AdulThings: Navigating the 20s and Its Uncertainties | Bealaura Angela Bencio | TEDxArellanoSt
The speaker, Bea, argues that the twenties are inherently characterized by a tension between profound loss and boundless potential, asserting that navigating this period requires accepting instability and remaining present despite the pressure to have life entirely mapped out. She draws on her own experiences with mental health diagnoses and professional life to advocate for self-compassion and embracing the journey of 'emerging adulthood.' The strongest guidance offered is the actionable advice to simply "show up" to life, trusting that growth happens *through* the difficult transitions.
## Speakers & Context
- **Bea** — 24 years old; eldest daughter, grandchild, and cousin in a Filipino family.
- **Bea's current role:** High school teacher for Grade 9 and Grade 10 students, which involves giving 3 to 4 lectures daily on topics like "compassion of Generation Z," career planning, and science.
- **Additional roles:** Works as a high school advisor and prepares subject implementation programs; pursuing second year in graduate school studying MS Psychology.
- **Personal life:** Recently engaged to a partner currently living in Japan; planning a wedding for early 2024.
- **Somatic/Mental Health Context:** Sought professional help at age 22 after being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder; later diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder; credits therapy with understanding her brain functions are "built different."
## Theses & Positions
- **Identity Structure:** Familial roles (eldest daughter, grandchild, cousin) predispose her to being seen as reliable, conscientious, and potentially controlling, leading her career choice in the academy.
- **The Nature of the Twenties:** The twenties are defined by the contradiction of feeling simultaneously highly capable of independence yet deeply uncertain about one's role in adulthood.
- **Deconstruction of Life Planning:** Linear life planning (e.g., 20s to 30s to 40s) is artificial; it is normal for goals and plans to change.
- **Social Connection:** Friendships evolve; it is normal to outgrow peers or develop differing values, and the resulting loss is a unique form of heartbreak.
- **Healing Process:** Healing is not passive; it must be an *active practice* requiring patience, understanding, and grace, taking longer than the initial hurt.
- **Self-Worth:** Success is purely personal, and one's value is not determined by peers' relationship status or career stability.
- **Adulthood Paradox:** Becoming an adult is marked by an increase in personal control but concurrently generates a paralyzing sense of freedom and uncertainty.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Adlerian perspective:** Interprets her eldest familial roles as suggesting she is reliable, achiever, and conscientious, but also controlling.
- **Emerging Adulthood:** A concept proposed by Arnett, describing a developmental stage from the late teens through the early 20s (ages 18 to 29).
- **Five Characteristics of Emerging Adulthood:**
1. **Age of Identity Exploration:** Constantly navigating multiple roles (e.g., career woman vs. mother's child).
2. **Age of Instability:** Frequent changes in jobs, relationships, and residences compared to other age groups.
3. **Age of Self-Focus:** Realizing the time to pursue personal desires, which can lead to paralyzing decisions.
4. **Age of Feeling In-Between:** Acknowledging adult responsibilities while still experiencing regression to a younger self (e.g., still living at parents' house).
5. **Age of Possibilities:** A time of deep optimism despite the accompanying dread of aging.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Cognitive Reframing:** Shifting focus from external markers of success (job, relationship) to internal validation ("Success is personal").
- **Active Healing:** Viewing recovery from trauma not as something that simply *happens*, but as a deliberate, ongoing practice.
- **Emotional Navigation:** The process of managing the grief associated with developmental transitions, such as diverging friendships or unmet expectations.
- **Professional Development:** The cycle of seeking therapy after diagnosis (ASD $\rightarrow$ MDD $\rightarrow$ GAD) to achieve self-understanding.
## Timeline & Sequence
- **Childhood:** Being the eldest daughter, grandchild, and cousin in a Filipino family.
- **Adolescence/Young Adulthood (Pre-22):** Period where initial life goals were set (e.g., career planning plots from 20s to 40s).
- **Age 22:** Point at which she sought professional help due to mental health diagnoses.
- **Current Period (Twenties):** The phase characterized by the five traits of emerging adulthood (18-29).
- **Projection:** Expecting wedding in early 2024.
## Named Entities
- **Bea** — Speaker.
- **Philippines** — Location for her professional goals.
- **Japan** — Location of her fiancé.
## Numbers & Data
- Speaker's age: **24**.
- Educational status: **Second year** in graduate school.
- Student grades taught: **Grade 9** and **Grade 10**.
- Number of daily lectures: **Three to four**.
- Timeframe for career planning: **20s to 30s to 40s**.
- Diagnoses timeline: Diagnosed at **22 years old** with ASD and MDD; later with GAD.
- Age range for emerging adulthood: **18 to 29**.
- Comparison of life planning deviation: Goal at **18** vs. reality at **22**.
## Examples & Cases
- **Personal Career:** Teaching everything from "compassion of Generation Z" to advanced career planning and science.
- **Friendship Loss:** Developing different values causing friends to "drift apart," which is a unique, gut-wrenching heartbreak.
- **Healing Milestone:** The realization that everything fell into place so she could be present *now*, which a "younger self" will thank her for.
- **The Routine:** The necessary acceptance of life's cyclical nature (long days, short weeks/months).
- **Family Life:** Living with mother and younger brother at grandparents' house, illustrating the "feeling in between."
## Tools, Tech & Products
- **Social Media Presence:** Mentioned as a source of distraction/comparison that should be reduced.
- **Yearbook Pictorials, Last Intramurals, Last Final Exams:** Symbols representing the transient, unforgettable nature of student life.
## References Cited
- **Arnette (Source)** — Researcher who proposed the concept of Emerging Adulthood in **2000**.
## Trade-offs & Alternatives
- **Life Planning:** Trade-off between the need for a structured plan (plotting 20s-40s) versus the reality that plans must be fluid and adaptable.
- **Self-Perception:** The conflict between how society views her (fully functioning adult) and how she sometimes feels (less than).
- **Emotional Investment:** The trade-off between focusing on the future (stressing over career) versus appreciating the present moment.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The initial advice regarding college years ("enjoy your time as a student") is difficult to accept when already feeling stressed about the future.
- The assertion that one *can* have a stable, flourishing career while simultaneously having high rates of instability in other areas (like finances) can be misleading.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- **Primary Directive:** If in your twenties and feeling pressured to have it all figured out, do not panic, but instead, "just show up."
- **Mindset Shifts:** Embrace the fact that life involves grieving *and* expansion simultaneously.
- **Growth Posture:** To handle transitions, one must keep their "eyes and heart open."
- **Call to Action:** Be more grateful for the sunshine and continue to take up space.
## Implications & Consequences
- **Societal Norms:** The pressure in the twenties to achieve stable markers (career, relationship, permanent location) is an unrealistic standard for development.
- **Personal Growth:** Mastering the acceptance of impermanence—that all current states (both good and bad) will change.
- **Mental Health:** Highlighting that mental health struggles are a normal part of navigating the complexities of modern identity formation.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"The eldest daughter the eldest grandchild and the eldest cousin in a Filipino family according to adlerian perspective this says that I am a reliable person an achiever conscientious but also very controlling."*
- *"I'm here to talk about those things when you feel so uncertain about your role as an adult of how it feels to navigate your twenties in this generation."*
- *"Don't Focus so much on the future that you forget or ignore what's in front of you."*
- *"it's okay if your goals when you are 18 look different now that you're 22."*
- *"losing friends it's a different type of heartbreak too it is gut-rangingly painful."*
- *"you will come to realize that everything fell into place so that you can be here at this exact moment and your younger self will thank you for it."*
- *"comparison is the thief of Joy"*
- *"this is where the word uncertainty Finds Its place"*
- *"the bad news is no one has it all figured out / the good news is no one has it all figured out"*
- *"if you are in your 20s and feel pressured to have it all figured out don't"*
- *"get ready for the rainstorms and eventually you will bloom."*