What are the ways to create balance in life? | Bahar Jaff | TEDxNishtiman
Bahar Jav argues that balance is not found but must be actively created through the consistent integration of physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, and spiritual components. She illustrates this by detailing her recovery from depression, which required discipline like waking up at 5:00 am, and by successfully taming a wild fox through sustained effort, love, and patience. The core message emphasizes self-responsibility and persistence, concluding that failure only occurs when one stops trying.
## Theses & Positions
- Balance is not something one has or finds; it is something one must actively create.
- Balanced living requires considering and balancing all aspects of life: physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, and spiritual.
- Passion is considered *"the mother of all emotions,"* making a lack of passion an impediment to balance.
- Social interaction requires approaching others with love, which is deemed more powerful than approaching with hate.
- Financial stability requires determination, coupled with hard work, creativity, strategy, and perseverance.
- Spiritual growth involves believing in inner powers and the greater good, moving beyond purely practical thinking.
- The process of self-improvement is inherently difficult, intense, and exhausting, requiring a long commitment.
- The power to change one's life and achieve goals rests solely within the individual's lifestyle, demanding commitment and mindset.
- *“Failing doesn't mean quitting it means try again and again and again when you don't try that's when you fail and that's on nobody but yourself.”*
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Balanced living:** A state achieved by giving attention to all aspects of life: physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, and spiritual.
- **Passion:** Defined as *"the mother of all emotions."*
- **Energy/Inner Powers:** Belief in these non-material aspects is crucial for navigating life's complexities.
- **The Chain of Balance:** All ingredients (will, patience, passion, love, determination, believe) are interconnected; neglecting one breaks the chain.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Personal Recovery Process:**
- Initial state: Depressed, powerless, broken, and unable to think clearly.
- Catalyst: Witnessing her daughter crying on the rooftop, which saved her life and prompted her to leave Kurdistan.
- Action: Made a choice to believe in the greater good, leading to self-growth.
- Strategy development: Used reading, documentaries, and listening to people's stories while lacking a clear path.
- Intense routine: Waking up at **5:00 am** every morning for one hour of walking/running while listening to motivational speeches, followed by one hour of meditation to filter thoughts, feelings, emotions, and goals.
- Subsequent phase: Setting deadlines, taking courses, and engaging only with inspiring or soul-feeding people.
- **Animal Taming Process (The Fox):**
- Initial problem: The fox was cold, hungry, and too scared to approach.
- Intervention sequence:
1. Providing food outside while maintaining distance.
2. Building trust by allowing space.
3. Demonstrating love (providing space/respect).
4. Introducing higher stimuli (chicken sharma and cheese) to increase determination.
5. Increasing investment (time/food) and patience until the fox began guarding the chalet.
## Timeline & Sequence
- **Past Crisis:** Period when speaker was depressed and thought life could end, prompted by hearing her daughter cry.
- **Departure:** Left Kurdistan and everything built there with two one-way tickets for the Netherlands.
- **Self-Improvement Timeline:** Took *"more than one and a half years"* to reach her desired starting point.
- **Routine Implementation:** Commenced the structured routine (early rising, running, meditating) which she maintained for about **five to six weeks** before seeing initial signs of clarity.
## Named Entities
- **Kurdistan** — place from which the speaker left.
- **Netherlands** — destination to which the speaker traveled.
- **The Am Club** — concept/group that inspired the speaker's structured routine.
- **Mr Fox** — the wild animal she observed and eventually bonded with.
## Numbers & Data
- Number of blank starts in life: **three times**.
- Spiritual conviction requirement: Moving beyond *"one plus one is two"* practical thinking.
- Daily wakeup time for routine: **5:00 am**.
- Routine duration before clearing: About **five or six weeks**.
- Time taken for self-mastery: *"more than one and a half years."*
## Examples & Cases
- **The initial despair:** Standing on the rooftop of her parents' house, contemplating ending things, when she heard her daughter crying.
- **The fox taming:** Attempting to feed a scared fox, which required patience, gradually increasing trust by adding food (pizza, chicken sharma, cheese) and eventually leading to the fox guarding her chalet.
- **Financial/Emotional Struggle:** Initially feeling powerless and having nothing but herself and the internet to guide her search for balance.
## Methodology
- **Self-Improvement Strategy:** Combination of self-directed learning (reading, documentaries, listening to stories) coupled with strict behavioral routines (early morning physical exercise and structured meditation).
- **Animal Behavior Modification:** Using a progressive cycle of reinforcement—gradual proximity, increased comfort/sustenance, and emotional investment to change behavior.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- The speaker's life success and balance were achieved through intentional, sustained effort rather than chance.
- To achieve balance, one must maintain commitment to the holistic life aspects and recognize the critical role of mindset and attitude.
- The key takeaway is that the effort to improve oneself is always an option, as *"failing doesn't mean quitting it means try again and again and again."*
## Implications & Consequences
- The ability to achieve balance is directly correlated with the capacity for sustained personal reinvention and overcoming profound despair.
- The failure to act or persist is framed as the ultimate failure, as it is solely the individual's responsibility.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"we all wear a mask once we get out of our homes and comfort zones to cover up the real us why because we're all afraid of being judged"*
- *"balance is not something we have or we find it's something we create"*
- *"the moment that changed his life."* (Note: This phrase was used in the reference example, but the speaker used similar phrasing related to her daughter saving her life).
- *"how am i going to leave her in this cruel world how am i not going to be there when she cries"*
- *"I was looking for guidance everywhere i was searching for balance but the problem was i couldn't find it"*
- *"i started waking up every single morning at 5 00 am go for an hour walk run while listening to motivational speeches and then another hour meditate every single day"*
- *"by filtering yourself in such way helps your mind and soul to clear up you start building accepting and loving this new you"*
- *"no that's not working yeah"*
- *"the will was much bigger and stronger than the fear"*
- *"a good day is a good day and a bad day is a good story"*