Leading with Kindness | Kamil Majeed | TEDxGCULahore
Leading with kindness is achievable because it requires adopting servant leadership, which centers on empowering others by providing opportunities rather than asserting authority, as exemplified by the speaker's advice on the 'T.H.I.N.K. K.' framework. The speaker argues that genuine leadership shifts from heroic displays of knowledge to fostering deep trust through acts of kindness, which are both personal and professional. This transformation is illustrated by the concept of Servant Leadership, which guides a leader to provide access to possibilities and clarity, ultimately building relationships based on mutual appreciation.
## Speakers & Context
- Unnamed speaker (presenting workshop/lecture).
- Discussing the relationship between leadership and kindness.
- Consulted with a senior leader in Pakistan, referred to as Mr Zen.
- Acknowledges that the concept of kindness can be a weakness due to past manipulation.
## Theses & Positions
- Leading with kindness is possible and actionable.
- Effective leadership requires building *trust*, which is necessary for high-performing teams, strong interpersonal relationships, and talent retention.
- True leadership is not about being a hero or having all the answers; it's about *servant leadership*.
- Servant leadership means providing "access to possibilities," "access to ideas," "access to perspectives," and resulting in "Clarity."
- The biggest superpower in the world is *kindness*, which can be both an act and a choice.
- Kindness in the personal domain is defined as "adding value to someone's life without expecting anything in return."
- A leader's path to kindness involves three steps: creating a safe space, bringing clarity, and acknowledging contributions.
- Leading with kindness is complementary to other necessary leadership traits: *Integrity, compassion, awareness, responsibility, empathy*, and *action*.
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Servant Leadership:** A concept where a leader is not supposed to have all the answers but is instead meant to provide access to possibilities, ideas, perspectives, and clarity.
- **Kindness (Personal Domain):** The act of adding value to someone's life without expecting any return or payoff; a shift from expecting to accepting.
- **Kindness (Professional Domain):** A structured approach for leaders to support employees, involving creating safety, providing clarity, and acknowledging work.
- **Trust:** The prerequisite element needed to build high-performing teams and great interpersonal relationships.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **The Coaching Conversation (Mr Zen):**
- Initial assumption of authority: Asking what the leader wants from the team (e.g., compliance).
- Pivotal challenge: If the team leaves, the leader must make a list of demands and *be that list*, which leads to developing *trust*.
- **The Leader's Path to Kindness (Three Steps):**
1. **Create a Safe Space:** By listening, allowing the person to create their world/experience, and asking questions about challenges and needs. Requires the leader to first "seek to understand and then be understood," counteracting ego.
2. **Bring Clarity:** Involves clearing both the company's vision and the individual's vision (where they are, where they are, where they want to go). Requires a "process oriented approach" rather than just talking about it.
3. **Acknowledge People for their Contribution:** Requires asking for permission ("May I give you a compliment?"), then explaining *what* was observed and *why* it made a difference.
- **Mindful Response Framework (T.H.I.N.K. K.):** A tool to think before speaking:
* **T:** Is it true?
* **H:** Is it helpful?
* **I:** Should I be saying it in the first place?
* **N:** Is now a good time to say it?
* **K:** Is it kind for me to say what I'm saying?
## Timeline & Sequence
- Current conversation structure: Exploring synergy between leadership and kindness.
- Sequence in the Professional Domain:
1. Create a safe space $\rightarrow$ 2. Bring Clarity $\rightarrow$ 3. Acknowledge people's contribution.
## Named Entities
- Mr Zen — A senior leader in Pakistan.
## Numbers & Data
- Three simple steps for the leader's path to kindness.
## Examples & Cases
- **The Coaching Scenario:** The leader's assumption of needing compliance vs. the realization that *trust* is what truly matters.
- **Heroic Leadership Imagery:** Visual reference to a hero struggling to save people while the people look at each other.
- **The School Principal Example (Process Clarity):** A teacher expressed anxiety that 3-year-olds would forget lines on stage. The speaker advised, "believe in the process," leading to the child forgetting lines but the audience celebrating the courage.
- **Deep Acknowledgement Example:** The compliment structure: "May I give you a compliment..." followed by specific, observable contributions.
- **Award Moment:** Instead of receiving a certificate, the child gave the speaker "a big hug and whispered in my ears you are the best principal."
## Tools, Tech & Products
- **T.H.I.N.K. K.:** An acronym tool for considering speech before speaking.
## References Cited
- *Business Review* research suggesting employee turnover relates more to relationships than economics.
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- **Initial Personal Hesitation:** The speaker admits kindness has previously been used against them ("they've used me and manipulated me").
- **Leadership Hard Choices:** Acknowledging that leaders sometimes "have to take important decisions" and "hold people responsible and accountable."
## Methodology
- Coaching session methodology with Mr Zen used to establish the theoretical foundation for servant leadership.
- The process of modeling a mindful response using the T.H.I.N.K. K. acronym.
- Applying the Three-Step model (Safe Space $\rightarrow$ Clarity $\rightarrow$ Acknowledgement) to leadership practice.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- Leading with kindness is not just possible, but it is "actionable" alongside integrity, compassion, awareness, responsibility, empathy, and action.
- Final recommendation: To strive for the opportunity to have "one person tell you that you have inspired their lives."
## Implications & Consequences
- The greatest reward for practicing kindness and appreciation is a "deep sense of happiness."
- Failure to build trust results in people not wanting to *thrive*, but simply wanting to *survive*, which undermines the leader's vision.
## Verbatim Moments
- *"I want to establish my authority."* (Mr Zen)
- *"they're not even looking at the direction where the leader wants to take them and they're not even looking at the leader they're actually looking at each other and the plight of their suffering"*
- *"they don't want to survive they want to thrive"*
- *"it is actually about being a servant"*
- *"the reward of kindness is kindness itself"*
- *"it is about gauging your involvement not theirs"*
- *"The leader creates a safe space,"* *"the leader brings Clarity,"* *"the leader acknowledges people for their contribution."*
- *"T stands for what I'm about to say is it true H stands for what I'm about to say is it helpful I stands for what I'm saying should I be saying it in the first place n stands for is now a good time to say it and K stands for is it kind for me to say what I'm saying"*
- *"I looked at her and I told her believe in the process"*
- *"May I give you a compliment and you'll see a big smile on the person's face"*
- *"you are the best principal ever"*