Fighting your Brain- The making of a strong woman | Dr Raina Khatri Tandon | TEDxKhargharWomen
when i was just a little girl i asked my mother what will i be will i be pretty will i be rich here's what she said to me he said wrong [Music] will be little did i know what my future upholds and the transitions that we see in every woman's life my friends yet these words gave me the strength for the legacy i seek to build and as i ponder in this inconclusive or this unambiguous future that we are surrounded with a little funny you must also view that that is how it's always been but maybe a little more now on the onset of this pandemic virus unknowns are unknowns what we can do is about our now yet i would like to give you a beacon into my humble beginnings new sunshine new opportunities new challenges and what next bring it on rose from a traditional business family it was the summer of may 2000 i remember my family came up to me and asked brenna what do you really want to become what is that you would like to pursue post your graduation and i said something very astounding to them an absurd thing i would like to be a masters in vlsi should design engineering from abroad what the gasp in silence our girl our own girl who's all well set in a family wanting to get into this corporate world of job making well well well he laughed and got women don't go out in our household and create waves they are meant to take care and nurture of their families and also build talents at home this was his words that night i was seriously thinking sleepless and i marked i shall be breaking these myths that we are surrounded with about girls about women i will be one to create medicine i would not want to fit into a glass slipper but yet i would want to take one step deny the culture and the people who dictate my end something funny you should note i didn't really want to break any glass feelings at that moment all i thought was to chase and believe that i can fulfill my dreams and with that i took some time off some years some months of focused research over the next three months and broke all barriers to go ahead abroad doing my masters from the university of westminster uk and believe that i was the first girl in the family of 12 siblings that my parents hold the first girl to create that breakthrough the first girl to go beyond and create a quantum leap the first girl to believe friends that dreams have wings to fly dreams had wings to fly not for girls alone not for boys alone but for us it was massive believe me but worth it change is inevitable that's we heard not easy but challenging and very enjoyable like a roller coaster life beyond that this was a beginning to the rising of a unique bu woman in and least did i realize that my thoughts my beliefs my perceptions all changed took shape with each situation and people every experience that i came across with people around me from different strata creed race religion and over boundaries made me a more courageous woman to make the right choice for myself beyond any limiting opportunities fears and fearless fears every growth every rise every fall a woman has in her life our the choices that she makes of the opportunities big or small good or bad yet an important thing happened in my life a milestone milestone to remember for every woman and that was marriage marriage is an influencing stage in every woman's life where she comes to think about what are the priciest decisions he makes thereafter also once i stepped into marriage something funny that happened to me was everything whether i was educated or successful like the other woman had to make choices with also an unexpected feeling from people around you the environment the people and families marriage brings in a lot of choices and decisions with new environment and new people yet let's give a peekaboo on the american psychological association which has reported some surveys the rise of stress in women the rise of stress in women stating that married women have higher levels of stress compared to single women almost three times 33 percent of women are stressed the reason for my stress will be very interesting for you to know in a few moments and then this process of transformation happened my friends this process were the evolution from moving on the present family to the next family with so-called differently built differently business oriented a new family a place where a woman like me created a mirage a mirage of her own life her own biases she had to know that she was meant to build something more but yes family is something that influences you so much to sometimes take decisions which are not part of you and with this space i also gave initially to this path where this differently built family i wanted should have expected and accepted that i had able to balance the personal and professional also a face came when i started to realize that there was a different role and existence that they paid but a lot of expectations settled the trivial rivalry with small occurrences also claimed the closeness between me and my husband and led to maybe some negative feelings soon these all mellowed down the years went by and it didn't really look as bad as it was but one day i was being triggered by a question asked by my child my boy biban came up to me and said mama can i ask you something and i said yes peter go ahead who does daddy and you love the most and i said i love you the most how much do you love me and i said i and daddy love you till the end of time till the end of the earth well if that is true then even dada and daddy also love daddy so much did you not think about it this unsaid words were deep and left me speechless at that moment i was a little immature and i must agree a little naive to understand that these things had to be taken care without any conflicts yet i accept it more humbly today that every person no matter they have strengths or weaknesses are unique and beautiful and this allowed the mental and the emotional rivalry which we thought of a little mirage was broken in the pandemic last year it was where when somebody fell ill in my family my mother-in-law we all came together and this was the power of us the power of women coming together which helped us sail effortlessly now this was the learning if a woman stands with another woman it becomes most powerful it is the biggest win it is just the game of the mind prejudice is a bubble that needs to be broken friends stand up for the dignity the rights of women stand up for yourself and believe me this impacted with the implementation a lot not only in my personal life but going ahead in my professional life where i started to help a lot of women go out understand themselves beyond and sensitize about women and women powers stand with each other not only in india gender sensitivity not only in it in abroad but all across boundaries and beyond where there were different people one learning which i wish to give you here when you let go of something then your hands are open to receiving what next you might just rise like a phoenix these are stories of my lifetime but one important thing that struck me next am i good enough to be a ceo to be a ceo to hit the boardroom leaders all i wanted was a deserving promotion all i did was complaining about the person who unexpectedly unintentionally inappropriately touched all this was the thoughts that came over my mind are women not around to be hitting the top are men always those who are to get the hikes the pay scales and the positions all the time is it not both together this was the thoughts i got time in now and again there are horrifying stories of sexual abuse sexual harassment workplace harassment and much more that we see today much more that we go ahead and see deeper as i studied the subject i realized it was nothing but a shopping epic epidemic and this continued surveys that were done by huffington post and cosmopolitan research at who show one out of every three women are subjective of sexual abuse and workplace honesty these are astounding yes but most of them unspoken and brushed over under the carpet yet such instances reoccurred and reoccurred in my workplace where i hit a lot of other culture organizations and something came up to me and said in the entrepreneurial journey there were instances of corporate culture oil plants where there were men and women creating this situation where they were being touched inappropriately there was a girl in the youth college that was also being cornered by a young guy of 15 years old and an outrageous event or something where you see your own working professionals also asking a sexual favor in return for a promotion are you alive is this your conscious enough is enough are you not going to do anything about this are you not going to help these women is what my voice told if not you then who you are going to be that limitless enabler for many of these voices you are going to be the person who are going to help them get unstoppable you are going to be these voices which are unheard that undergo agony shame and pain what could i have done i started writing stories blogs articles creating a lot of awareness a lot of educational programs over this topic in the capacity of being a woman and child advocate during my entrepreneur journal and something reckless happened there were loads of women who reached out to me talking about their story talking about their instances it was like a guiding light of them being unstoppable and hearing their inner walls and that is what we wanted all that they lacked was bringing out the courageous voice inside them today when i connect back the dots and see the innumerable circumstances where i questioned myself why me now i know that i had a sense of purpose to empower millions empower the women to understand the best version of themselves all i did was creating hope compassion and making them understand their own inner voice be unstoppable trust yourself believe in yourself you are beyond what you think as a supreme power just let yourself be strong and within let us create the breakthroughs today what next you must be thinking i know you know the answer believe in it and take the first plunge it's worth a try thank you