Transcript

"Why you should be a ""straight F"" student | Hayden Lee | TEDxYouth@ElectricAvenue"

[Music] [Applause] I was a straight F student. I can remember vividly staring at my 11th grade transcript. F F. I thought to myself, how can I let this happen? What's wrong with me? Why didn't I try harder? I'll never get into college. I'll never get a job. I'm such a failure. Oh, wait. Did I say F? I'm an Asian F. I got a lot of A [Applause] minuses, but they might as well been real Fs because I really was that hard on myself. If I didn't get the perfect score, if I didn't live up to my high internal standards of perfection, I felt like a failure. You know, there were times in school I was so stressed out about school grades, SAT scores, ACT test, AP tests, clubs, extracurriculars, and making sure I showed leadership and initiative in all these areas. Now, I was on the verge of nervous breakdown many times. But I wish I knew then, but I know now that one of the most important things that successful young adults need, it's not taught in schools. I call it the PPF degree. So, you're thinking, "What is a GPF degree?" Well, it's not really a degree at all, and it's something I made up, and it's something all of you can start working on today in high school or even a middle school. It stands for purpose, passion, and fulfillment. PPF is a mindset and perspective that I I encourage all young adults to be aware of in order to experience the most satisfaction, enrichment, and fulfillment in your lives. So, how does one get a PPF degree? Well, it helps to start with thinking about what really motivates you. There's one motivation style called conditional motivation. Conditional motivation is being motivated to do something for an external reward or benefit, right? There's an if then clause. It's based on a condition. If I study, then I'll get an A. If I get an A, then I'll get to college. If I get to college, then I'll get a good job. In high school, I was all about conditional motivation. I didn't really process what I was learning or why I was learning it. As long as I got that A, I was okay. You know, I definitely focused more on got to be that perfect student, got to get the perfect score than whether or not I was actually enjoying the process or being fulfilled about the process. I think my senior year in high school, I was probably in 15 different clubs. Yeah. Just to list them on my college application. Yeah, I didn't really have a genuine interest or really care about the majority of these clubs, you know, just for the college app. I'd say 13 out of the 15 clubs. Yeah, just for the college app. Well, and cuz I want to be in the yearbook a lot. I love being a yearbook. But then there's intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is being motivated to do something because the action itself is the reward. Intrinsic means to come naturally. I want to do this because it's fun. I want to do this because I enjoy the challenge. I want to do this because it's fulfilling. Or I want to do this simply to prove to myself that I can. Looking back now, I realize there is a serious lack of intrinsic motivation in my high school life. You know, most of what I did, I admit, were was for the sake of an external rewarder benefit. There were things I did though that I liked. I liked being the editor-inchief of my yearbook because I loved leading a group of my peers and helping them grow and learn about journalism. And I got to put a lot of pictures of myself in the yearbook. And I liked doing theater. I liked doing speech and debate. I loved doing JSA. I loved public speaking. I loved making people laugh. I liked um inspiring other people. But at the time I didn't think these things are very important because these did not fit into my definition of being the perfect student which had nothing to do with enjoyment or fulfillment. Intrinsic motivation and purpose go hand in hand. Purpose the first P in your PPF you know purpose being defined as the reason for which you exist. Now that may seem intimidating or daunting or even kind of new age spiritual, right? Like the reason for which you exist, you know, but if you really think about it, it's actually profoundly simple. If you really take a moment to think about what it is you like to do, what are you naturally good at, and how these natural gifts of talent could possibly benefit other people? That shouldn't be too hard. But then we make it harder on ourselves, myself included, because because then we start thinking about how could I ever make money doing what I really love? How could I ever get a job doing what I truly enjoy? Or mom and dad would disown me if I majored in dance or worse yet, a liberal arts degree. My god, the horror. Could you imagine that? I recently read this interview by Steven Seabolde. He is the author of the book How Rich People Think. And the interview was called 21 ways rich people think differently. And the most striking element to me was that it said average people earn money doing things they don't love. Rich people follow their passions. The one of the smartest strategies of the rich is that they doing what they love and finding ways to get paid for it. Okay, remember that part. Finding ways to get paid for it. Passion. The second P in your PPF degree. So, everyone's talking about passion. You've all heard you got to follow your passions. You got to do what you love. It's probably become a little cliche by now, but it's still true more than ever. The word passion comes from the Latin word pacio, which means to suffer. Following your passions, it can be hard work. You make a lot of sacrifices. It's not easy. Finding a way to get paid for it. Remember that part? Yeah, that's hard. That takes sacrifices. That takes hard work. But imagine waking up every single day absolutely loving what you do. I think it's worth it. I went to a talk recently um with Sir Ken Robinson. And for those of you who don't know, Sir Ken Robinson speaks a lot about education, particularly about the importance of creativity in education. And at his oh and he happens to be one of the most watched TED talks online. And at his last talk, Sir Ken Robinson, he said, "To be born at all is a miracle." And that got me really thinking, right? Really struck a chord with me. Millions of factors could have intervened with me being born. That's true for all of us. You know, my mom and dad met at a party in Hong Kong. What if my mom didn't feel well, didn't go to the party? What if my dad spilled orange soda on himself a party and had to clean his shirt off and didn't get to meet my mom? Millions of factors could have intervened with me being born. So when I think about my life in this way, I'm like, "Wow, it's a gift that I'm here. It's a gift that any of us are here. So what are we going to do with this gift?" Sir Ken Robinson had also mentioned the notion of enjoying life versus enduring life. I know so many people who absolutely hate what they do, hate their jobs, only look forward to the weekend. You know, TGIF, it's Saturday and Sunday is the only day they can actually enjoy themselves. Or the other people I know that absolutely hate what they do and can't wait to turn 65 so they can retire. And I'm like, dude, you're 30. you're just going to endure life for the next 35 years instead of choosing to find something you actually enjoy to do. I mean me, I want to enjoy my life, not endure my life. But it's hard. Remember, following your passion is hard work. It takes suffering. Following your passion to also be frightening. For example, when I told my parents I wasn't going to be a doctor. Woo! Talk about suffering. No, I honestly wasn't that hard. But I knew my purpose involved helping and inspiring people. I knew that. And for the first 19 years of my life, I thought the only way to do that would be to become a doctor. So I entered UC San Diego as premed. I did all the premed classes there. But I absolutely hated it. But also at UC San Diego, it allowed me all these experiences and opportunities to do things I actually did love to do that still honored my purpose to help and inspire. I did theater, I did improv, I worked for the campus TV station, I was a mentor for incoming freshmen. I studied abroad for an entire year in Paris, France at the Sorban. And when I came back, I worked at the study abroad office to encourage other undergrads to study abroad. These were all things I was actually passionate about, cared about, wanting to do for myself. And I still rocked it when it came to my grades because I was no longer doing it just to get the A or just to be the perfect student. I was now doing it for myself because I realized the more effort I put into school. The more things I learned about everything, the more opportunities it will give me to help and inspire other people. So thinking about my purpose and my passion led me to what I do today. As an academic life coach, I help teenagers help them find their way to find fulfillment in school. I help them find their unique motivation style and I help them discover their passions. I was recently working with a student in the spring who had gotten into Kalpala Kimona, computer science major. He knew he wanted to learn more about computers. So talk to him, what other passions do you have? He's like, I have new passions. So I asked him, if you had two weeks completely free, no homework, no chores, no family obligations, what is one thing that you would just have to do? He thought about it. He said, playing the saxophone. I said, why? He said when he's able to take a sheet of paper, a piece of music, and was able to create something that he could feel and hear, he said that was amazing. He said when he's playing the saxophone and gets lost in the zone, he felt free. He said it was liberating. That's a passion. He said that five minute I'm sorry. He said playing the saxophone for an hour felt like 5 minutes. We all know what it feels like when we do something we love or when we're having fun and just get lost in the motive. Time flies when we do things that we love. This student said it was eyeopening for him to realize that he actually had a passion. He never thought he did. He wasn't thinking of incorporating the saxophone into his life after high school, but he has now decided to join the jazz band at Calpali. And also, he's thinking about developing a computer software program to specifically help saxophone players. How cool is that? So, as you're all sitting there thinking about your passion, start with this easy question. What do you love to do and why do you love doing it? So, when purpose and passion are in sync, then fulfillment naturally comes along with that. fulfillment being the F in your PPF degree. We feel our best when we do something we believe in, do it well, and do it for a cause greater than ourselves. That's what I call fulfillment. So, after UC San Diego, I moved here to Los Angeles because I wanted to learn more about and work in the entertainment industry. I worked in production, at the agency, in talent management, in casting. I'm also still an actor. It was also at this time though that I worked as an SAT tutor. So as an SAT tutor once again I was exposed to the team mentality. I've got to get the best grades, got to get the best test scores, got to get the best college. But now I was seeing it from a different perspective. I was now seeing it from the perspective that although conditional motivation is important, it is intrinsic motivation that is more longerlasting, more enduring and ultimately leads to more happiness and more fulfillment. Motivational expert uh Daniel H. Pink, he writes in his book, Oh, let me go back a little bit. So, I was saying Oh, yeah. So I realized that intrinsic motivation is what gives us more fulfillment of our happiness. So I realized this was my calling. This was my duty to help remind young adults of this fact. Okay. So that's my duty now. So that brings us to today. So I am a recovering perfectionist, premed dropout, actor, comedian, and academic life coach. And just like recovering addicts have to take it day by day, so do recovering perfectionists. I still have to remind myself very often, Aiden, take it easy on yourself. It's okay if it didn't go perfect. You know, the fact that I just did that mind flip 5 seconds ago. I got to let that go, right? Got to let that go. You know, so I still have to remind myself to work towards my PPF, appreciate the present even on my coaching. I was recently working with a student who he was having trouble finding a way to enjoy a particular class. So I told him, "You got to have fun with it. You got to find a way to make it fun, funny, entertaining. What's the class about?" He said, "The Holocaust." Oh wow. The old perfectionist Hayden would have been like, "Oh my god, you just told the kid to laugh at the Holocaust. You're a horrible person, a horrible coach. How could you do this?" But I allowed myself to have fun with it. I took it easy on myself. We actually laughed about it. had a great moment and it broke the ice and it created a stronger relationship between the coach and client. Motivational expert Daniel H. Pink writes in his book Drive how in 1962 Clare Booth Loose, she was the first one of the first women to serve on Congress. She was giving President John F. Kennedy some advice. She told him a great man is a sentence. Abraham Lincoln his sentence was he preserved the Union and freed the slaves. Franklin Roosevelt. His sentence was, "He lifted us out of a great depression and helped us win a world war." Well, you guys don't have to be president of the United States to learn from the story. The point is one way for every single one of you to start orienting your life towards a greater purpose is think about what would your sentence be. It can be simple. It can be, you know, she made kinkalicious s'mores that changed the lives of teenagers everywhere. Or he raised four kids that became happy, healthy adults, or, you know, he invented a device that made people's lives easier. Or for my saxophone playing students, perhaps it's he created a computer software device that changed the lives of musicians forever. You know, your sentence can change with you. It can grow with you. I know. I want my sentence to be something like he inspired a generation of young adults to leave fulfilling lives, doing what they love, doing it well, and doing it for a cause greater than themselves. So, as you're sitting there and you're contemplating your passion and your purpose, start with this question. What's your sentence? I was a straight F student. And now that I have my PPF degree, the F has taken on a whole new meaning. [Applause]