators is this idea this idea that it's likely that victims would falsely report that they would report something that didn't happen or exaggerate what did I want to make this very clear not only is this blatantly factually untrue because no other violent crime is unlikely to be falsely reported as rape so not only is this blatantly violently untrue it is also the reason so few victims report in the first place it is also the reason so few victims even tell the people closest to them four years after they've been raped because they're afraid that it won't matter anyway that we won't take them seriously that we won't believe them and you know what far too often they are right our collective willingness to doubt victims to excuse rapists has attacked can't because doing nothing is not enough we need to start doing something we need to start doing something so what do we do we need to start talking we need to talk to burst the bubble of shame and guilt and silent complicity we need to start listening we need to start taking victims story seriously making an IRA job to support them instead of interrogate them and we need to start asking some very uncomfortable questions questions like why would you say that rape joke is funny questions like what do you mean that woman only reported her ex partner for abuse for the money or the attention or the fame questions like why have we made it almost impossible to report a rape and even harder to convict a rapist why do our police forces and our criminal justice systems interrogate victims so much and perpetrators so little questions like why and how do we change it I'm gonna need your help with this because we need to start doing we need to start lobbying for institutional and legal changes to create consent laws rather than rape laws making clear than anything less than a yes is a no we need to start educating police and legal personnel and we need to start having some very public conversations about how to stop racing rapists because we are racing them generations of them armies of them and it needs to stop because this problem will not go away on its own because under time since I started speaking to you ten people have been raped in the time it's gonna take you to go to the bathroom and grab a cup of coffee another ten will be and another 10 and another 10 and another 10 and another 10 and this constant flow of violence will not end until we end it until we end it we are each in a unique position to do this for the people we love and care about you can choose to support or not to support to believe or not to believe to lobby or not to lobby to listen to not to listen to speak or not to speak to act or not to act your choice can be the difference between life and death for someone you love your choice can be the beginning of a world where sexual violence is history in my lifetime I want us all to be able to walk home alone at 3:00 a.m. and look at the Stars in my lifetime I want us all to be able to come home at 3:00 p.m. and feel safe and respected in my lifetime I want all of our bodies and our boundaries to be unbroken and unbreachable in my lifetime I want us all to live lives free from violence and full of support it is possible in our lifetime it is possible but to make sexual violence history we all need to start doing the work together you