SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE | Linda Sheridan | TEDxWexford
The speaker argues that modern society, fueled by drinking culture and social media, has led to a crisis where people mask deep mental health issues, causing us to lose genuine experience for the sake of online perception. This crisis is evident in the failure of existing systems and the difficulty in connecting with authentic emotional states, which the speaker advocates overcoming by returning to nature. The final call is to disconnect from technology and simply *be* present in the moment.
## Speakers & Context
- Speaker: Unidentified; delivers several spoken word pieces.
- Context: Performance art/Spoken Word style talk, featuring personal revelations and socio-cultural critiques.
- Audience/Community: Addressed as "we," the community experiencing the cultural issues.
- Emotional Tone: Begins with critique and despair, shifts to moments of profound vulnerability, and concludes with determined hope.
## Theses & Positions
- Current national culture is overly reliant on alcohol consumption, suggesting dependency is pervasive and often unquestioned.
- Social media has created a transactional existence where life events must be *perfectly photographed and posted* to count.
- There is a societal tendency to mask real problems (mental health, substance abuse) with temporary fixes like *"sleeping tablets antidepressants antipsychotics red wine midweek."*
- Society is prioritizing *social perception* over actual, felt experience ("are we really live in that joy or are we constantly thinkin how best to post this event").
- The speaker positions genuine, unfiltered connection (as modeled by the subject 'Vanya') as the antidote to the modern, over-mediated existence.
- Intellect is declining while "online intelligence" is increasing—we are learning to *check* rather than *create*.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Socially acceptable:** Title of the first spoken word piece, referencing the double standard of behavior.
- **Mental health epidemic:** The speaker diagnoses this as a national crisis linked to lifestyle and technology saturation.
- **Online existence:** A mode of being where actions are judged and validated by digital posting and social metrics.
- **"My son":** A metaphor or literal narrative element representing profound, unconditional connection and the survival of true human spirit through adversity.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Social Critique (Drinking):** Observing that questioning intoxication is often met with deflection ("I was drunk," "It wasn't me").
- **Social Media Critique:** The mechanism of creating curated reality via likes and tags, suggesting life becomes a product.
- **Emotional Coping Cycle:** The progression from intoxication/recreational drugs $\rightarrow$ perceived inability to function $\rightarrow$ diagnosis $\rightarrow$ reliance on pharmaceutical management.
- **Process of Discovery (Vanya's Story):** Learning true connection through shared hardship, inability to communicate in a shared language, and reliance on non-verbal cues (charades).
- **Personal Artistic Performance:** Using poetry/spoken word to channel complex emotions and societal diagnoses.
## Timeline & Sequence
- **Age 12:** Speaker's experience of secondary school, aiming for popularity.
- **Age 17:** A leave-in searcher boyfriend is imprisoned for murder; speaker witnesses the system (prison gates).
- **Age 18:** Involved in a traffic accident; case dragged through courts, leading to civil and criminal court wins.
- **Post-18:** Illness causes liver failure; medical team advises no toxins (no alcohol) for one year.
- **18 months later:** Full diagnosis and permission granted to drink again.
- **Age 23:** Moves into a 3-bedroom semi.
- **Period:** Receipt of the boy from an orphanage in Belarus through the Chernobyl aid Ireland charity under arrest and recuperation programme.
- **Vanya's Early Life:** Lost mother to alcoholic father; father served 10 years in prison.
- **Speaker's Age:** 33 (when writing "My Song").
## Named Entities
- **Tala in Dublin:** Location where the speaker and peers were raised.
- **Belarus:** Country of origin for the boy Vanya.
- **Chernobyl aid Ireland charity under arrest and recuperation programme:** Organization that provided the boy.
- **Vanya:** The boy who stayed with the speaker; the subject of the deep emotional narrative.
- **Linda Sheridan:** The speaker's name.
## Numbers & Data
- Age when speaker was bullied: **12**.
- Age speaker was in secondary school: **17**.
- Age speaker was in the car accident: **18**.
- Duration of sobriety after liver failure: **one year**.
- Age speaker moved out: **23**.
- Age boy Vanya is now: **23**.
- Year speaker was born: **1982**.
- Age when writing "My Song": **33**.
- Frequency of thoughts: **sixty to eighty thousand** thoughts per day.
- Increase in information received: **60,000 times** more than sixty years ago.
## Examples & Cases
- **Alcohol Dependency Example:** The pattern of blaming external factors for poor decisions: "I was drunk," "It wasn't me."
- **Social Media Ridicule:** Friends using platforms to publicly ridicule fashion faux pas and bad hair days.
- **Trauma Documentation:** Using platforms to raise awareness for diseases like amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, often culminating in events like Ice Bucket Challenges.
- **Toxicology Check:** Questioning the ability of government employees to pass a random drug test.
- **The "Bender" Story:** A young man who was "on the best 10-day cocaine-fueled bender of our lives," leading to suicidal ideation following the loss of a friend.
- **The Museum/Tesco's Story:** Vanya's attempt to "beat" the automated till mechanism at Tesco's until it beeped.
- **The Keyring and Car:** Vanya only having one pocket, indicating in his world that possessions signaled danger.
## Tools, Tech & Products
- Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram — primary social media platforms.
- Google — search engine, associated with intellectual outsourcing.
- Pinterest — platform used for imitation and checking existing content.
- Depressants/Anxiolytics/Antipsychotics/Sleeping Tablets — pharmaceuticals used for management.
- Laptops/PCs/Tablets/Phones — modern devices causing constant distraction.
## References Cited
- **Lord of the Flies:** Mentioned in the context of profound loss and natural law versus civilization.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- **The speaker’s own defense:** "*I am NOT standing here declare and perfection far from*"; acknowledges the performance is not an absolute pronouncement.
- **The initial critique:** Some experiences (like drinking or drug use) are excused by cultural norms or temporary states.
- **The Counter-Crisis:** While the speaker focuses on mental health, the modern state is also one of economic and systemic pressure ("a warming climate or a failing economy or the fact that as a recent college graduate I may never get hired").
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- **Core Recommendation:** "Go outside to the beach the river the forest and just walk remove yourself from constant newsfeed sports results your PC your tablet your phone and just sit quietly until it becomes comfortable."
- **Call to Action:** Be self-aware, practice self-acceptance ("Be yourself accept yourself get to know yourself").
- **Life Philosophy:** Live in the moment and "feel your breath and be free."
## Implications & Consequences
- **Loss of Self:** The risk of losing one's true self to the demands of online performance and social categorization.
- **Cultural Detachment:** A dangerous gap between emotional reality and digital presentation.
- **The Power of Origin Story:** The narrative shows that deep resilience and character can be built through immense trauma (abuse, poverty, illness) and genuine human connection.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"I was lucky enough to grow up with a Facebook snapchat and Instagram my teenage years when I played out like a West End show to millions via social media"*
- *"I'm not sure if you've seen this image but it's one that I'll never forget"* (referencing a refugee image).
- *"we end up not functioning properly"* (describing the youth's state after drug use).
- *"are we living in existence based on social perception"*
- *"We are losing intellect while gaining online intelligence"*
- *"Don't be controlled by an online existence be yourself accept yourself get to know yourself"*
- *"I'm 63 my life created me I haven't paid from my voice"*
- *"my blurred hearts became intoxicated"*
- *"The room is closing in I can't breathe I want to leave"*
- *"I feel my feet in the sand my breath in the moment my life is in my hands"*
- *"I'd have to save all the babies that are already here like me to be a mom just like you would"*