Vamos nos amar virtualmente | Jout Jout Prazer | TEDxParquedasNaçõesWomen
[Applause] Hi, my name is Júlia, better known online as J, and I'm 24 years old, which makes me a great member of the wonderful Generation Y , which I don't know if you're familiar with, but these are the young people who are desperate because we can't settle and we have to make a difference in the world, and we can't work in an office because we don't want to be stuck in an office; we want to start our own business. And if we're going to work in an office, that office has to have a slide, and we have to be able to work in our pajamas , because those are our demands. So, last year, I finally graduated in journalism, and that's when the desperate search for a job that would truly fulfill me began . But it was difficult to find a job like that, especially since I absolutely didn't want to find a job in my field. And then, in the midst of this search, I started making some videos because I saw some channels abroad and I really liked those channels, and I thought I could do something similar here, that I knew how to do it. The funny thing about Generation Y is that we want to do things and we think we're brilliant, but we don't want to show them to others because imagine if someone sees what we think is brilliant and doesn't think it's brilliant, how are we going to deal with that rejection? There is no way to. I didn't know how, but I made the videos anyway because I wanted to overcome this. Then my friends started watching the videos, and then my family started watching the videos, and then suddenly a guy named Marcelo subscribed to my channel. I didn't know Marcelo, but he subscribed to my channel anyway. And then other people, like Marcelo, whom I didn't know, started subscribing to my channel as well. And then, in 9 months, I had 10,000 people on my channel, and I didn't know most of them. And then came February 26th. On February 26th, I posted a video on my channel that I made after talking for hours with a girl I didn't know, just like Marcel, and she was telling me terrible stories about what her ex-boyfriend did to her. And I would listen to those stories and say "uh-huh" because I understood all of them, because I had lived through those stories too. Then she tells me about a day when she was on a boat with this guy, and he took a napkin, handed it to her, and said, "Take that red lipstick off your mouth, you look like a [ __ ]." So, right? I had to make a video about this because you can't hear a story like this and not make a video about it. You have to make a video about this. So I went to a super exclusive women-only group on Facebook. And then I said, "Women, have you ever been in abusive relationships? Because I need to make a video about it. So I need you to tell me your stories." And then began a torrent of stories, some of the most outrageous imaginable. And as I read those stories, I would start to cry. And then I'd look at one of those people's profiles on Facebook, because, you know, you have to do some digging. And then I would look at the photos and see those people were happy, achieving things, living their lives. And I would look at those photos and I would look at those stories and I would say: "It's impossible that these are the people who lived these stories." And then I became very inspired and I was very impressed by these women. So I took all those stories and started listing recurring themes in them. And that's how the video, "Don't take off the red lipstick," was born. Before this video, whenever I uploaded anything to my channel, it would get, at the end of the day, a maximum of 5,000 views. So, on the day I posted that video about abusive relationships, it got over 40,000 views on the first day. In other words, a success, right? I was super happy because my video had been a success, shared in all the Facebook groups, on everyone's timeline , it was all anyone was seeing. And then I stopped for another 2 seconds to think about it and I said: "No, it's not good that it was successful, because that means there are a lot of people out there suffering from abusive relationships." And then I became very sad after that. And then I started receiving messages, emails, and Facebook messages from people talking about Jud, and I just realized I'm in an abusive relationship. How do I get out? Jud. I've been in an abusive relationship for 5 years. I've known this for 5 years. I've been trying to leave for 5 years, I can't, please help me. And some people even said, "Judil, I'm in an abusive relationship, but I'm the one abusing my boyfriend. I won't let him leave the house under any circumstances. I don't want that because I love him very much. I need to stop abusing him. Will you help me? For God's sake, will you forgive me?" Until one day I was on the subway and a young woman came up to me and started thanking me, crying, because I had helped a close friend of hers file for divorce, you know ? So, if you look at my channel, it 's actually a big mess, super sloppy. I don't have any major productions. My equipment consists of a bed and a tripod. Every now and then my boyfriend holds up a white towel we have at home to use as a light reflector. But other than that, nothing special. And even so, even though it was nothing out of the ordinary, a young woman stopped me on the subway. And then you realize that you don't actually need big productions to speak to people; you need to touch them deeply to the point where they want to make some kind of change in their lives. [Music] And then I forgot quickly. Generally, in life, isn't that what? Subway. Large-scale productions. Large-scale productions. Subway. She stopped. It brought about significant changes in the lives of others. Caio, dude, help me out, man. What does the channel say next? Ah, that's it. Thanks. And even though the channel is from there, people arrived because of abusive relationships, and then they started seeing things on the channel that I had already been talking about for a long time, which, in addition to that, there are some things that, you know, we don't just talk about important things. There's a 4-minute video there exclusively about my foot , but there are also videos about female masturbation, about self-esteem, about vaginal penetration, and other more significant things like that. And then the people who arrived there because they were living in abusive relationships started to see, they started to see that these things already existed there. And then, along with those emails I was receiving about being in a relationship at the seams and how to get out, I started receiving emails saying I had some issues with my body, a load of nonsense that I realized now after watching your video, and I saw that there's absolutely no problem with that, good point. Or else, Judes, I've had panic disorder for years and now your videos are part of my treatment. I'm able to leave the house and everything. Or maybe my boyfriend told me I can't break up with him, because if I do, I'll be alone forever, because he's the only one in the world who will love me , so I'm forbidden from doing so. But then I realized now that it's a huge burden of blame, and it's not necessary. So I'm going to break up with him and I'm totally fine with that decision, okay? Thank you very much. There was even a group that formed, people who met on my channel, and they created a WhatsApp group with people from all over Brazil, and they're planning a trip to Paraty for a girl from Acre in that group. They're going to Parati, they didn't invite anyone, they're only going to Parati because their relationship went crazy, man. And then people ask me: "But what's your secret? How do you manage to touch people so deeply?" And in reality, all I do is take a theme that people think only they experience, that it's something forbidden and wrong, and that only happens to them. And I throw it at the fan full of glitter and say: "This happens to everyone, it even happened to me yesterday." And then the person realizes that it's super normal, and the most natural things in the world start to sound like the most natural things in the world, and not like some horrible taboo. And then people relax, because they see that it happens to everyone, that it's not an anomaly for them. And then they start sending me these emails thanking me because I changed their lives. I didn't change anyone's life. I don't know these people. How am I going to change their lives? I don't know what they need. I barely know what I need, but I'm speaking from the perspective of a young girl who has desires and wants like everyone else , and who has horrible fears that make no sense at all, and who has insecurity that is completely unfounded. And then people see that and the shoe fits perfectly . And then the person sees that as a turning point in their life, and that's how they generate that change. And it's funny because when our mother says, "Look, that boy is making you... you should break up with that boy." We say, "Mom, don't interfere in my life, okay? You have no right to meddle here." Then a complete stranger comes along and says, "That boy's doing something wrong. I don't know if he's right, you should take a look at that ." And then the girl says, she's talking to me, she did it for me. I am represented here in this video. And I think that happens because we, our generation, don't really want to take orders from anyone, we don't want anyone pointing at our lives, saying that what you're doing is wrong. You should have done that another way, because this way here is better than I know how. You don't know, but I do. Then do it this way, my way, it 's better. We mostly just want to have a chat. Everyone speaks their mind . So, if you agree, you agree, if you disagree, you disagree, go on with your life, take ownership of your life as you wish or not. And so we go on. And I think that works really well on my channel, because I speak with the utmost naturalness, as if we were just chatting quickly in a bar . But nowadays, with the tools we have, this kind of casual conversation , there's room for a lot of people, a whole lot of people indeed. Before the "Red Lipstick" video , in that bar of mine where I used to talk to people, there were 10,000 people, more than 10,000 people. And now there are over 100,000 people in my little bar, and I'm talking to all of them. But instead of being in a bar, I actually talk to them from my house, you know, from inside my room. Me, alone, and a camera. And that's enough these days. Thanks. Glories.