Finding the Beauty in Your Scars | Audra Bryant | TEDxInglewood
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOMh1txEkBY Video ID: wOMh1txEkBY ============================================================ Transcriber: Micol Mazzarolo Reviewer: Parvathi Pappu [Cheering and applause] I’ve got scars, baby. I’ve got flaws, baby. I’m trying to break down these walls, baby But tell me, am I still beautiful? Beautiful? The concept of beauty has always been a challenge for me. The idea of being seen at all has been a challenge for me. At one point in time, you never would have seen me wearing anything like this, because I didn’t want all of me to be seen. I was burned at 18 months old, and I didn’t look at myself in the mirror until I was 25, because I didn't want to see my scars. I have what they call a hidden scars because I can cover mine up. And that’s exactly what I did with t-shirts and turtlenecks. I actually developed a lifestyle of hiding. Meaning step out of the shower, wrap a towel around myself, completely bypass mirrors, put my clothes on, and then go look at myself. And I remember where I first learned to hide. I was about three years old in ballet class. Now, up until this point, no one had seen my scars except for my parents and my doctors. But in ballet, we had to wear a unitard and had a scoop neck, and you could see the top portion very clearly. And as soon as I stepped in the class, the first thing I heard was: “Eww! What’s that? What happened to you? Does it hurt?” I was mortified. I begged my mom to ask my teacher if I could wear a t-shirt over my unitard. But my teacher wanted us all to be in uniform, so I quit dance class. From then on, I did everything I could to get rid of my scars. I had several surgeries, wore compression vests, had injections, had acid treatments. Meaning the doctor would apply acid to my scars, it would burn and I would lay there for as long as I could stand the pain. Yeah, I did everything I could to get rid of them. But what I couldn’t fully understand is how I felt so comfortable hiding myself, but at the same time I felt drawn to the stage. As a child, I loved Tina Turner. I loved her fierceness and her femininity and Angela Bassett's portrayal of her in the film “What’s Love got to do with it?” You could catch me in my hallway mirror singing into my hairbrush. Of course, songs like Nutbush City Limits and Rock Me Baby. Now, I was probably too young to be singing Rock Me Baby, but don't judge me. I wanted to be like Tina and be bold on stage. But something inside made me feel like I couldn’t really be like Tina because of my scars. As a teenager, one of the most exciting times was prom season. All the girls around me were so excited to go dress shopping, but not me. And I think you know why. In my early 20s, my boyfriend at the time told me he loved me for the very first time and he kissed me gently right here. And I cringed. It felt like he was violating me. I was so disconnected from my body that his gesture of love felt like torture. At the age of 25, I was having another one of my “Why me?” conversations with God when I felt like God said: “Audra, everybody has scars. Some on the outside and some on the inside”. And that was the first time that I didn’t feel alone when it came to my scars. And so I said: “Okay, well, let me get on out there and help someone else and encourage someone!” And God was like: “Whoa! whoa! whoa! How are you going to help someone else if you won’t even look at yourself in the mirror? And I couldn't argue with that. How can I help someone else feel seen if I won't even look at myself? It was then that I realized that my scars weren’t going anywhere. Meaning my circumstances weren’t changing. So I had to change. And here are three steps that have helped me to turn my scars into my superpower. And these apply to both external and internal scars. Step one: acknowledge your scars. Be honest about the unhealthy patterns in your life, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I had to finally admit that my behavior was a bit strange tugging on my shirts, avoiding my reflection, and constantly hiding myself was unhealthy. Step two: embrace your scars. Examine the mirror of your life. Looking at myself for the first time was about a six month process. It started with quick glances, which eventually turned into lingering looks. You can explore and embrace emotional scars through therapy, coaching, journaling, prayer. Step three: become empowered by your scars. Let people see the real you. You have no idea how much you can help someone just by your example. I started with a song that I shared with you. Now it took me about ten years before I felt healed enough to write it, but I did. Writing or drawing can help you to express your vulnerability, or by simply sharing your experience with someone who could use the encouragement. So how about you? What scars have you been hiding? What mirrors have you been avoiding? Maybe it was something that happened to you when you were six years old. Maybe it was a divorce or a physical difference. Whatever it is, you're not alone. Because everybody has scars. Some on the outside and some on the inside And you deserve your destiny. You deserve to be loved, scars and all. But that begins with you. Because you truly are beautiful. I know you see it, I know you feel it. You gotta be it. Scars make you beautiful. I know you see it, I know you feel it. You gotta be it ’cause your scars make you beautiful. Thank you. [Applause]