TEDxEast - Bruce Feiler - 05/07/10
## Speaker Context
- Speaker identity: Narrator/Author (implied, telling a personal story).
- Audience, setting, occasion of the talk: Unspecified, giving a talk about the experience.
- Any framing the speaker establishes for themselves up front: "when I was four years old my family moved to a new neighborhood in my hometown of Savannah Georgia all the streets in this neighborhood were named after Confederate War generals."
## People
- Andy: Neighbor who came running out to the speaker after the accident.
- Eden: Speaker's twin daughter, interested in princesses and cupcakes, turned three at the time of the anecdote.
- Tyby: Speaker's twin daughter, interested in princesses and cupcakes, turned three at the time of the anecdote.
- Linda: Speaker's wife.
- Jeff Shumlin: Friend who led a summer trip to Europe with the speaker; taught about knowing your neighbors.
- Ben Edwards: Speaker's oldest friend, grew up around the corner from the speaker in Savannah Georgia; friend who was there when the speaker got sick.
- David Black: Literary agent to the speaker; classically man's man.
- Jacob: Biblical figure who wrestles with an angel and leaves a scar on his leg.
## Organizations
- Council of dads: Group of men the speaker reached out to; goal was to be present in the passages in the speaker's daughters' lives.
## Places
- Savannah Georgia: Speaker's hometown.
- Robert E Lee Boulevard: Street where the speaker lived in Savannah.
- Holland: Location where the speaker met Jeff Shumlin for the first time (staying in a youth hostel in an old castle).
- Vermont: Location where Jeff Shumlin took over his parents' student travel company.
- Apple orchard: Location in Vermont where the speaker read Jeff his letter.
- Brooklyn Bridge: Location where the speaker took his daughters for a walk.
- Manhattan: Location where the speaker first met David Black.
- Paris: City where the 'Flur' was observed.
## Tools, Tech & Products
- Orange TN Stingray bicycle: Bicycle given to the speaker when he turned five, having a swooping banana seat and AP Hanger handlebars.
- X-ray: Imaging test used after the bone scan.
- MRI: Imaging test used after the bone scan.
- Titanium: Material used to replace the left femur during surgery.
- Crutches: Device the speaker used after his diagnosis.
- Napsack: Item speaker used during the tea party on the Brooklyn Bridge.
## Concepts & Definitions
- Confederate War generals: People after whom streets in Savannah were named.
- Osteosarcoma: Type of cancer found in the speaker's left femur.
- Jubilee year: A 50th year period where all families should be reunited and all people surrounded with the ones they love (as per Israelite tradition).
## Numbers & Data
- Four years old: Age the speaker was when his family moved to Savannah.
- Five: Age the speaker was when his parents gave him the bicycle.
- 38 years: Duration that the accident was the only medically interesting thing to happen to the speaker.
- June 2008: Date when a routine blood test showed an elevated number.
- 7-in: Size of osteosarcoma in the speaker's left femur.
- 600 people a year: Number who get an osteosarcoma.
- 85% are under 21: Percentage of osteosarcoma patients under 21.
- 100 adults a year: Number who get osteosarcoma.
- 15% survival rate: Estimated survival rate for the speaker's condition 20 years ago.
- Four more months: Duration of chemo after the femur replacement surgery.
- 4 in the morning: Time the speaker and his daughter were walking down a dark hallway.
- 1840s: Decade when the 'Flur' appeared in Paris.
- Four million years: Time span for which humans have been walking upright.
- Seven years: Period during which the Israelites were asked to let their land lie fallow.
- 49 years: Period before the land should get an extra year of rest.
- 50th year: The Jubilee year.
## Claims & Theses
- The accident when the speaker was hit by a sedan was the only medically interesting thing to ever happen to him for 38 years.
- The tumor in the speaker's leg was not consistent with a benign tumor.
- The boyfriends who were asked to be "dads" could teach the girls what it means to know your neighbors where you come from and yet be open to the world.
- Being literary agent is being a broker of Dreams in a world in which most dreams don't come true.
- Anybody can dream an Impossible Dream but only a few find a dream that's possible.
- The tradition of the Jubilee year perfectly captures the speaker's experience.
- The scar on Jacob's leg shows that one endures life changes.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- The accident: Pedal into a major thoroughfare -> hit by a passing sedan -> mangled bike flew in one direction, mangled body in another.
- The diagnosis: Routine blood test (elevated number) -> bone scan (suggested tumor) -> X-ray -> MRI -> doctor's call (confirmed diagnosis).
- The treatment: Chemo sandwich (four months of chemo) -> 15-hour surgery (removal of left femur, replacement with titanium, relocation of left fibula, removal of one-third of quadricep muscle) -> four more months of chemo.
- The lesson of the 'Flur': Taking a turtle for a walk and letting the reptile set the pace.
- The process of finding a 'dad': Reaching out to six men and asking them to be present in the daughters' lives.
## Timeline & Events
- When the speaker was four years old: Family moved to Savannah, Georgia.
- When the speaker was five: Parents gave him the orange TN Stingray bicycle.
- One day (after turning five): Speaker got hit by a passing sedan while exploring the neighborhood.
- April 15th, 2005: Birthday of Eden and Tyby.
- Three days later (after the accident): Speaker woke with the idea to ask six men to be "dads."
- 1983: Year the speaker first met Jeff Shumlin in Europe.
- A few weeks after diagnosis: Speaker and Jeff drove to Vermont and sat in an apple orchard.
- Two weeks after diagnosis: Biopsy confirmed osteosarcoma.
- One night: Speaker dreamed of photographs of other children on his desk.
- On the one-year anniversary of diagnosis: Speaker went to see Dr. Healey.
## Examples & Cases
- The bike accident: Speaker was hit by a sedan, broke his left femur.
- The couple's initial joke: Doctor mentioning Eden and Tyby's birthdays were "tax day early Filer and late filer."
- Jeff Shumlin's anecdote: Leaned over by a moat, said, "He like ever been cow tipping." (Illustration of approachability).
- Jeff's travel advice: Comparing experience to approaching a mud puddle (bending over to look at reflection vs. jumping in and thrashing around).
- Ben Edwards' suggestion: The stinky ditch behind the house where they caught tadpoles.
- David Black's assessment of the speaker: Seeing the speaker's 6'2 body and saying, "if I were your height I'd be in the NBA self-d delusion."
- The final message: Listing the required actions: approach the cow, pack your flipflops, tend your Tad Polees, don't see the Wall, Live the questions, Harvest Miracles.
## Trade-offs & Alternatives
- Career focus: Living by walking vs. cancer diagnosis impacting walking ability.
- Mentorship source: Asking friends for advice vs. the initial impulse to focus on the positive.
- Finding a "dad": Considering newer friends vs. older, established friends (like Ben).
- Manner of approaching challenges: Dwelling on the loss vs. the need to build community/bridge.
- Life philosophy: The perceived desire to hurry vs. the necessity to slow down (the Jubilee year analogy).
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The speaker's desire to keep focusing on the positive was overcome within 24 hours.
- The wife, Linda, initially started rejecting the speaker's nominees ("not entirely convincingly").
- The speaker realized that "some of my newer friends might better capture the dad I wanted to be."
- The speaker mentioned that "it's impossible to find a way to bring my friends into my kids' lives" (implied struggle).
- The speaker acknowledged the temptation: "there's still a lot of vices out there that are very attractive to me. I still want to hurry in my life."
- The scar on Jacob's leg: While the speaker's is "less lofty," he acknowledges it serves a similar purpose.
## Methodology
- Inquiry: Asking the six men to convey one message to the girls on how to live, think, or dream.
- Consultation: Asking Jeff Shumlin what he would tell the girls on their first trip abroad.
- Assessment: Speaking with David Black to learn how to coach dreamers.
- Reflection: Comparing the journey to the Biblical concept of the Jubilee year.
## References Cited
- The Bible: Mentioned in the context of the speaker writing a book titled *Walking the Bible*.
- Genesis: Referenced regarding Jacob wrestling with an angel.
- The Israelite tradition: The Jubilee year concept (every seven years let land lie fallow; every 49 years followed by a 50th Jubilee year).
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- The speaker needs to write a book of wisdom for his girls.
- He should encourage his girls to approach experiences like a child approaching a mud puddle.
- He should teach them to make the "awesome mundane," find a road map to the top of the mountain, or create an outline/business plan for a dream.
- He recommends taking a long slow walk with a friend and a turtle.
- The speaker concludes: "may you find a mud puddle to jump in may you find an excuse to reach out to your tadpole may you find a way to get over around or through any wall that stands between you and one of your dreams and one of these days grab a friend grab a turtle and take a long slow walk."
## Implications & Consequences
- Without the support structure of friends, the speaker risked forgetting what he learned.
- The experience forced the speaker to realize the rarity and importance of his friends.
- The speaker suggests that the cultural current "conspires actually against friendship."
- Being a 'dad' means becoming more communicative about feelings and fears.
## Open Questions
- What will the speaker's daughters learn from his story when they ask him? (Dr. Healey's anticipated answer).
## Verbatim Moments
- "Andy Andy how are you doing"
- "The tumor in your leg is not consistent with a benign tumor."
- "I can't stop giving you hugs and kisses and when I have no more love left I just drink milk because that's where love comes from."
- "Let's make the awesome mundane."
- "If I were your height I'd be in the NBA self-d delusion."
- "I'll tell them what I know which is that everybody dies but not everybody lives."
- "approach the cow pack your flipflops tend your Tad Polees don't see the Wall Live the questions Harvest Miracles"