Leading with Kindness | Kamil Majeed | TEDxGCULahore
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHHkd5BmosM Video ID: tHHkd5BmosM ============================================================ [Applause] I'm really excited to talk about two things that don't really seem to go that well together leadership and kindness the idea behind this talk is to explore the potential synergies between the two and to show that leading with kindness is actually possible which brings me to a con ation that I was having with a very senior leader here in Pakistan for E sake let's call him Mr Zen so at a coaching session I asked Zen my trademark question what do you want as a leader I want to establish my authority he said hm why do you want that I want that so that my team listens to me understands me and follows my instructions great have you effectively communicated this to them I asked him yes I have what happened then they're leaving the company what should I do make a list of all of the things that you want from them and be that list so you listen to them you understand them and you follow their instructions what I can assure you that if you do this it's going to be a painfully rewarding experience it's going to be rewarding because as a leader you will develop a thing called trust and trust is what is needed to develop High performing teams trust is what is needed to create great interpersonal relationships and trust is what is what is needed to retain the best talent according to how Business Review research suggests that the recent wave in employee turnover has very less to do with economics and more to do with relationships particularly the lack of them I get what you're saying but how is this a painful experience then H it's a painful experience because you'll have to unlearn all of the things that you have been taught about leadership the idea that leadership is about heroics the idea that leadership is about having all of the answers and the idea that leadership is about saving people if you don't believe me Google leadership and you will find this image of a person who's a hero a person who has all of the answers and a person who is trying to save the people however if you have a look at the people they're not even looking at the direction where the leader wants to take them and they're not even looking at the leader they're actually looking at each other and the plight of their suffering holding the weight of the instructions that the leader is telling them if this keeps on happening what happens is what is happening to Mr Zen they leave the company because these people don't want to survive they want to thrive and this world gives them all of the opportunities to do so in the second case they bring the leader down and there goes the vision and the idea of leadership great I get what you're saying what should I do what you need to do is understand the concept of servant leadership in the concept of servant leadership it is not about being a hero it is actually about being a servant in the concept of servant leadership you're not supposed to have all of the answers what you're supposed to have is access access to possibil ities access to ideas access to perspectives and most importantly access that results in Clarity in the concept of servant leadership you are never saving people you are empowering them by providing them the right conditions and the environment for them to effectively and efficiently do their job in the world of servant leadership it is not about you it is about them in this world most importantly it is about gauging your involvement not theirs and in this world your biggest superpower is a thing called kindness but that's my biggest weakness he said whenever I've been kind to people they've used me and manipulated me and there was an awkward silence just like this and that got me thinking how can one person's superpower be the other person's biggest weakness for that we will have to understand the concept of kindness into two domains first is the personal domain and the second is the professional domain generally things that don't work out in the personal domain we don't really make an effort to see how and what they would look like in the professional domain and a lot of the times when it's not working out we don't really see whether it's really the concept that's all working out or our interpretation of the concept so to talk about the idea of kindness in the personal domain it is about adding value to someone's life without expecting anything in return without expecting a payoff it is a shift from expecting to accepting things situations and people for who they are and who they are not kindness is an act it's a choice and it is transformational what we are practicing in our personal domains and the feeling of being used and manipulated is because we're expecting something in return that is manipulation that is faking kindness because the reward of kindness is kindness itself I say this because when you couple up kindness with a thing called appreciation being grateful you will experience a feeling of fulfillment and if you keep on practicing this magic formula over and over again you will experience a deep sense of happiness for an idea worth sharing since all of us can be kind and have the ability to appreciate all of us have access to happiness so this is what kindness looks like in the personal domain can everybody see that if we can see that we will move to the professional domain in the professional domain I'd like to present the leader's path to kindness which has three simple steps in the first step the leader creates a safe space in the Second Step the leader brings Clarity in the third the leader acknowledges people for their contribution so in the first step how do you create a safe space firstly you listen to people you allow them to create their world you experience their world and then you ask them questions what are the challenges you're facing what support do you need what did you learn that makes your listening even more clear and you get all of the information then you first need to seek to understand and then be understood a lot of the times it is the leader's pride and ego which does not allow him to understand first where the person is coming from and in the third and most important step of creating a safe space you respond mindfully you think before you speak I said this to one of my employees and she took it as an insult I always think before I speak what do you mean by that what I meant is basically think stands for an acronym where T stands for what I'm about to say is it true H stands for what I'm about to say is it helpful I stands for what I'm saying should I be saying it in the first place n stands for is now a good time to say it and generally 8: a.m. in the morning for a non-urgent issue is not a good time and K stands for is it kind for me to say what I'm saying so yes we need to think before we speak in the Second Step the leader brings Clarity Clarity to the journey leading to the Final Destination how does he bring that Clarity he clears the vision of the company and his own Vision this is who we are this is where we at and this is where we want to go then he takes the people on the journey he clears the tasks how do you do that what is the task you explain it why isn't it more because the Y determines the how and how is it done thirdly in the domain of bringing Clarity what the leader does is he follows a process oriented approach he makes the process clear he surrenders to the process instead of me talking about it I'd rather give you an example I'm the principal of a school where half of the population is between the age range of 3 to 5 years we were scheduled to have an event where these children actually the youngest of the lot the three-year-olds was supposed to go on the stage for the very first time one of my best teachers in the play group came to me and said I'm really anxious because I have a feeling that over the the past month whatever they've been preparing they'll forget the lines when they go on the stage what should I do I looked at her and I told her believe in the process what you're thinking is exactly what's going to happen and when it happens just be there for the child and celebrate it that's exactly what happened the child went on the stage forgot the lines and the teacher was right there with him and the whole audience celebrated the fact that the child had the courage to face all of his fears and stand right there on the stage for the very first [Applause] time this is what the beauty of having a process oriented approach looks like in the third step the leader acknowledges the contributions of the people this is deep and sincere acknowledgement what this looks like is first the leader asks for permission may I give you a compliment and then he explains what is the acknowledgement and why has that made a difference it looks something like this may I give you a compliment and you'll see a big smile on the person's face the work that you've been doing over the past month I've observed is adding a great amount of value to our offering I've talked to the manager as well she said you're making a real difference it is because of your efforts that our academic offering is strong and div worse and the students are happy learning because of which the parents are happy thank you we couldn't have done this without you this is what deep acknowledgement looks like what I can assure you is that if you follow this Leader's path to kindness God the universe Karma whatever you believe in is going to reward you in the most profound of ways this is what my award looked [Applause] like this was a preschool graduation ceremony and instead of receiving a certificate the child came up and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ears you are the best principal [Applause] ever that was one of the most profound moments in my life and I credit it all to a concept called [Applause] kindness yes it's very touching and I get all of the things that you're saying said Mr Zen but at times you know as a leader you have to take important decisions you know you really have to make and hold people responsible and accountable you have to practice Integrity yes and the idea of this conversation with Mr Zen and the idea of this conversation here is to show that leading with kindness is not just possible but it is also actionable along with leading with Integrity leading with compassion leading with awareness leading with responsibility leading with empathy and most importantly leading with action and I'm telling you all of these things because I care my wish for you is the opportunity to have one person tell you that you have inspired their lives be kind thank you [Applause]