SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE | Linda Sheridan | TEDxWexford
we are a nation of drinkers and no one asks why no one bats an eye do we ever stop to look at the harm or the effect on society as a whole our drinkin nation is not age-specific in fact if you have not been binge drink and at some stage in your life I would question your nationality do we question the harsh words that may have passed our lips sleeping with someone we shouldn't wishing we hadn't knowing that we shouldn't have that line of cocaine or the ecstasy tab we may have had more sense to refuse four pints or two Jager bombs ago we wake up and convince ourselves it wasn't me I was drunk I love that statement I've had friends finish that sentence with I'm not going out with you anymore because you remember everything I really do feel it for the youth of today I was lucky enough to grow up with a Facebook snapchat and Instagram my teenage years when I played out like a West End show to millions via social media given my friends and peers every opportunity to publicly ridicule every fashion faux pas and bad hair day of which I've had many I do see the good in social media though we are now not only aware of a refugee crisis we have the face of a tiny five-year-old boys body washed up on a beach imprinted in our minds forever I'm not sure if you've seen this image but it's one that I'll never forget we also learn about new disorders through this wonderful platform such as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis we complete ice bucket challenges in order to raise awareness and funds for the people affected when months later our youth are challenged to neck nominations which take their lives years after all the drinkin and the odd double and recreational drugs we end up not functioning properly we can't think our minds are running at 90 miles an hour we can't sleep suicidal thoughts creep in anxiety depression or worse can be diagnosed by your local GP we then revert to the new norm sleeping tablets antidepressants antipsychotics red wine midweek or suffering whatever helps you through but do they or are we just masking the problem or therapy counseling or meditation help ask yourself this of all the beautiful souls lost by our community to suicide how many had clear toxicology reports now let's take it one step further have mental health issues or substance abuse of any kind touched their lives now let's look at the services and how were run in this country if we were to complete a random drug test for legal and illegal substances in our government tomorrow how many of the people we employ to run this country would pass I was helping a young guy in his early twenties only a few weeks ago he told me while unable to stand he was so drunk that he himself was suicidal he said he explained that he lost his best friend to suicide earlier this year and he said he just couldn't understand why he said we just been on the best 10-day cocaine-fueled bender of our lives and that song that he spent searching for his friends buddy we as a nation are going through a mental health epidemic and I'm constantly asking why did you know we have between sixty and eighty thousand thoughts a day we are receiving 60,000 times more information that we did sixty years ago we have not yet evolved to contain such information and with the constant pressure to have the perfect relationship the perfect family the perfect career and all of which must be perfectly photographed and posted on social media to exist how are we to cope I wondered one day while tagging myself at the gym what I bore an equally the same amount of calories had I checked in or not then I looked at my mental and emotional states before and after checking in once I had placed that tag I felt like my workout was done are we living in existence based on social perception when we're experienced in the most joyful moments of our lives are we really live in that joy or are we constantly thinkin how best to post this event we are losing intellect while gaining online intelligence we don't think anymore we ask google we don't create we check Pinterest and we just imitate something that already exists don't be controlled by an online existence be yourself accept yourself get to know yourself I am NOT standing here declare and perfection far from I am NOT standing here in judgment the betterment of society with a hopeful wish my words may inspire choices in the decisions we have not yet made go outside to the beach the river the forest and just walk remove yourself from constant newsfeed sports results your PC your tablet your phone and just sit quietly until it becomes comfortable this may take a while but trust me serenity is worth it I would like to know perform for you my first piece of spoken word it's called socially acceptable we drink or not thirsty no higher I'm sure I'm only 30 the alcohol has got me it wasn't me last week last month are in July it's not a lie it's what we do on this Islands going neck Reckitt live the Boers live on what was once a life of simple heart smiles and laughter now filled with dark morning's of sulfur Dean solutions launched time cures and Saturday night disaster midweek tipples turn into Thursday tears rewind repeat fast forward some yokes shirts are a joke the mind can't focus living in last week last month last decades regrets fear is taken over they say it's depression I say it was a me last week last month or last year my blurred hearts became intoxicated actions did I choose this destiny of anxiety and confusion in my future I will worry for what I perceive may catastrophic ly happen the room is closing in I can't breathe I want to leave I have arrived I feel my feet in the sand my breath in the moment my life is in my hands I see the sunlight and take in life's pleasures it's on me I'm 63 my life created me I haven't paid from my voice I've taken all the good advice live in the moment feel your breath and be free but my Sonny needs me a dee dee lives a simple life lacks attention and order confused states of mind and laughter my grandson's bipolar I lacked a life of trying to create world order or have my choices created a new disorder medication the new voice of this generation a world full of sedated Minds making decisions for a nation creative minds can draw the dole Google's in control Wars make money and illness sells new visions created by genius minds and stolen by the Dragons with the money to do so step back fall forward watch yourself insure yourself your dog your life your car has you've been feared to do so fear what might happen it didn't you aren't he didn't breathe into your own body and be free this is me I'm 23 no drink in my hand a hatred for drugs and a yearly list for my destiny fast cars lay bare as pure at heart smiles and laughter embarrassing moments I tried to forget sober tarts I won't regret wisdom and sadness for what I've seen but I am keen luring her with a sixth sense I now understand the worlds in my hands I'd like to now tell you a little bit about where my inspiration originates from my name is Linda Sheridan I was born in 1982 the most loving family my mother is literally the most kindest caring given person you could ever meet you could ask my mom for an organ and she would say yes would ever question and force whether she needed or not herself to survive she passed this wonderful nature on to my brother we were brought up in tala in Dublin surrounded by the most admirable admirable communities Ferris we didn't have much but we had each other I was bullied a little in primary school and at 12 I went to secondary school with one mission to be popular I made some great friends that first year and to this day we are still close at 17 in my leave-in searcher boyfriend who had been failed by the mental health system ended up in prison for murder that was my first and only time to pass through the gates of my prison I was searched and felt those gates closed behind me while in the visiting room surrounded by other prisoners I gave him the notes he needed to complete his leave insert while he showed me the wounds that were self-inflicted saying that what he felt was happ'nin wasn't real so many lives had been ruined forever at 18 I received another lesson I was involved in a traffic accident totally not my fault but as we live in this blame claim culture it was dragged through the courts I won both the civil and the criminal court cases but to this day I will never forget the absolute terror of being torn apart by that barrister as I stood in the witness box after the court cases and delighted with my eighth honours myself of my friends kind your typical leave in search results celebration two weeks in the Canaries while on holidays that following year I got really ill when I came home the illness persisted and my liver started to fail although the medical team didn't quite know what was wrong with me they advised me not to consume a toxin for at least a year no alcohol not even a headache tablet I think my friends drank more in that year than they have done in any year since then 18 months later and with a full diagnosis from an American blood team I was given the good news I had now a fully functioning liver and permission to drink again that day I asked myself well they still first on the dance floor did I still get up and sing badly on the karaoke and the answer was yes I haven't drank since and two months before my 21st birthday I moved into my very own 3 bed semi at 23 I got one of the greatest gifts I have ever received a little boy came to stay with us from an orphanage in Belarus he came to the Chernobyl aid Ireland charity under arrest and recuperation programme he came to say for one month a Christmas and three months in the summer and I'm incredibly proud to say after a 10-year about 22 tearful gobias he is now 23 he is my son and he's here in the audience tonight Vanya everyone Vanya's life would make a trilogy you would not believe to be based on a true life story when he was six at the hands of his alcoholic father he lost his mother his father served 10 years in prison and his brother served ace Vanya has taught me more than any formal education ever has done or will do in this lifetime imagine my excitement that first Christmas we had this little boy coming to stay with us from the orphanage and I was going to give him everything I don't think I slept for a week with excitement and on that Christmas morning you couldn't see the carapace I rushed down to his bedroom woke him up brought him to the living room and I could have never predicted what was going to happen next he stood in the doorway the blood drained from his face he felt instantly sick and he ran I persisted and persisted that all the gifts were for him after much persistence he took one keyring and one small car it took me a long time to understand why but Vanya only had one pocket that Christmas morning and in his world possessions meant you were in danger there's been so many lessons just like this one another time he came to the airport and shoo all the hugs and smiles and laughter I noticed he had all these scratches on his face and when I asked him what had happened through our usual form of communication which was charades because we hadn't got a language between us he explains that the girls had been given a responsibility to clean the boy's bedroom block and there wasn't enough two pushes to go around so the girls used to take all the tube brushes and set the boys challenges to get the two pushes back that day I went to the local euro store and I bought every two push they had in order to try and stop these children trading to bushes like cigarettes in prison we've also had so many funny times so many moments of joy and laughter and one of my favorite stories that makes me smile to this day is our first trip to Tesco's we arrived at the till trolley full of shopping and Vanya just could not understand how the Machine knew when to beep so he used to try and beat it so he'd beep and the tail would beep and he beep finally played b2b before every trolley loaded shopping for three years what could I do used to just stand and smile you know how could I explain the situation I couldn't even speak his language and I'm so incredibly proud of the young man that he's become today he doesn't wear his scars like a suit of armor he knows the true meaning of the word charity he goes around and tries to make everybody that's around him smile and I am honored to have being part of his journey so far I'd like to know share with you my second piece of spoken word which is about our journey and it's aptly named my son me I wrote a song when I was 33 was it all about me my life lessons are what it really meant to me life and understanding of this century I am a hundred years why is yet I'm only 33 it all started when I was 23 or was it when I was only 3 my mom said to me think of all the babies you'll have when you're growing up like me my reply when I was 3 I'd have to save all the babies that are already here like me to be a mom just like you would a vision so clear and strong it was hard to get along old employers would recognize young friends would criticize and mock teenage years full of fears of fitting in I wasn't young with a fear of fitting in I was different and hadn't quite realized how much I was happy to stand out speak out look up and be counted change lives with a vision that astounded at 23 my true lesson came to me from Russia what law he was sent to me he would be my best teacher in all of what life is meant to be he would surely connect with me connected by a soul which had passed away this was meant to be life of cruel torment and hatred should are from what a sacred lessons he had learned a teacher could not preach Lord of the Flies in reality could not teach loss of life strife a cruel tormented life you are here to me but yeah he didn't appear to be 2 years of love life and laughter looking after no joy he would still not cry trust or rely a small hand from a cage a monkey he did engage one small hand to another past the piece of Apple and the loss of a mother legs lost all power from within and from the heart not the emotions did begin from one small crack that wept over years gains strength and did grow being cherished and let go on this rollercoaster we did go Airport tears a months of fears laughter filled so many Christmas years pocket-sized presents were hidden value two brushes were present value lessons learned a let go through his teachings I did grow from the spirit world he was sent to me connected one mother to another in many ways he gave birth to me shall be my determination and who I was meant to be you are my son and were always meant to be sent by your birth motor now you have another and you are here with me thank you [Applause]