The Strength to Bend, Not Break | Vriti Gujral | TEDxDWPS Noida Extension Youth
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY3mSDXm2lc Video ID: jY3mSDXm2lc ============================================================ Raise your hands if you've ever failed at something that mattered to you. Now, let's begin with a simple truth. Each and every one of us here has failed at something or the other at some point in our lives whether we like to admit it or not. And ever since we're told to, you know, practice uh being the best at everything and ever since we grow up really we're taught don't fail. Failure is not acceptable. Like it's something to avoid. But let's discuss failure very briefly. Failure is not rare. Failure is not dramatic. Failure is not even interesting. Then why is it that failure is made something which should be avoided? Because according to me the secret is that failure isn't the opposite of success. It's an initiation to success. And resilience, where does resilience come in all of this? Resilience is simply not fearing the fall because you know how to land. So now I could get in the nitty-gritty of it and just sort of uh tell you the Google definitions, but that's boring for you. I know that. And this talk is not about theory. This talk is about power. So let me tell you from my experience how I learned resilience, the real kind, and how you can also practice it too if you want. My parents have often told me that in the midst of a storm, only the tree that bends survives. The rigid ones often fall. For me, that is the image of resilience. Not to be the tallest, the proudest tree, but to simply be the wisest one, the one that knows when to bend. Life has a way of testing all of us. But the enchanting paradox of life is that the only thing constant is well, change. So you must be wondering where does resilience really fit into this narrative, this conversation. Well, according to me, right in the middle. Speaking from personal experience, I never quite understood what resilience looked like when I was little. When I was in school, everyone around me had plans, doctor, engineer, etc., etc. And then I looked at myself. I mean, look at me. I looked at myself and I saw a kid with dreams that didn't fit into the syllabus. A kid with dreams that demanded vision, not validation. Dreams that demanded sacrifice long before I was ever rewarded for them. And you know, when everyone around you has what society calls a solid plan, being an artist starts to feel like being a question mark in a world full of full stops. And even if you succeed, here is something no one glamorous tells you about success. Success is slow. Success is exhausting. Success is lonely. And the loneliness showed up for me at a young age. I wasn't misunderstood and I loved my childhood, but I was simply different. And when you're different, you tend to relate a little less to people your age. And a lot of my time went into dancing, performing, competitions, just trying to find myself in my art and try to trying to establish myself. So I just pushed through it and I thought that you know what college would be different in college. I would find my people and then I went to college and guess what? I was disappointed because college was a new place full with new faces yet the same old feeling of not belonging. And you know that makes you think that makes you think a lot. And a person like me when a person like me who has strived so hard to be exceptional her whole life burnout didn't wait for 30s or 40s. It came to me right now at 19. I was exhausted and completely drained. I hit a creative wall so high I couldn't move. I couldn't dance. Dancing something which I love with all my heart. I wasn't able to do it because all I could think was this immense pressure of being of being that person that everyone thought I was of being that Riti, the prodigy, the girl who had it all figured out. But I didn't. I had never had anything figured out. And that was scary for me. But here's the thing. Here's what I need you to listen. Really listen. Resilience is not built in applause. Resilience is built in the silence. It's built in those nights where you sit with the version of yourself that you do not want to admit exists. It's built when your world cracks open just at the point it was pretending to be whole. It builds when the people who were meant to leave leave. Luckily for me though, the only people who didn't say that I needed to bounce back as quickly as possible were my parents and a few of my loved ones. They didn't push or pressurize me or perform motivational monologues all the time. They just simply sat with me in that moment, recognized that I was going through something and they told me that Priti, resilience isn't about speed. It's about direction. It's about taking one step at a time. So just do that and we're proud of you. They told me that they loved me for who I am, not for my achievements or for what I have done. And you know what? I didn't even realize but that is exactly what I needed which again taught me a very important lesson. It taught me more empathy. I saw the people around me and it was as if I had become sensitive to the fact that each and every one of us even each and every one of us here are going through something which is painful for us. And pain is not a competition. Pain is an experience. An experience that needs to be felt and needs to be understood. So when I sat with all this information and I processed it, I worked upon it. I finally stopped performing perfection and started practicing honesty. And you know I realized something essential that I h that I hadn't become a new me. I had just stopped pretending to be someone else. And that made me really think about this whole process of transformation and how sometimes you know once we transform ourselves we think that oh my god I am a completely different person than what I used to be 2 years ago. I sat with that thought because at one point in time I didn't really feel comfortable being a completely different person. like you know I look at the pictures and it's me and I realized something very crucial. I hadn't become a different person. I had just become a person who thinks differently. And that again made me realize something about resilience. Resilience isn't about returning back to your old shape. Resilience is about reshaping. Resilience was never about returning, nor was it about completely erasing every bit of yourself. It was simply about reinventing. And the thing about reinvention is it requires ruthless clarity. Which brings me to one of the most important points. The people you surround yourself with. Some people fuel you, some people drain you, and the ones who drain you often do it with a smile on their face. So the next time someone is trying to dim your light just so they can shine brighter, cut them off because you are not here to shrink. And protecting your peace is not rude. It is simply intelligent. And resilience is not just about emotional strength. It's about strategy. Strategy which helps you structure your life in a way that it benefits you and it takes you to your goals. Now I want you all to sit with this information that I have given you. Just absorb it for a moment and close your eyes if you can. Now, if you've closed your eyes, you can do this right now or later, whenever you feel the best, whenever you feel calmer. Just imagine something you love doing, not because you're good at it, but because it simply takes you away from this world, makes you feel better. That is where your resilience lives. Now that we have spoken so much about finding the heart of our resilience, let's talk about building it. I want to give you four Rs which will help you be more resilient. And the best thing about them is they can be applied to any and every situation. So the first R is rest, strategic silence. Your body and your mind do not need tough love all the time. Sometimes you need to sit back. You need some comfort. And you need to stop torturing yourself. So I urge you all to pause and just think. And if you if your body, if your mind needs rest, give it that because you need to realize that your energy is way too valuable to be wasted this recklessly. Our number two, routine. Small steps will beat one big effort every single time. During a burnout, when your motivation fails you, when your passion fails you, that is where routine and discipline will step in. If you can't study for 2 to three hours or like in my case dance, just start with 20 minutes every day, 30 minutes every day. If you can't run for 1 kilometer, just walk 10 minutes. The only re the only rule is to just show up every single day because tiny habits rebuild identity. Now let's come to the third R reflection. Asking yourself the right questions. All of us tend to overthink a lot which causes us to underrelect. But today I want you all to sit and ask yourself some questions. What is draining me? What role am I playing in everything that is happening around me? Is my environment lifting me up or is it or is it bringing me down? These questions will give you the clarity that you need to step into your transformative self and reinvent. Which brings me to our fourth and last point, reinvention, becoming someone new. As I told you, resilience isn't about going back to your old version. It's about changing, becoming better, and a new and healthier version of yourself. Return to yourself as someone the past you wouldn't recognize. but would deeply respect. And lastly, before I leave, I want to leave you with an image. A while back, I wrote a poem. Find me in the gap between the two trains. That was the last line of the poem. At that point in time, I didn't really understand the gravity of what it meant. But today, I do. Sometimes in life, we are stuck at a point where we are neither our past selves nor our future selves. Just somewhere in between. And that gap is loud. It is unstable. And it is absolutely terrifying. And it makes you go back back to your old habits, old versions of yourself, old people. Don't. Resilience is staying in this gap long enough to recognize that there is beauty in the becoming. That the ultimate power does not lie with your past or your future self, but with who you are right now. imperfect, vulnerable and absolutely real. That is resilience. And do you remember the story of the tree I told you before? The tree that bends in the storm. You are that tree and you are allowed to bend. You are allowed to sway, but you are not to break. So the next time life breaks you down academically, socially, emotionally, do not panic. It is not an end. It is an opening. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I am not fragile and I am not finished. I am becoming and so are you." Thank you.