The world needs you to be selfish! | Jennifer Ehrmantraut | TEDxRPLCentralLibrary
This speaker argues that the cultural stigma surrounding "selfishness" is misguided, suggesting that prioritizing one's own needs and joy is necessary for overcoming stress and having an impact. The central claim is that one must "get selfish" by actively finding personal joy, which the speaker illustrated by how spending time watching sunsets shifted her own negative internal voice and resolved physical symptoms like a rash.
## Theses & Positions
- Relationships are not designed for selfish individuals, but framing this idea is flawed because it suggests happiness must be sourced externally.
- Nothing is more selfish than how one feels, suggesting that personal emotional experience should not be stigmatized.
- Calling someone "selfish" means they are doing something they want to do but others do not want them to do.
- The internal negative voice ("you're not good enough," "you're not smart enough") is the root of stress and the source of limitations.
- The solution to stress and personal limitation is to "get selfish" by reclaiming time and finding one's own joy.
- Choosing to find joy is an act of choosing one's inherent worth and has the power to shift one's life trajectory.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Selfishness (as defined by the speaker):** The act of prioritizing one's own wants, feelings, and needs, rather than assuming external validation or sources of happiness.
- **Negative Voice:** The internalized critical dialogue that suggests one is "not good enough," "not smart enough," or "not doing enough."
- **The Rash:** A physical manifestation used metaphorically to represent the physical symptoms resulting from chronic, unmanaged stress.
- **Inspired Action:** Any form of activity—such as spending time in nature, yoga, meditation, or laughter—that leads to a measurable reduction in stress.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **The Cycle of Stress:** Societal norms create stigma (e.g., "relationships are not designed for selfish individuals"), leading people to ignore personal feelings, which is maintained by the negative internal voice.
- **The Body's Manifestation of Stress:** Chronic stress is shown to manifest physically, exemplified by the speaker's rash, which required multiple unsuccessful treatments.
- **The Healing Mechanism:** The speaker found relief by stopping the effort to *silence* the voice and instead *acknowledging* it, followed by an intentional practice of connecting with personal joy (e.g., watching sunsets).
- **The Solution's Key:** The process requires actively "claiming that time for [oneself]" and connecting with the sense of worthiness derived from that personal experience.
## Named Entities
- **American Psychological Association (APA)** — Cited regarding stress levels.
- **American Institute of Stress** — Cited regarding stress management statistics.
- **The Simpsons** — Mentioned when describing the stereotype of a crazy cat lady.
## Numbers & Data
- **80%** of all people feel stress at moderate or high levels on a regular basis, according to APA.
- **80%** of all employees experience stress on the job.
- Nearly **50%** of employees do not know how to manage job-related stress.
- Stress is an estimated **$300 billion annual cost** in the US alone (covering treatments, sick time, turnover, workers' comp).
- Time required for measurable stress reduction: **20 minutes** of inspired action.
## Examples & Cases
- **The Relationship Myth:** The implication that relationships cannot sustain self-sourced happiness.
- **The Early Attempts:** Failed strategies to silence the negative voice included:
- Pretending the voice didn't exist.
- Wanting everyone to like the speaker (inviting the voice in).
- Receiving temporary relief from physical treatments like creams, lotions, biofeedback, Reiki, massage, access bars, body talk, or salt capsules.
- **The Sunset Discovery:** The speaker made a "little Trek" with her two dogs (a chocolate lab weighing **85 pounds** and a blondie) and her cat through a valley to watch the sunset for two weeks, which shifted her internal voice to positive.
- **Stress Indicators (Potential Rashes):** The negative voice can manifest as various symptoms, such as:
- Fighting with a spouse.
- Yelling at kids in a grocery store.
- Debilitating headaches lasting for days.
- Struggle to get out of bed.
- Issues with physical health, relationships, or finances.
## Tools, Tech & Products
- **Timer:** Used by the speaker to structure the talk segment (15 seconds).
## References Cited
- **APA** — Cited for stress statistics.
- **American Institute of Stress** — Cited for workplace stress statistics.
- Studies on: Spending time in nature, benefits of yoga, benefits of meditating, laughter, and exercise.
## Trade-offs & Alternatives
- **Ignoring the voice:** Leads to the voice getting louder until it manifests physically (the rash).
- **Trying to silence the voice:** Proven ineffective; attempts to suppress emotion fail.
- **Staying in stress vs. Getting selfish:** The choice between remaining in the stress cycle or choosing joy/self-prioritization.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The assumption that relationships *must* make one happy suggests an external locus of control for emotion.
- The speaker notes that the evidence for positive action is "study after study" but the public is "letting the stress win."
## Methodology
- Personal introspection and testimonial recounting of emotional and physical distress.
- Comparative analysis of failing stress management techniques versus the accidental discovery of nature/joy.
- Identifying the source of stress as internal dialogue rather than external pressure alone.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- The core action required is to "get selfish" and proactively "find our joy" to rewire the internal dialogue.
- Leaders, thought leaders, and innovators are responsible for reframing what "selfish" means within their spheres of influence.
- The final directive is a choice: choose the stress cycle or choose self-joy.
## Implications & Consequences
- The failure to address stress now will have "serious long-term impacts" for teenagers and the next generation.
- Personal self-prioritization is necessary to achieve impact, meaningful connections, and desired relationships.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"relationships are not designed for selfish individuals."*
- *"there's nothing more selfish than how we feel."*
- *"all that means is that you're doing something that you want to do but they don't want you to do it is crap."*
- *"the negative voice... is what holds us back."*
- *"When we acknowledge that voice that's what makes the difference."*
- *"the solution was completely by accident."*
- *"I just sat there and I watched the sunset and I watched the sun go from This brilliant yellow to these deep oranges and finally set in these just beautiful pastel pinks and it took my breath away."*
- *"I started to get selfish I started to claim that time for my own."*
- *"we need to stop listening to that voice."*
- *"we need to get selfish."*
- *"I hope you choose Joy."*