Transcript

A roadmap for life's unexpected events | Martina Mathisen | TEDxVernonAreaLibrary

I was in the shower rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I suddenly felt a massive sound throughout my whole body I felt a sound and didn't understand what was happening I couldn't tell if my eyes were closed or if it was a dark I couldn't tell if I was standing or not it seemed as if I felt everything and I felt nothing then my arm was yanked it was my husband he was pulling me out of something and he pushed me up a mattress that was like a wrap on top of debris and pushed me out the back of the house the back of my house doesn't have a door in complete confusion and look back at the house and I see flames and not flames out the window flames out the door I see a wall of massive flame it was so bright and hot I could feel it it was an explosion a natural gas explosion my house had blown up and I found out later that I blew into the next room and the bathtub blew on top of me that's what that was he was pulling me out from that was an unexpected event I stand before you today as an expert in unexpected events to further my credentials I'll report my desire to have a baby my husband and I were so happy to go to the hospital together for the ultrasound and it's a good thing we went together because he needed me to help pick him up off the floor when I found out that I was pregnant with quadruplets that was unexpected not bad but unexpected now in case you're not yet convinced I'll offer one more I was in the kitchen chopping onions and my husband of over 20 years came to me and said honey I need to go fishing and he left me in four kids to go fishing in the North Sea of Norway and didn't come back ever life has unexpected events they say an unexpected event is like having a rug pulled out from under you but doesn't that conjure up a cartoon if someone's legs flying up and then they land with Tweety birds and stars circling their head that is not what it's like it's confusion it's disorder of your world as chaos feels what you thought was solid and with shape is just liquid and spilling all over the place it's not the rug pulled out from under you it's the universe spinning in a new direction I call them earthquake events because they shake you to your core and I knew that one day my kids would have an earthquake event of their own hopefully not a house that blows up or a high-risk pregnancy or a spouse with overnight wanderlust but something and so I went on an epic search looking for a formula a method a way to deal with these things that happen in life and I found it and I want to share it with you because you may have something unexpected happen in your world I introduced the OODA loop Oh Oh da it was created by a brilliant military strategist named John Boyd he was a fighter pilot in the Korean War turned instructor and he noticed that slower less limber planes were outperforming faster more agile aircraft and he figured out as this is decision making training not the technology that gave the advantage so he took this decision process and deconstructed it analyzed it recreated it and calls it the OODA loop Oh Oh da the military still uses this in training today now the corporate world in the business world they're always looking for ways to outperform their competition they get their hands on the loop they tweak the same ideas and they use it how 2003 Oreo cookie observes if they're wildly expensive Super Bowl commercial couldn't air because of the power outage they orient with a range of responses they could do nothing that could complain they could reschedule they could address it in social media their decision makers were in place and connected to act the last step they acted by tweeting you can dunk in the dark Oreo cookie huge social media success and changed a facet of advertising forever so the military uses this for success the business world uses this for success and we can use it in our earthquake moment how the first step is observe we have a tendency to respond emotionally when an earthquake event happens in our life and the OODA loop says step back and observe there's a new landscape it is new and changing look so for illustration let's create a scene we're in a forest and it's burning our first step observe where's the family how much time do we have what are the escape routes observe a new landscape with fresh data the next step is orient orientation here is the interpretation of what's been observed it's the most important step and the most overlooked you see we all have mental machinery that's in place that's been built by a lifetime of experience and we use this to shape how we interact with our environment the next step is to decide when we Orient let's go back to our scene we're in the forest and it's burning we're going to climb to the top of a lookout tower all the way to the top where we see four windows each pointing in a different direction we look out the first window to the north we see the fires approaching we look out to the east the landscape is engulfed with flames to the south is a rocky terrain to the west is water orientation is like looking out of the windows when we respond emotionally and we see only one window we see one set of options but now we observe that there's more windows and more options and now we can decide we have a tendency also to look inward to what's worked in the past and what do we do when what we try to make work doesn't work sometimes we just keep trying to make it work same strategy more gusto when your only tool is a Hammer Every Problem looks like a nail but now we've observed a new landscape we've oriented to different opportunities and potentials and now we can decide for me I'm going to climb out of this lookout tower and I'm gonna swim west to the breakwater that I can see and the next step is act which seems obvious doesn't it act have you heard the story about the three frogs that are sitting in a log the guy in the middle thinks he'd like to jump into the water to cool off so the question is how many frogs are less sitting in the log how many three because the middle guy only thought about it we have to take the action I've got to get to the water and start swimming that's my decision when I hit a sandbar I start the loop again with fresh new data and that's how the OODA loop works but we're not in a forest and it's not burning so let's try this on in real life I hear the words honey I need to go fishing now if I didn't have kids but I still being a pile of sorrow and tears I don't know because I do have kids and I knew that they were watching me if not in the moment they'd be watching from retrospect in their future this is how we handle crisis mom is showing me now and I knew I had to start with observe the observe the landscape is new and it's different and I have to open my eyes and look what do I have what do I need how do I feel how do I show these kids that home is stable now I'm not saying I didn't feel because I did I used Kleenex for bed sheets and blankets but I knew I needed to blow my nose back up and look at a new and changing landscape with a clear vision a landscape that was wide and deep the next step in the loop is act I knew that I needed to take the human foot steps needed to stay in my house feed my kids and set myself up for the next chapter of life not as a woman abandoned but as a survivor no matter how small the steps and it is easy is it easy to put one step in front of the other in a crisis it's not smaller steps are easier you see the loop our actions create the results and the results is the new landscape no matter how small changed to observe orient decide and act it's a loop it keeps going it's dynamic ok you say I get it might be easy to say hard to do that might be true but the point is we have a range of options that are available to us when we start with observe we don't have to use the first initial emotional reaction would have to be limited by emotions for good results psychological clinicians are trained to take a person by the chin and lift them up when they're breaking down and in the fetal position the fetal position indicates a total emotional overwhelm and inability to move from feeling to thinking so why do they lift the chin to the sky to help a person move out of feeling and into thinking in order to observe to orient to decide and act now will this pause for you and your earthquake be a moment a week a day it doesn't matter the power is in the pause this loop that we have we use every day whether we know it or not from what to eat in the morning to what retirement investments to choose it's the press pause to start at observe now for me when the house blew up I was trained literally to see that I was alive not dead not burned not maimed that took a moment when I was pregnant with quadruplets I oriented with a strategic plan in place that took months and when he left for the North Sea I decided to live without hate I chose the orientation I looked out the window that showed me that I could be a survivor I knew that hate would eat up my energy use my time and weigh me down I chose the orientation that would give me a future I had to get to that future so the next step is decide for me I went old school I got a three-ring binder and I wrote I wrote names of contacts food banks charities organizations that were designed to help I had to build an immediate survival plan and a long-term survival plan I wrote and I scratched out and I wrote some but I had an orientation and I had a vision and that took years to go from survive to thrive what had happened now last year my son my college-age son it was an accident he was restoring a car in the garage and the gas tank exploded I know as a heck of a family tradition but because of the smoke in the house we all had to live in a hotel for a few months but my kids night we know this a loop we use this a loop we get fitted a loop we're not victims were survivors what we had was another life story and we knew it right away we each have a loop a decision loop let yours serve you thank you [Applause]