How I Found Happiness by Being the Real Me | Jamie Spanier | TEDxSaintAndrewsSchool
[Music] have you ever agreed with a friend that their favorite song was also your favorite song have you ever checked in with a friend to see what closes are wearing for the day just to make sure that you fit in have you ever said that you were going to work out even when you didn't really want to just because you felt pressured well I'm gonna say that most of you have said these things to appears before with the intent of trying to fit in well actually desiring to do the downright opposite you I'd you do this because there's that constant reading feeling of needing to belong you don't need to fit into society you don't need to be popular you need to be yourself you're happier when you're the real you rather than the you that you think society wants you to be if you constantly try and focus on what others think of you on how others perceive you you can easily become stressed anxious or even depressed I know this because this is what happened to me this was me in fifth grade long hair buck teeth everything I loved my hair my imperfections my weirdness I loved who I was just two years later though starting in seventh grade I grew to only care about what people thought of me as you can see I'm looking just a little bit different I got a buzz cut because I noticed that all the guys my age had that kind of hair all I wanted was to be like them and to be liked by them I even got different clothes than what I normally wear in order to fit in more every thought of mine was always revolving around others judging me you know is my hair weird or my clothes ugly is my music taste bad if I mess up or people gonna laugh at me even this problem that's completely out of my control you know this isn't something that I've told many people but I have a problem pronouncing certain sounds sounds such as the SH sound the CH sound the G sound and even the J sound which is annoying considering my name is Jamie I always thought that this was one of my worst qualities and that people would make fun of me for it which is why I didn't talk about throughout those years these thoughts constantly went through my head and I could never be happy due to the fact that I thought I couldn't please others as you can see I didn't smile in pictures anymore I became so unhappy and so unhappy with everything because I thought I was never good enough for anyone later I actually found out that in seventh grade I was known as the quiet sad kid ever since about a year and a half ago though I began to change who I was thanks to my brother John and that's him right there my brother had a similar phase in his life where he was also self-conscious about certain aspects of himself as well I remember him telling me though that it was slowly killing him looking for happiness and for approval from others because he was never able to satisfy himself he said to me your baseline for reality starts with you you make the rules you'll never live up to someone's standards of perfection because you're you and they're them just live to impress yourself and you'll be happy I admired what he said and how he was able to change his entire life perspective and he was and still is my idols so I wanted to be able to do what he did because I saw how much happier he became so I decided to follow his path and stop focusing on what others thought of me but I wasn't able to just instantly stop being self-conscious you know I was nervous I was afraid to do such a thing because I too thought it was an impossible task but I remember I was trying for a few weeks to step outside my comfort zone but I just I couldn't do it however one day when I was in the car with my friends they asked if I wanted to play my music now normally when they asked me they said just say no I don't play my music play yours you won't like mine but this time I hesitantly said um sure now my thought process into this was that I always have to listen to their music over and over again so why not listen to something that I want to when I'm given the opportunity so we played my favorite song at the time stricken by disturbed and for those of you who are unfamiliar with my music taste just listen to the name Bend disturbed that's the type of music I listen to so 30 seconds into the song though my friends including the driver collectively jumped to the aux cord ignoring all safety of all the passengers unplugged my phone and said okay no more of your music it sucks now normally this would be really like I would have been really upset about this but this time I thought to myself that was a huge step forward for me the me from two months ago would have never done such a thing I took that risk even if it seems like a small one and after this what I realized was my friends didn't think any differently of me and that right there was the moment that changed my life as simple and dumb as it may sound I realized that my happiness shouldn't come from what others think of me and as I continued to recognize this I became more confident in who I was and over time I began to be more and more myself in front of more people for the first time when someone asked what music I liked I told them my favorite genre my favorite band my favorite songs drummer guitarist everything when someone asked what my hair looks weird I'd say to them I like it this way rather than a oh the wind messed up my hair which is what the old me would have said I became so confident in myself and so happy with who I really was and I know that there were millions and millions of teenagers that still have this problem of insecurity they may not have been self-conscious about what I was self-conscious about but most had insecurities a recent study reported by statistic brain shows that 53% of teenagers are insecure about their weight but more astonishing 90% of teenage girls said that they wanted to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance in one way or another for body image alone almost every teenage girl that was surveyed said they wanted to change their appearance and there are thousands of other things that people can be and are insecure about which goes to show how many people Hughley have gone through and are still going through this problem of insecurity whether they showed it or not to all the teenagers out there in the audience to everyone listening it's so to be yourself and to stray away from the idea that it matters what others think of you it may seem hard it might even seem impossible but you have to take that risk jump off the highest diving board ride the double diamond get up and do a TED talk be a risk taker I've had that feeling that one mistake you make will spread around your school to community I know that the people were afraid to be ourselves in front of our the people that we see at school every day that what they think is most important because they're always there well so what if we make a mistake you make spreads around your community so what if you if your peers are always there is that so bad it's important to understand that everyone makes mistakes everyone is always there so why not embrace it why not laugh at yourself when you make a mistake why make it matter what others think of you you'll create a happier you in embracing who you are showing your community the country the world who you are for once when someone asks why you listen to that type of music say because I like it when someone asks why you wear these clothes say because I like it any physical aspects of yourselves that you love any characteristics of yourselves that you love don't change just to please others and for those of you that have tried to not focus on what others think of you and feel that it doesn't work keep trying don't accept defeat here keep being you you'll find people that truly care about you real friends real people that you consider family actual happiness it may not happen immediately but it will happen and if someone doesn't like who the real you is and would prefer a version of you that suits them then they're not the type of friends you fake try to surround yourself with try to surround yourselves with the people that want to surround themselves with you you need to slowly start taking the risks that you once never would have taken you have to push yourself to be yourself and you have to want to do so happiness doesn't come from others opinions on who you are happiness is being able to go to the beach without being scared to take off your shirt happiness is being able to wear your favorite clothes happiness is being able to make a mistake and then laugh it off happiness is being able to show your passion to everyone around you without any fear of their judgement [Music] [Music] [Music] that's funny that's my music it's different it's loud it's heavy some might even say that is downright awful but it makes me happy because music and guitar with a few things that I stuck with throughout my years of insecurity they were my escape something that I could listen to or play in my room alone without anyone else's judgment that's what guitar was for me though before but here I am today not hiding in my room I'm doing what I love I'm playing in front of you all expressing Who I am by doing what I love and doing what makes me happy do what makes you happy no matter how different it may be than what makes others happy because happiness is doing what you love it's loving who you are and knowing that you are the best version of you thank you [Applause]