The Power of Self-Permission | Hollis Rohrer | TEDxISU
The speaker argues that overcoming limiting life conclusions requires self-permission, which can be found by accepting difficult emotions, taking ownership of your interpretations, or committing to action regardless of how you feel. She illustrates this by recounting a childhood trauma involving a Barbie doll dress stuck in her nose, which led to years of avoidance and eventually allowed her to build the confidence to stand on stage. The core message is that personal parameters are malleable and can be actively changed through conscious choice.
## Speakers & Context
- Speaker (H. Roar): Shares personal experiences to illustrate the power of self-permission in defining one's life parameters.
- Audience: Includes family members; the speaker specifically acknowledges her mother, Dr Davis, and father in the audience.
- Context: The speaker notes the significance of being on stage for two reasons: spending three and a half years in Pocatello, Idaho, where early childhood freedom allowed her to experience "ultimate Wrinkle in Time" moments, and overcoming the fear of public exposure.
## Theses & Positions
- Exposure is terrifying, but putting oneself out there when it is worthwhile is necessary for growth.
- Trauma creates limiting conclusions (e.g., "I am a Target") as coping mechanisms to survive moments of extreme vulnerability or perceived threat.
- People draw conclusions about themselves (e.g., "not good enough," "not smart enough") from negative events like friends turning their backs or family comments.
- The parameters defining our lives are often built by taught assumptions and the conclusions we draw, but these parameters are *malleable*.
- Self-permission is the mechanism for freeing oneself from limiting "spin cycles" to achieve personal freedom.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Coping Mechanism (Pre-Conclusion):** Running, hiding, and avoiding to prevent feeling trapped or exposed after a traumatic event.
- **Drawing Conclusions:** The process where the brain attempts to create narratives or explanations to make sense of painful, humiliating, or rejected experiences.
- **Self-Permission:** The deliberate process of allowing oneself to change one's defining narratives through actionable steps:
1. **Acknowledge Feelings:** Saying *"thank you for being part of who I am"* rather than letting feelings take over, recognizing you are the *container* for all feelings/beliefs.
2. **Own Interpretation:** Adopting the mindset *"If I created it, I can change it,"* shifting control from external events to internal choice.
3. **Commitment:** Choosing *"I'm going to do it anyway,"* meaning committing to the action regardless of current feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.
## Named Entities
- **Pocatello, Idaho** — Location where the speaker spent three and a half years of early childhood.
- **Sonia** — Best friend of the speaker, present in the audience.
- **Dr Davis** — Speaker's mother, present in the audience.
## Numbers & Data
- Duration of time in Pocatello, Idaho: **three and a half years**.
- Speaker's age when parents had her: **I** (Implied late 70s/early 80s, as parents were barely 20 when she was born).
- Speaker's age when parents divorced: **two**.
- Year of trauma incident (doctor's office): **1975**.
## Examples & Cases
- **Childhood Play:** Hopping on a bike with Sonia to "the great unknown" in Pocatello, where time "stopped and space warped."
- **Early Trauma (Doctor's Office):** Being treated in 1975 after attempting to put a Barbie doll dress up her nose; subsequently thrown the doctor across the room and tossing a nurse out the door.
- **Resulting Coping Strategy:** Becoming a child who was constantly looking over their shoulder, leading to fear of being trapped.
- **External Triggers for Conclusions:** Friend turning their back; ongoing comparison between siblings; family comments ("thunder thighs or wimpy biceps"); cashier speaking to her; partner snapping at her.
- **The "Doing It Anyway" Example:** The speaker committing to doing the talk at the TedX event even though she was afraid and felt vulnerable.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The speaker notes that the physical parameters of life (like being "Target" or "scared") were once useful survival mechanisms but are no longer serving her.
- She acknowledges the argument for *how* to show up (props, slides, writing a book, podcast) versus the raw, spontaneous mode.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- **Self-Permission Formula:**
1. Thank the feeling/belief that arises (e.g., "Thank you for being part of who I am").
2. Claim agency ("You are the adult," "I can take it from here").
3. Act regardless of feeling ("I'm going to do it anyway").
- **Final Advice:** Do not wait for permission to show up or to choose *how* to show up.
## Implications & Consequences
- Limiting beliefs create predictable patterns of behavior ("limiting Loops") that keep one from reaching desired outcomes.
- Recognizing that one is the "container" for one's feelings and beliefs means one can choose an empowered belief over a limiting one.
- Personal parameters are not fixed destinies but ideas that can be rewritten by conscious action.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"the freedom to roam as a kid in a place like pocatella was off the charts"*
- *"the ultimate Wrinkle in Time experience where we were so present in our in our madeup worlds that time stopped and space warped"*
- *"exposure is terrifying okay"*
- *"I was a child of the 70s and they were barely 20 when they had my sister and 22 when they had me"*
- *"I somehow managed to put a Barbie doll dress all the way up my nose into my nasal passage"*
- *"I became a three-year-old Incredible Hulk after I I threw the doctor across the room and I tossed a nurse out the door and another one out the window"*
- *"I would argue that all of us have had at least one moment in our lives where we felt like we wanted to die from shame or humiliation or rejection or regret or guilt or grief or from something that we thought was a a massive failure on our part that left us feeling vulnerable and exposed"*
- *"permission defines Our Lives"*
- *"You are in charge you are the adult"*
- *"if I created it I can change it"*
- *"I'm going to do it anyway"*
- *"you don't have to ask permission to show up in your life or for how you choose to show up"*