Dossier

TEDxEast - Bruce Feiler - 05/07/10

The speaker, recounting personal trials from a severe illness and near-accidents, argues that true life lessons—especially concerning family and friendship—are found not in grand achievements but in slow, reflective moments. He anchors this philosophy using the biblical concept of the Jubilee year and the analogy of taking a slow walk with a turtle. This realization led him to establish the "Council of dads" to guide his daughters' understanding of life.

## Speakers & Context
- Speaker: Narrator/Author (implied), sharing a personal narrative about overcoming illness and developing a philosophy for fatherhood.
- Audience: Unspecified; the talk serves as an address of wisdom and reflection.
- Opening frame: When the speaker was four years old, his family moved to a new neighborhood in Savannah, Georgia, where all streets were named after Confederate War generals.

## Theses & Positions
- The *Accident* when the speaker was hit by a sedan was the only medically interesting event for 38 years.
- The concept of *knowing your neighbors* must be balanced with remaining open to the world.
- Being a literary agent is defined as being a broker of Dreams in a world where most dreams do not come true.
- While anybody can dream an Impossible Dream, only a few find a dream that is possible.
- The traditions of the Jubilee year perfectly mirror the speaker's experience of cyclical renewal and community reunion.
- Finding a "dad" requires proactively building a communicative bridge between friends and family, as culture sometimes "conspires actually against friendship."
- The core philosophy is to "let's make the awesome mundane."

## Concepts & Definitions
- **Confederate War generals:** People whose names were used to name the streets in Savannah, Georgia.
- **Osteosarcoma:** Type of cancer found in the speaker's left femur.
- **Jubilee year:** A 50th year period, based on Israelite tradition, when all families should be reunited and all people surrounded by the ones they love.
- **The "Flur":** A new type of pedestrian observed in Paris in the 1840s, characterized by the tradition of taking a turtle for a walk and letting the reptile set the pace.

## Mechanisms & Processes
- **The Accident:** Speaker was hit by a passing sedan while exploring his neighborhood, resulting in a mangled bike flying one way and his body another.
- **The Diagnosis:** A routine blood test showed an elevated number, followed by a bone scan suggesting a tumor, leading to an X-ray, MRI, and the doctor's confirmation that the tumor was "not consistent with a benign tumor."
- **The Treatment:** Involved a "chemo sandwich" (four months of chemotherapy followed by a 15-hour surgery where his left femur was removed and replaced with titanium, along with relocating his left fibula and removing one-third of his quadricep muscle), followed by four more months of chemo.
- **Building the "Council of dads":** The process involved reaching out to six men to convey a message on how to live, think, or dream for the speaker’s daughters.
- **The Lesson of the Walk:** Physical therapy on crutches forces a slow pace, leading to the realization that going slow allows one to arrive with the support of a built community, contrasting with the goal of simply reaching a destination.

## Timeline & Sequence
- **Age Four:** Family moved to Savannah, Georgia.
- **Age Five:** Parents gifted him an orange TN Stingray bicycle with a swooping banana seat and AP Hanger handlebars.
- **Date of Accident:** Occurred while exploring the neighborhood; speaker broke his left femur.
- **June 2008:** Routine blood test revealed an elevated number.
- **Post-Diagnosis Period:** Took place when the speaker was undergoing the medical treatments.
- **Nighttime Dream:** Speaker dreamed of photographs of other children on his desk.
- **The "Council of dads" Initiative:** Initiated three days after the accident.
- **Meeting Jeff Shumlin:** First met in Europe in 1983, while staying in a youth hostel in an old castle in Holland.

## Named Entities
- **Savannah Georgia:** Speaker's hometown.
- **Robert E Lee Boulevard:** Street where the speaker lived in Savannah.
- **Holland:** Location where the speaker first met Jeff Shumlin (staying in a youth hostel in an old castle).
- **Vermont:** Location where Jeff Shumlin took over his parents' student travel company.
- **Apple orchard:** Location in Vermont where the speaker read Jeff Shumlin his letter.
- **Brooklyn Bridge:** Location where the speaker took his daughters for a walk.
- **Manhattan:** Location where the speaker first met David Black.
- **Paris:** City where the 'Flur' was observed.
- **Andy:** Neighbor who ran out to the speaker after the accident.
- **Eden, Tyby:** Speaker's twin daughters; celebrated their birthday on April 15th, 2005.
- **Linda:** Speaker's wife.
- **Jeff Shumlin:** Friend who taught the speaker about approaching life like a mud puddle.
- **Ben Edwards:** Speaker's oldest friend, who grew up near the speaker in Savannah Georgia.
- **David Black:** Literary agent to the speaker; described as a "classically man's man."
- **Jacob:** Biblical figure who wrestles with an angel and is left with a scar on his leg.
- **Council of dads:** Group of men the speaker reached out to, with the goal of being present in the passages in the speaker's daughters' lives.

## Numbers & Data
- Age at move to Savannah: **four years old**.
- Age when bike was given: **five**.
- Time the accident was the only medically interesting thing: **38 years**.
- Date of elevated blood test: **June 2008**.
- Size of osteosarcoma: **7-in** in the left femur.
- Annual incidence of osteosarcoma: **600 people a year**.
- Percentage of osteosarcoma patients under 21: **85%**.
- Annual incidence for adults: **100 adults a year**.
- Survival rate 20 years prior: Estimated **15%**.
- Duration of chemo post-surgery: **four more months**.
- Time of early morning walk: **4 in the morning**.
- Decade of the 'Flur' appearance: **1840s**.
- Time span for bipedalism: **four million years**.
- Fallow period duration (Israelite): **seven years**.
- Pre-Jubilee rest period: **49 years**.
- Jubilee year designation: **50th year**.

## Examples & Cases
- **The Bike Accident:** Speaker was hit by a passing sedan while exploring the neighborhood in Savannah, resulting in the fracture of his left femur.
- **Doctor's Joke:** Doctors joked that Eden and Tyby’s birthdays were "tax day early Filer and late filer."
- **Jeff Shumlin's Approach:** Anecdote involving a moat, fence, and field of cows where Jeff simulated "cow tipping" to illustrate approachability.
- **Ben Edwards' Site:** The stinky ditch behind the house used for catching tadpoles, symbolizing an authentic place of origin.
- **David Black's Assessment:** Noted the speaker's 6'2" body and joked, "if I were your height I'd be in the NBA self-d delusion."
- **The "Flur" Tea Party:** Hosting a tea party on the Brooklyn Bridge with four saucers, four cups, and a kettle, representing the lesson of pausing.

## Tools, Tech & Products
- **Orange TN Stingray bicycle:** Gifted at age five, featuring a swooping banana seat and AP Hanger handlebars.
- **X-ray, MRI:** Diagnostic imaging tests used during the cancer diagnosis process.
- **Titanium:** Material used to replace the left femur during surgery.
- **Crutches:** Device used by the speaker after his diagnosis.
- **Napsack:** Used to hold items during the tea party on the Brooklyn Bridge.

## References Cited
- **The Bible:** Mentioned in the context of the speaker writing a book titled *Walking the Bible*.
- **Genesis:** Referenced regarding Jacob wrestling with an angel and receiving a scar.
- **Israelite tradition:** The Jubilee year concept, structured around cycles of fallow land (seven years) and mandated rest (49 years before the 50th).

## Trade-offs & Alternatives
- **Approach to Challenge:** Choosing to build community around the experience rather than dwelling on the loss or simply trying to hurry through it.
- **Focus of Connection:** The realization that the core necessity is building emotional intimacy ("male Intimacy") over maintaining the facade of masculine self-reliance.
- **Mentorship Source:** The choice between structured advice (like Ben's tadpole ditch) and the structured, aspirational advice from professional mentors (David Black).

## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The speaker initially struggled to articulate the emotional weight of his experience, resisting the idea that the accident was *the* central point.
- His wife, Linda, initially voiced doubt about the selected "dad" nominees ("not entirely convincingly").
- The speaker acknowledged his own internal resistance to slowing down, admitting, "I still want to hurry in my life."
- The scar on Jacob’s leg, though lasting, is acknowledged by the speaker as being "less lofty" than his own, yet serving a similar purpose of permanent marking.

## Methodology
- **Inquiry:** The structured process of asking six men to provide a key piece of advice on how to live, think, or dream for his daughters.
- **Consultation with Jeff Shumlin:** Determining what advice to give on a trip abroad, framed as comparing the experience to approaching a mud puddle (jump in vs. observe).
- **Consultation with David Black:** Establishing the principle of dreaming: build a business plan or outline for a dream, and if it fails, find a possible alternative.
- **Reflection on the "Flur":** Using the slow, deliberate pace of the Flur and the turtle to model the necessary tempo for life's lessons.

## Conclusions & Recommendations
- The speaker must write a book of wisdom for his daughters, incorporating the lessons from his friends.
- Daughters should be encouraged to embrace the process of dreaming, focusing on making the "awesome mundane," finding a road map, or creating a business plan for their goals.
- A final life directive: "approach the cow pack your flipflops tend your Tad Polees don't see the Wall Live the questions Harvest Miracles."
- The ultimate recommendation is to slow down and take a long walk with a friend and a turtle.

## Implications & Consequences
- The experience forced the speaker to confront and value the rarity and necessity of genuine friendship and emotional vulnerability.
- The journey highlights that the greatest source of emotional depth and guidance often comes from people you know well, rather than purely professional mentorship.
- The narrative serves as a mandate that true living requires embracing moments of pause, community, and emotional transparency.

## Open Questions
- What will the daughters learn about navigating failure and reinvention when they eventually ask the speaker for advice? (This was anticipated by Dr. Healey's expected reply: "everybody dies but not everybody lives.")

## Verbatim Moments
- "Andy Andy how are you doing"
- "The tumor in your leg is not consistent with a benign tumor."
- "I can't stop giving you hugs and kisses and when I have no more love left I just drink milk because that's where love comes from."
- "let's make the awesome mundane."
- "if I were your height I'd be in the NBA self-d delusion."
- "I'll tell them what I know which is that everybody dies but not everybody lives."
- "approach the cow pack your flipflops tend your Tad Polees don't see the Wall Live the questions Harvest Miracles"
- "take a turtle for a walk and let the reptile set the pace."
- "my lost year was my Jubilee year by Lying phow by laying fallow."