Compassion is the Antidote to Neurodivergent Shame | Raina Shroff | TEDxNashuaHighSchoolSouth
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAavvmhBiAU Video ID: gAavvmhBiAU ============================================================ foreign I hate to admit it I don't know what to do about it but today let me just share a story what it's like going through page 12 is a chronically like person to me every morning I sprinted wait no I can't Sprint I'm too weak let's be real I've jumped I jog through those School doors moments before they locked I like many neurodivergent people have always struggled with time blindness timeliness the inability to sense the passage of time I barely made it to classify the bill so I struggle with timeliness I've got an ADT diagnosis it's related to English and I got a 504 plan which addressed everything but time buttons yeah I I don't know either so when my teacher is like why are you always late every single day just a few minutes late to my class I was like ADHD time limits I tried showing her some research article wow yeah she wasn't mine she commented nowhere under ADHD accommodations plan does it say you can be late to my class and how could I review that I couldn't switch brains with my teacher even though that would be kind of cool if you could get inside each other's brain and see what's happening but that's not an option I couldn't talk back in this scenario I'm the problem it's me everybody agrees maybe my teacher is right I thought I need to try harder no more excuses when you've gotten invisible disability you don't just deal with your condition you battled the I'll call them co-morbid feelings of Shame feelings like just worry about what other people think feelings like do they think I'm being over dramatic making a big deal out of nothing Faking It am I cheese is a huge part of the disability experience but let me narrow it down even further there's a certain brand of shape neurodivergency the shame that accompanies someone living with a disability that affects Behavior now there's something called executive dysfunction and it's a primary characteristic of disabilities that fall under this neurodivergent umbrella autism spectrum learning disabilities ADHD I'm not going to go all Professor mode trying to explain to you Dr Tom Brown's model of ADHD executive function impairments but let me stimulate how it feels to struggle with executive dysfunction ready activation you had six months to write this Ted Talk and you only started two weeks ago what what is wrong with you true story emotion oh my God stop crying you're so dramatic ever what were you doing all day you wasted the whole day you're supposed to do your math homework it's barely done thank you a child with ADHD or near the Virgin child hear similar statements multiple times a day their whole life they start to wonder what is wrong with me they start to see themselves as the basket you don't look bad kid when the teacher always nag their homework was never done they sat out during recess it's true nobody wants to be friends with the bad kid study from the Journal of pediatric psychology revealed that 82 percent of children with hear rejections for one standard deviation above the meat these children face rejection from their peers that other kids don't have to fear it can set them up for a lifetime of soft love this was me in sixth grade I have one of those really big bubbly personalities slowly it diminished to someone who is more shy or reluctant to interact with others every day I'd come home from school wondering why does everybody hate me it's a small series of rejections that have really chipped away at my self-image think about those neurodivergent behaviors that I Illustrated earlier a lot of them have a social stigma attached to them we all know someone who mismanages time pops out a turn loses their things we all know someone else who hates that type of person it's part of our culture we vent off shame onto others without causing to recognize the consequences new york-based neurodivergent trauma therapist Sydney Rose suggests shame is systemic starts when an authority figure such as a parent or teacher shaves in your diversion child for misbehavior as part of prepping them for the real world shame is a quick way to mitigate behaviors that workplaces from on of course parents and teachers it's never their intention they don't mean to cause harm to the child they just don't know that shaming is not the healthy way to change Behavior they don't know other methods maybe to change Behavior verbally shaping a child is normalized it's not seen as something that causes any damage foreign was in my elementary school it's a very subtle example of a way to infliction because it's like you're the bad kid and everyone else did their homework you didn't do your homework everyone else is better than you you're the worst it's that feeling of putting an ADHD child in the bucket of moral inferiority when everyone who's neurotypical is in moral superiority over the ADHD child that's what causes the shame that's a contribution so it doesn't have to be anything big it can be these small things but speaking of big punishments think about how a century ago it was socially acceptable to spank a misbehaving trial mirror face neurodivergence trauma therapists Cindy Rose suggests it's taboot use physical violence to alter Behavior but it's much more normalized to use shape telling a child you should be ashamed of yourself might motivate them to conform to Social and educational demands but it's still an abusive type of statement and we have yet to recognize that as a culture shaming any child for an executive function related structure is like giving an emotional spank in a similarly drastic psychological effects for neurodiversion children there are socially stigmatized behaviors are rooted in executive dysfunction which is a natural part of their neurology shaming the executive dysfunction does not cure it it'll only make the child try to hide it out of fear the child might feel chronically guilty or self-monitoring themselves all the time someone who is in fear for a long period of time was bound to feel unloved so quick recap contributing factors to shape we have rejection from peers at the school-age levels and we've got criticism from authority figures so usually these things kind of happen in the same setting right but it can also carry out Beyond then you've got your own virginity Shane is a really dominating emotion it looms over the child as they grow into an adult and they can move over them as they're an adult but anyone who knows that what shame feels like anyone who's fought shame before they know that it's its own separate sickness but in order to find a cure we have to look at the clocks it's apparent the cause of neurodiversity is negative inputs from many people over a long period of time it's systemic so what can we do to start changing this culture of living and shaming neurodivergent disabled people for their struggles [Music] I one is the question why do we view those behaviors those executive dysfunctions as morally reprehensive what do I mean by that well perhaps you once thought a person who's exhibiting signs of executive dysfunction was just a lazy person an over-dramatic person a selfish person we need to take those words out of our vocabulary anyone with an invisible disability is struggling with its executive dysfunction characteristics it's not their fault we shouldn't blame them for it it's normal that we do but we should stop normalizing blaming them for it next time someone is repeatedly family Network whether it be stumbling two minutes late into work another immediately labeled the back of our minds they might be dealing with an invisible disability something that we can't see and we don't recognize or their neurology is just so that they struggle with something like time wise so let me close off by reminding you a significant proportion of horses or schools are going to have narrow Divergent behaviors one in ten people have ADHD one in 36 people are on the autism spectrum and one in four people in America deal with a mental health disorder that's enough people who deal with a disorder that affects behavior for us to throw out this narrative that they're just being difficult people that they need to shape up and come to Virtual people who are everywhere we are hiding out of Shame and we deserve to be included it shouldn't be a part of our culture to put others down for their functioning capacity everybody has a value regardless of their ability to contribute to social educational or workplace demands it is my belief that we should demonstrate more acceptance and that compassion is the antidote to neurodiversity thank you [Applause]