When giving up is not an option! Suela Lala at TEDxTiranaWomen
Good evening. Uh I'm here to give you a perspective not only on women but also adding a disability to women and you can imagine that the challenges are doubled are magnified. So, I was born and grew up in a small town in northeast Albania. As a teenage girl, I remember as I struggled to refuse to do what was expected from young girls in a traditional society like ours. I refused to do any household assignment or learn to cook and anything else of this kind that my mom was pushing hard for. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't have anything against vacuum cleaners, mops, and the sort, and I love a clean house. I did, however, have a big problem with the others having to define and establish the roles I had to engage in as a grown-up woman later in life. I wanted to define life myself, and I wanted to have a life different from that of the women surrounding me. I wanted to be independent, well educated. I wanted to travel the world. As life has it sometimes, in its ironic ways, I did become different. In 1997, during the crisis Albania was going through, I was accidentally shot by random ballot and my life took a completely different turn. I incured neck level spinal cord injury that resulted functionally in quadriplegia at 14 years old with dreams to learn about the world and conquer it. I found myself at a complete loss. Let's just say that my struggles with feminism and cleaning the house seemed far less significant. I had to deal with what is often described as one of the most life-changing events one can face. At the time, there was a poor health system unable to support me in managing my condition and regain and regain my life. Even worse, health professionals believe I wouldn't survive the injury. I know it sounds kind of irrational today to mention this considering that infections are the main cause of death for those injured and antibiotics being invented long before my injury. I remember one particular event which is very painful for me and I don't often share. I was injured in June after school was finished and throughout the summer while going from one hospital to another and unable to understand the real consequences of what had happened. I was trying to calculate and asked everybody around me like family members, friends, doctors to tell me whether I would be healthy enough to go to school for when September comes. and September came and I didn't make it to go to school that that fall. Losing the opportunity to grow through education was more overwhelming than losing control of my limbs. I had been excellent at school and found learning fascinating and my 14 years of life had told me that through education you could shape your own future and make your dreams come true. And that fall it seemed as if there was no hope for any of my dreams. and no future laying ahead of me. Um what followed after the injury and with a consequent disability is that people including dear people lowered their expectations as to what I could achieve and accomplish in life. In fact, the general perception was that I wouldn't be able to do much and I just had to watch time go by. I struggled for quite a few years to find direction and I felt as if I was going down a path nobody had walked before. At the time there was no internet available at the fingertips but I should say in my case at the voice command considering I use a voice computer program voice dictation program sorry to to use the computer. So there was no internet to provide role models with my kind of kind of injury and reassured me that it was possible to have a meaningful and dignified life. Today in the era of internet and flow of information, it is very hard for us to estimate the impact that information and technology have in our lives. I remember in in my and my family's desperate search for knowledge, we had heard of Christopher Ree. Christopher Ree, the actor famous for his portrayal of Superman and the first advocator for quadriplegic people. My father went to TVA, a non-existing TV channel now, to pick up some video because somebody had shown him that they had shown a movie about Christopher. We were eager to learn about people that had made it to succeed or at least to manage better their daily living despite the disability. Later on, I was introduced to the biography of an of an American woman with my exact injury that shared her difficult but meaningful journey post injury. I was lucky to be able to read in English and I felt as if I found some treasure. Unfortunately, no Albanian role models were known back then. So, I could mirror my insecurities and fear and and project my hopes for the future. Today, when invited to be a speaker for TEDex Tyrana Women, the suggestion was by to talk about the most innovative, thought-provoking project I've been part of, and I've been part of many projects. But I thought it over and concluded that my most creative and successful project is actually rebuilding my own life after a spinal cord injury and living my days with a disability in a country that is not accessible, inclusive, or friendly with people with disabilities. The long and difficult journey me and my family made to take control of my life despite my physical limitations has been my greatest achievement. Everything else followed. In the words of Franklin Roosevelt, "Men are not prisoners of fate but prisoners of their own mind." I realized that as long as I could that the only thing that could limit me or imprisoning me to a life of limited abilities and options was my own mind. And for as long as I could control that, then I could still fulfill dreams. I fulfilled even my immature feminist goals of my teenage years. And if I may say so myself, I even surpassed hardcore feminists to the devotion to the ghost. I can proudly say now that for more than 16 years, I haven't touched a single cooking pan, vacuum cleaner, and anything of the sort. My own sister thinks I'm so fortunate I don't have to wash or fix my own hair. Against all odds, I managed to get a proper education with very good results and I continue to be in the education process because I believe that learning should be lifelong as Einstein points out. Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. I have developed expertise in disability issues and have worked as a trainer consultant for many disability organizations and other international development organizations in the country. I've been part of many roundts discussing disability issues and policies. I've engaged myself also publicly and with some pride I can say that I've had the opportunity to give a speech at the United Nations headquarters on behalf of civil society this year with a few friends of mine in an attempt to help other disabled people get out of their homes and at the very least claim a social house social life. Uh we are we have won the first social business competition in Albania. Next month we will start our small cafe named Aona that will give integration and employment opportunities to persons with disabilities. [Applause] By the way I speak and my exposure so far, it may seem that talking about my disability comes easy to me. It really does not. When when I was first invited by the media some years ago to make public positive models of persons with disabilities, I was very hesitant and initially refused except for my fear of not being able to share something substantial. I was also not happy with the media ethical approach to persons with disabilities which usually portrays them either as superheroes or as persons in need of mercy. But a friend and a mentor kept pushing me that it's important to share my experience, knowledge, and achievement. He would say that no personal achievement or success is worthwhile if we don't share it with others and don't put it in their service. My early days of loneliness and lack of role models as I grew up hit me and made it a duty for me to to make visible unknown realities and lifestyles. I've shared even some very personal details sometimes that I wouldn't do if it wasn't for the belief that it would help open minds in the way to see people with disabilities and the ways they can live fulfilled life. But of course, nobody in this world is fulfilled alone. I wouldn't have made it without those few but precious people that helped me see the light and open doors for me when nobody else could. I wouldn't have made it without my parents and their lessons of unconditional love and support. And I'm so proud of their growth and understanding and switch to liberal thinking. One day they were telling me that they are progay marriage and I said what? And also I wouldn't have made it without my friends that enrich my days and encourage me and empower me and make my life a better one. Getting back to the beginning of my speech and the reason I spoke about myself is that I feel there is that my biggest accomplishment is not giving up. Not giving up does matter, particularly in a context where we are often forced to downgrade our potential, downplay our abilities, and force down beliefs we don't hold as our owns. In the words of a remarkable woman, Madlin Albbright, she says that I was taught to try to strive not because there are any guarantees of success but because the act of striving is in itself the only way to keep faith with life. Thank you.