Unleash the Mom Guilt | Tiffany N. Stallings | TEDxWilmingtonLive
it was 1:00 a.m. in the morning and I had been sitting perched at my desk for the previous 12 hours when I heard the familiar chime of an incoming email message on the computer so I took off my glasses rub my eyes and stared in disbelief as I viewed an email message from my eight-year-old daughter now it was 1:00 a.m. in the morning and this is what my eight-year-old daughter said to me in the message mommy when are you coming home you work too much now this message left me full of angst and with a few questions it was 1:00 a.m. in the morning what was my daughter doing up at this ungodly hour how did she know how to send me an email message and what does she mean I work too much well unbeknownst to me earlier that night my daughter had been awakened by a bad dream and so she had scurried into my bedroom to try and get some comfort but once again I was not there because I had the audacity to pursue my American dream of being an entrepreneur and worked late nights night after night I had already felt guilty about the amount of time I was spending away from home but that email message put the nail in the coffin so today I'd like to talk to you about changing your mindset and unleashing the mom guilt now I had my first child as a 20 year old college sophomore and I remember always feeling guilty because I was unable to raise him the same way that I was raised when I had him I walked out of the hospital with a baby in one hand and less than a dollar in the other I remember feeling guilty because there were many mornings that I had to wake up a sleeping infant so that I could get to school and work on time and I would cry myself to sleep because I would only see him for a few moments at night before it was time to go back to bed I felt guilty guilty guilty but if you you fast forward a few years I got the husband the house and two more children but I still never really felt at ease I felt guilty because I didn't breastfeed long enough I felt guilty because on the weekends I simply wanted to rest instead of shuttling my children to yet another playdate I felt guilty because I couldn't afford to stay at home with them and I had to put them in daycare well eventually the marriage failed the business that I had spent ten years building and has sacrificed all of that time away from my children it folded there were times that I a college-educated woman with two degrees could not afford to feed my own children I became clinically depressed I was so downtrodden that one day I decided that the only solution was death but after much introspect and prayer it finally dawned on me that I was never going to be this perfect mom and I finally changed my mindset and unleashed the mob guilt by accepting three truths the first there is no perfect mom there is no one way no one perfect way to parent however there are a million ways to be a good mom the little things when your children want your attention give it to them put your phone down it's the second truth that I discovered was that comparison is a thief of joy now the advent of social media has allowed us into the lives of our friends and family members and college roommates and that boy we said hi to twice in 1999 but social media also makes us feel inadequate because we sit and we compare our lives to the ones we see online we sit and we scroll on Facebook and we sit and we compare ourselves to that seemingly perfect mom that can train for full marathons while simultaneously breastfeeding while still able to run a multi-million dollar corporation while us mere mortals we barely have time to finish a cup of coffee in the morning and we're digging goldfish out of our hair so stop comparing yourself take that time to take all of that wisdom that you have gained and share it with a new mom tell her all of the lessons that you have learned there is no need to compare and lastly our children they treasure special moments nothing our children are not going to remember something we bought them but they are going to remember the special times as busy working moms we get so caught up in our schedules and our Chia green smoothies and our upcoming conference calls but we need to take the time to just be in the car on the way to work sing songs at night when you're cooking dinner ask your children about their day now I still work very long days but I compensate by facetiming calling and just making sure my children know that I'm there now once I accepted these three truths that helped me to unleash the mom guilt I felt this overwhelming urge to share this profound information in to mothers everywhere so I decided to write a couple of books one children's book and one motivational book for women now I did not have high hopes for these books I was self-published I thought that I would sell to the one that I purchased and the one my mama bought but my children's book it resonated with mothers everywhere it became an Amazon bestseller and it was the number one new release within hours of its debut and it was was one of the most proudest moments of my life so I say join me in unleashing the mom guilt to the mother that's working the swing shift and she hasn't seen her children in a few hours unleash the mom guilt so the mother that's working in the corporate office who's trying to prove her worth by working 50 67 out of 70 hours per week unleashed the mom guilt to the single mom that has to work two jobs to make ends meet to the stay-at-home mom that dared to take five minutes to catch her breath to the mom that decided to bottle-feed instead of breastfeed unleash the mom guilt take that same energy and use it to inspire to empower and motivate your children for they love you just the way you are thank you you you