Finding the Beauty in Your Scars | Audra Bryant | TEDxInglewood
The speaker argues that embracing one's scars, both visible and internal, is necessary for true self-worth and the ability to help others feel seen. This journey involved recognizing the need to move past hiding behaviors, as illustrated by her personal experience of feeling disconnected until she realized her scars were permanent and required an internal shift. The speaker outlines a three-step process: acknowledge, embrace, and become empowered by one's scars.
## Speakers & Context
- Speaker is an individual sharing personal narrative regarding body image and self-acceptance.
- The discussion centers on the concept of beauty and the difficulty of being fully seen.
## Theses & Positions
- The concept of beauty is personally challenging to the speaker.
- The inability to be seen was tied to a physical inability to view herself due to scars.
- The speaker eventually realized that her scars would not change location, necessitating an internal shift ("So I had to change").
- Embracing scars is crucial because one cannot help others feel seen if one hasn't first looked at oneself.
- Scars, both external and internal, can be transformed into a "superpower."
- "You deserve your destiny. You deserve to be loved, scars and all."
## Concepts & Definitions
- **Hidden scars:** Physical scars that can be covered up by clothing.
- **Lifestyle of hiding:** Developing routines like stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around oneself, bypassing mirrors, and then putting clothes on before viewing oneself.
- **Emotional scars:** Unnamed internal wounds or struggles.
- **To be seen:** The challenge related to one's identity and visibility.
## Mechanisms & Processes
- **Self-concealment:** Using physical barriers (t-shirts, turtlenecks) to hide scars.
- **Emotional processing:** A shift from attempting to eliminate physical scars (surgeries, acid treatments) to accepting them as a permanent reality, forcing a focus on internal change.
- **Healing progression:** The process of looking at one's own reflection progressed from quick glances to lingering looks.
- **Empowerment mechanism:** Using art (writing/drawing) or shared experience to externalize vulnerability.
## Timeline & Sequence
- **18 months old:** Burned.
- **25:** First time looking at herself in a mirror.
- **Childhood (around age 3):** First learned to hide scars in ballet class due to visible unitard neckline.
- **Adolescence/Early 20s:** Encountering feelings of disconnection regarding physical intimacy (boyfriend's kiss at prom season).
- **Age 25:** Having a conversation with God which prompted the realization about scars.
- **Process of looking at self:** Started with quick glances, evolved into lingering looks (over about six months).
- **Writing/Song creation:** Took about ten years to write a song reflecting vulnerability.
## Named Entities
- Tina Turner: Idol whose fierceness and femininity inspired the speaker.
- Angela Bassett: Actress known for her portrayal of Tina Turner in the film *“What’s Love got to do with it?”*
## Numbers & Data
- Age of initial burn: **18 months old**.
- Age of first self-reflection: **25**.
- Age when learning to hide scars in ballet: **three years old**.
- Frequency of "Why me?" conversations with God: Occurred around the time she was **25**.
- Timeframe for gradual acceptance in the mirror: **six month** process.
- Duration to write the song: **ten years**.
## Examples & Cases
- **Ballet incident:** Required wearing a unitard with a scoop neck, leading the teacher/peers to comment, *"Eww! What’s that? What happened to you? Does it hurt?"* Leading to quitting dance class.
- **Physical alteration attempts:** Undergoing multiple surgeries, wearing compression vests, and having acid treatments applied to scars.
- **Inspiration sources:** Singing in the hallway mirror to songs like *"Nutbush City Limits"* and *"Rock Me Baby"* to emulate Tina Turner's boldness.
- **Intimacy discomfort:** Feeling a boyfriend's gentle kiss "like torture" because she was "disconnected from my body."
- **The realization:** The divine guidance stating, *“everybody has scars. Some on the outside and some on the inside.”*
- **Application of principles:** Using the *“I have scars, baby. I’ve got flaws, baby…”* song structure.
- **Sharing experience:** Using writing or drawing to express vulnerability, as shown by writing the song.
## Tools, Tech & Products
- T-shirts and turtlenecks: Used as physical means of concealment.
- Unitard: Required ballet attire with a visible scoop neck.
- Compression vests, injections, acid treatments: Medical tools/treatments used to attempt scar elimination.
- Mirror: Used both as a point of anxiety and a tool for self-exploration.
## References Cited
- The song: *“I have scars, baby. I’ve got flaws, baby. I’m trying to break down these walls, baby But tell me, am I still beautiful?”*
- The song: *“Nutbush City Limits.”*
- The song: *“Rock Me Baby.”*
## Counterarguments & Caveats
- The initial belief that the scars were temporary or fixable through medical intervention (surgeries, acid treatments).
- The initial difficulty in accepting the self, feeling a disconnect from one's body when loved.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
- **Three Steps:**
1. **Acknowledge:** Being honest about unhealthy patterns (e.g., tugging on shirts, avoiding reflections).
2. **Embrace:** Examining the "mirror of your life" through therapy, coaching, journaling, or prayer.
3. **Empower:** Allowing others to see the real self, leading to acts of visible assistance (like sharing the song).
- **Final Call to Action:** Asking the audience, *"What scars have you been hiding? What mirrors have you been avoiding?"*
- **Overarching message:** *"Scars make you beautiful."*
## Verbatim Moments
- *"I’ve got scars, baby. I’ve got flaws, baby. I’m trying to break down these walls, baby But tell me, am I still beautiful?"*
- *"I didn’t look at myself in the mirror until I was 25, because I didn't want to see my scars."*
- *"I actually developed a lifestyle of hiding."*
- *"Eww! What’s that? What happened to you? Does it hurt?"*
- *"I begged my mom to ask my teacher if I could wear a t-shirt over my unitard."*
- *"But what I couldn’t fully understand is how I felt so comfortable hiding myself, but at the same time I felt drawn to the stage."*
- *"What’s Love got to do with it?"*
- *"God said: “Audra, everybody has scars. Some on the outside and some on the inside”."*
- *"Whoa! whoa! How are you going to help someone else if you won’t even look at yourself in the mirror?"*
- *"And God was like: “Whoa! whoa! How are you going to help someone else if you won’t even look at yourself in the mirror?"*
- *"Step one: acknowledge your scars."*
- *"Step two: embrace your scars."*
- *"Step three: become empowered by your scars."*
- *"What scars have you been hiding? What mirrors have you been avoiding?"*
- *"You gotta be it. Scars make you beautiful."*