AdulThings: Navigating the 20s and Its Uncertainties | Bealaura Angela Bencio | TEDxArellanoSt
my name is Bea I am 24 years old allow me to share a little bit about myself I am the eldest daughter the eldest grandchild and the eldest cousin in a Filipino family according to adlerian perspective this says that I am a reliable person an achiever conscientious but also very controlling so I guess this is why I landed a job in the academe I teach the youth for a living and work as a high school teacher so my students are Grade 9 in grade 10. a typical day at work is me giving out three to four lectures a day with topics ranging from compassion of Generation Z to planning for a rewarding and fulfilling career to science for progress and remember when you used to have advisors that's also part of my high school this sorry job description I'm a high school advisor on top of that I also do admin work and prepare my subject implementation programs as if that isn't enough I'm also pursuing higher education I'm in my second year in graduate school I'm studying Ms psychology my life goal is to become one of the best psychologists here in the Philippines all the while strengthening my advocacy in mental health women's rights lgbtqia plus rights and positive Youth Development now I like to think of myself as an extrovert so I get my energy from being surrounded by people just like now I recently got engaged to the love of my life we've been together for four years currently is living in Japan so we're in a long distance relationship I'm planning for my wedding which hopefully happens at the start of 2024. oh and did I tell you that I blog as well so some people in my life ask me and how do you stay sane honestly I have no idea and a number on a more serious note I think this is why I'm in therapy so I started seeking professional help when I was 22 years old I went through trauma-based therapy when I got diagnosed with acute stress disorder and then major depressive disorder and only recently was I diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder therapy helped me understand and accept the way my brain works and I understood now that my way my brain is just built different from other people from the outside looking in I seem okay no Society might consider me a fully functioning adult but some days are harder than the rest so I guess I'm here to talk about those things when you feel so uncertain about your role as an adult of how it feels to navigate your twenties in this generation and by the end of this talk maybe you'll pick something up from my story so here are 20 things I wish I knew before I hit my 20s number one when your college seniors tell you to enjoy your time as a student believe them yes I know you're stressed out already you're done with yearbook pictorials you're excited you're done with your last intramurals your last final exams and the last time we'll ever get you'll ever get to see your crush in the same cafeteria now your time as a student regardless of how it turned out for you would be one of the most memorable time of your life so don't Focus so much on the future that you forget or ignore what's in front of you remember that assignment you wrote when you were younger about creating a life plan the where the one where you had to plot your life from your 20s to your 30s to your 40s where do you see yourself 10 years from now yeah so it doesn't actually turn out that way three but it's normal for plants to change it's okay if your goals when you are 18 look different now that you're 22. yes that is a Taylor Swift reference four you don't actually get to keep all of your friends sometimes you will outgrow each other sometimes you will develop different values or maybe you just start drifting apart but the good news is they will always leave a mark in your life it's up to you to decide whether it's a good one or not five what they don't tell you though is that losing friends it's a different type of heartbreak too it is gut-rangingly painful however you know it makes you appreciate the ones that stayed six you will go through stages of grief for not becoming the person you thought you were supposed to be now that you are in your 20s when I got diagnosed my heart was broken I thought my life was over I'll never be normal again but seven you will come to realize that you love this version of yourself too you will realize that everything fell into place so that you can be here at this exact moment and your younger self will thank you for it but boy oh boy it will take a lot of patience understanding and Grace number eight you should have had less social media presence this one is self-explanatory nine your past will look very different from your peers it doesn't matter if they're into relationships and you're still single doesn't matter how fast they landed their job or how stable their career might seem in the end life is a race but is it is only with yourself comparison is the thief of Joy success success is personal there is no one out there that gets to tell you that you are not successful but yourself number nine number ten you will have to you will have to accept that life comes with its routines the days are long the weeks and months are short this is why you can't waste time because life goes by so quickly so and ask what is it that you want to do with your one and precious life we respond with I'm going to live every minute of it 11. sometimes rejection is realignment yes it might hurt at the moment but it also means that the right opportunity or person is still out there 12. believe in your mother's Sixth Sense believer believe her 13. there is no such thing as a perfect family a perfect parent or a perfect child in your 20s you will come to realize that your parents and the adults in your life they're human too I want us to understand that our parents the adults in their in our lives did the best that they could with the resources that were available to them at that time so 14 healing takes time even more time than it took us to hurt there might be a lot of us here who are healing the inner child or healing the inner teenager but here's what we have to remember we have to be active in our own healing no one else can save us but ourselves instead of hoping to just get over it blaming others thinking think of healing as an active practice and remember slow progress is still progress 15. I'm afraid they are right exercise really does help you will find yourself the happiest person on earth when you finish the two minute planking but you will also find yourself asking why not minutes 16. acknowledge your privileges it's important to know where we stand in this world it helps us realize and identify what we can do to make it a better place for others so in your 20s I hope you are building your own advocacies because there is nothing more fulfilling than knowing you are making an impactful change in the lives of others 17. just because you're made to feel like a failure for not knowing exactly what you want doesn't necessarily mean that you are a failure 18. one thing to consider is that after graduation it's going to be a rough transition into adulthood no matter how many times or you no matter how many times you try to run towards a bright future you get sidetracked whether it's the economy because of inflation the pandemic being stuck in a low-level position or finding yourself in a relationship you thought you wanted you will really wonder if you will get there if this is still worth it and just know that everyone feels this way especially in their 20s 19. the bad news is no one has it all figured out 20. the good news is no one has it all figured out the 20s is when we all start to becoming adults no we now start to gain a level of control in our lives unlike ever before but why does this make us feel so uncertain in a study done by Arnette in 2000 they proposed emerging adulthood as a new concept of development from the late teens through the early 20s with a focus on ages 18 to 29. Arnett goes on to say that there are five characteristics of emerging adulthood number one this is the age of identity exploration so when you are in your 20s you realize you are wearing many hats some days you are the strong independent career woman who can take on the world other days you are your mother's child other days you will regress to your younger self but identity exploration may be draining but it's also necessary you will be in a constant state of self-discovery in your 20s and I hope you appreciate that this is also the age of instability this is where the word uncertainty Finds Its place so emerging adults change jobs relationships and Residences more frequently than any other age group you know to be transparent with you I think I'm already in a stable job my career is flourishing stable relationship but this isn't something that I earned it isn't because I got lucky I acknowledge the Privileges I had along the way but I worked really really hard to get where I am now and if you ask me what's the most unstable part of my life it will definitely definitely be my finances um age of self-focus so emerging adults start to realize that this is the time where they can actually do what they want with their lives but here's the thing you grow older and you gain independence as you gain independence you make your own decisions and the burden of this Freedom can be so paralyzing but I want you to consider one thing in your 20s you are not selfish nor ungrateful when you decide that you want to do something more for yourself this is also an age of feeling in between you know I'm making all of these adult decisions but sometimes I still don't feel like an adult what do I mean by that well like I said earlier career woman here engage and everything but the thing is I still live with my mother and younger brother we still live in my grandparents house so sometimes you know I find myself regressing back to my younger self and so maybe this is what it means to feel in between of things but lastly this is the age of possibilities personally I think being in your 20s comes with a lot of dread we are afraid of getting older and yet through these uncertainties this is also a time period of optimism that we can someday reach our favorite versions of ourselves so if there's something that I want to leave you with it's this in your 20s you will experience both grief and expansion and that's the thing about transitions you will lose something but if your eyes and your heart remain open you will grow even through the hard stuff you will grieve and yet you will grow make sure you hold space for both the main takeaway I want to leave with you is this if you are in your 20s and feel pressured to have it all figured out don't honestly but here is what worked out for me no matter how scary it gets just show up My Hope Is that we readily face whatever life throws at us no matter how painstakingly obvious it is that we are not ready for it because plot twists you will almost always not be ready but the upside is so will the rest of us so keep on taking up space grow where you are planted get ready for the rainstorms be more grateful for the sunshine and eventually you will bloom foreign