Accelerating Hope: The Power of the Witness | Anne Devereux-Mills | TEDxSouthLakeTahoe
## Speaker Context
* Speaker establishes framing by asking, "so what do you do when the world comes crashing down around you...?"
* Speaker narrates a personal history of overcoming professional, marital, and health crises.
## People
* Lauren: Older daughter, heading to college in LA.
* David: Long-distance boyfriend who became the speaker's husband; suggested moving to San Francisco.
* Kira: Speaker's younger daughter, who was dropped off at Tulane.
* Tamsin Smith: Friend of the speaker, a poet and an artist, who led an early discussion group.
* Hannah Manfredi: Mindfulness practitioner, age 27, who created a program to teach mindfulness in inner-city schools.
* Joy Gordon: Worldwide CEO of Dress for Success, who spoke about her personal journey.
* Ivey Wolfe Turk: Woman who was recently in prison, who created Project Reformation.
* Dr. Serena Chen: Research professor at Berkeley, who conducted the quantitative study.
## Organizations
* Memorial Sloan-Kettering: Hospital associated with the speaker's cancer diagnosis.
* Aspen Institute: Institution where the speaker was a fellow.
* Henry Crowe fellow: Fellowship the speaker was awarded.
* Tulane: College where the speaker's daughter Kira was dropped off.
* Dress for Success: Organization led by Joy Gordon, focused on assisting women.
* Project Reformation: Organization created by Ivey Wolfe Turk, helping women returning to society after prison.
* Berkeley: University where the speaker found Dr. Serena Chen.
## Places
* Los Angeles (LA): Location where the speaker's older daughter was heading to college.
* Uganda: Location where a reporter did research on a small town affected by AIDS or malaria.
* Madison Avenue: Street through which the speaker walked after her surgery.
* Central Park: Park where the speaker sat after leaving the hospital.
* Seattle: City where the speaker had grown up.
* San Francisco: City to which the speaker moved to start a new life.
* New Jersey: Location where the speaker got up at 4:45 in the morning to drive to work.
* Manhattan: Location the speaker drove into from New Jersey.
* Cambodia: Country where the speaker mentored a young woman from a survivor family.
* 7-Eleven: Store where the "witness" example occurred.
## Tools, Tech & Products
* Cell phone: Device used when the speaker received the call from Memorial Sloan-Kettering.
## Concepts & Definitions
* Parlay: A term originally in gambling meaning the bet is greater when multiple people are in it together; speaker co-opts it to mean a compounding, cascading effect of positive action.
* Parlay Effect: The concept that if one person acts outwardly with care and initiates action, it will create a cascade where other connected people follow, leading to change that seemed individually impossible.
* Space in between: The time period after everything familiar and before something yet undefined; described as painful.
* Values based leadership: A topic discussed in the program at the Aspen Institute.
* TOEFL exam: English as a second language exam that the speaker mentored a young woman to take.
## Numbers & Data
* 40: Age when the speaker first faced the confluence of marriage trouble, career growth, and cancer diagnosis.
* Two: Number of young daughters the speaker was the mother of.
* Three: Number of daughters the speaker is one of.
* Five: Number of years the speaker spent at Wellesley College.
* 4: Number of quarters of relationship quality the speaker stated she was looking for (not a hundred pennies).
* 12: Number of women who attended the first gathering in the speaker's home in San Francisco.
* 20: Minimum age of the women who attended the early gatherings.
* 80: Maximum age of the women who attended the early gatherings.
* 19: Number of other super high-performing young people in the program at the Aspen Institute.
* 50: Age when the speaker was planning to start a new life in San Francisco.
* 4: Number of close friends who visited or followed up with the speaker in the hospital.
* 7:30: Time the speaker arrived at the office in Manhattan.
* 4:45: Time the speaker got up in New Jersey.
* 27: Age of Hannah Manfredi.
* 3,000: Number of women who came to content based events at the speaker's home.
## Claims & Theses
* The speaker claims that the world feels like it's crashing down due to global warming, gun violence, incredible poverty, and widening gaps between rich and poor.
* Speaker asserts that defining oneself by one's profession, mothering, or daughterhood is insufficient for defining one's worth.
* Speaker claims that relationships based on what one can do for someone are transactional.
* Speaker asserts that the capacity to initiate positive action creates a cascade of support.
* Speaker claims that the third bucket (witnesses) provides evidence of "power of the witness."
* Speaker concludes that the mechanism is not just "pay it forward" but "pay it outward," calling it the parlay effect.
## Mechanisms & Processes
* Process of founding CEO: Involved downsizing, right-sizing, and managing a turnaround during a recession.
* Mechanism of early connection (Aspen Institute): Reading classics, listening to music, or sharing a common experience to find common truths and safety/trust.
* Mechanism of the parlay house gatherings: Developing deep, candid, and supportive conversations among women in transition.
* Mechanism of the parlay effect: An overt action of care creates a cascade where others follow and contribute, leading to collective, previously impossible change.
## Timeline & Events
* "When I was about 40": Speaker experienced difficult marriage, mothering two daughters, career building, and cancer diagnosis concurrently.
* "When my older daughter Lauren was heading off to college": Speaker's career was blossoming, and she was asked to be a CEO of a turnaround company.
* "When I was being interviewed by a reporter...": Reporter was researching a small town in Uganda where parents died of AIDS or malaria or left or were in jail.
* "When I got on the plane and I fly home": Speaker traveled home after her diagnosis.
* "The next month": The speaker's group gathering grew to 40 women.
* "The next month": The group size reached 80 women.
* "The second event in New York": The event featuring Joy Gordon.
* "Lately": Time when the speaker was researching the parlay effect with Dr. Serena Chen.
## Examples & Cases
* Personal Crisis Example: Speaker managing difficult marriage, mothering two daughters, career building, and cancer diagnosis simultaneously when around age 40.
* Ugandan Town Example: A small town in Uganda where almost all parents had died of AIDS or malaria or left or were in jail, which drew the speaker's attention.
* Career Pivot Example: Being asked to move from an entrepreneurial/startup role to a CEO of a turnaround company during a recession.
* Initial Support Example: Speaker being supported by a long-distance boyfriend who came with her to the surgery and who encouraged her.
* Healing Activity Example: Watching Al Pacino in The Merchant of Venice while sitting on hard park benches in Central Park after hospital discharge.
* Aspen Institute Experience: Participating in a program with 19 other super high-performing young people where discussions were based on common experiences.
* Early Gathering Example: Hosting the first 12 women in San Francisco for deep conversation.
* Cynthia Example: The speaker mentoring a young woman in Cambodia who was a first-generation college student after surviving genocide, who then took the TOEFL exam.
* Professional Support Example: The speaker meeting Hannah Manfredi, a mindfulness practitioner, who helped the student with coping mechanisms for the TOEFL exam.
* Community Support Example: The speaker connecting a student (Cyrillic) who used math skills to become a math tutor, continuing the chain reaction.
* Prison Release Example: A woman (Ivey Wolfe Turk) who stated she wanted to be part of a safe community after getting out of prison and was helped by Joy Gordon's team.
* Witness Example (7-Eleven): A witness saw a man hand an extra sandwich to homeless people at 7-Eleven, which inspired the witness to do the same.
## Trade-offs & Alternatives
* Trade-off between career focus vs. community mission: Speaker had to choose between the lucrative turnaround CEO role and joining the mission to start a school in Africa.
* Trade-off in self-definition: Being defined by profession/family role versus being defined by inner self/resilience ("who are you?").
* Trade-off in networking: Relationships based on transactional utility versus genuine, nurturing connection.
* Alternative approach to change: Paying it forward (suggested approach) vs. Paying it outward (the speaker's conclusion).
## Counterarguments & Caveats
* The speaker cautions that her desire to prove she was still alive initially was a coping mechanism.
* The speaker acknowledges that she initially doubted her ability to write about the phenomenon, stating, "I don't have science."
* The speaker notes that the early gathering participants had no pre-existing connection: "before the days of me too before we were told to lean in this was a time when there was not a space for women to connect with women who were not like them."
## Methodology
* Quantitative study: Conducted with Dr. Serena Chen at Berkeley.
* Survey grouping: Surveyed strangers and bucketed responses into three groups:
* The Givers: People who initiated cascades based on their natural abilities/superpowers (e.g., Hannah, Joy).
* The Receivers: People who recounted a time someone made them feel seen.
* Witnesses: People who recounted stories of others without personally generating or receiving the help.
## References Cited
* The Merchant of Venice: Play whose performance was watched in Central Park.
* Aristotle: Implied in the concept of "common truths" derived from shared experiences.
* Wellesley College: Institution attended by the speaker for four years.
## Conclusions & Recommendations
* The speaker recommends that the "parlay effect" model be recognized as a mechanism for societal change.
* Speaker advises the audience to understand that change comes from "pay[ing] it outward," initiating an overt act of care.
* Speaker suggests that this effect shows "we have the potential to make the change that each of us as individuals we thought was impossible."
## Implications & Consequences
* If the parlay effect is true, then individual acts of visible care can trigger widespread, collaborative positive social change.
* If individuals are defined solely by their roles, they are vulnerable when those roles are removed (as shown by the speaker losing her job).
* If the witness bucket is valid, then observing small acts of kindness is as important to understanding change as performing or receiving them.
## Open Questions
* What is the mechanism required to consistently facilitate these "parlay house" type of gatherings?
* How can the parlay effect be scaled globally beyond local, personal networks?
## Verbatim Moments
* "so what do you do when the world comes crashing down around you..."
* "one small thing one step at a time my girls and I got through it"
* "your story is way more interesting than a story about a turn around CEO during recession"
* "I call it the time of the space in between"
* "I'm looking for four quarters not a hundred pennies"
* "it's a fan-like effect"
* "It's not just pay it forward it's pay it outward"
* "the power of the witness"