TEDxEuclidAve - Brandon Young - The Condom Corp
hello everyone um I've seen many lectures in this building um through the ATC program through the Berkeley Center for New Media so I just want to thank am moju and the rest of the uh the organizers of tedex because it's a great honor to be up here and to perform for you um so in a lot of different films a lot of different modern media there's the concept of the global evil Corporation and the evil CEO of that Corporation and I wanted to parody that in a piece in your local convenience store you will find some of our products marked for his pleasure and for her pleasure some of our customers ask us can you put the his pleasure condom inside the her pleasure condom so we can both have pleasure I tell them no that the latex will damage itself and that they'll fall apart so they ask me can you combine the two condoms into one I tell them that pleasure is a balancing act walking on heels in the edge of a sword push and pull give and take silk and voltage it is not simply a bottle to be popped we know from experience We Are Scientists the men and women behind condoms and we have been innovators from the earliest intestin to the latest in latex and we have a skin for every kind of animal there are sheep skin condoms for those who like sensitivity there are bear skin condoms for those who like luxury there are sharkin condoms for those who like it rough there are even condoms for uh there are even condoms made from the proteins the feathers of bald eagles we know they're endangered but we think you like the feeling of Freedom as much as we do but we are not simply butchers taking animals and turning them into Bloon animals when we discover that the greatest human Joy can be caught inside a piece of rubber it was easy to make other traps we have taken your childhood dreams and turned them into a condom called Disney we have taken your waking nightmares and turned them and turned them into a condom called Dar for because a condom is not a piece of latex or sheep skin a condom is a layer that stands between you and something you want and we know what you want you'll have to go through us to get it Maring 101 sex sells when she show C cups at the seashore we sell sex to the 7-Eleven sex sells and we sell sex and sex sells well and with every sale our influence grows thanks to us there is no love without Disney no hate without Hitler no ignorance without Fox no sex without condoms you can't think of these things without the concepts that we've made for you it's not crazy it's just branding young or old we have a brand for you we have built a gate between you and happiness and we charge you admission but we are not in it for the money we are trying to make you perfect at least by our definition we're condom makers we want to give Adam back his ribs we want to give Eve back her snake we read the Bible from right to left as if it were written in Hebrew starting with lust and ending with creation I'm not a Catholic obviously but I see see a certain spirituality about this I believe you live on through your work do not be deceived we are nothing more or less than condom makers and we are in control in the name of safety we have placed our name on your most intimate spaces and no one is safe thank [Applause] you um this last one I wrote In order to um send good wishes to people that are going out into the world as um future innovators as future entrepreneurs I wanted to wish you well in modern day Farms incubated eggs Move Along conveyor belts through heers until they hatch when they do the newly hatched chick fall through gaps from conveyor belt officially separating egg from chick now I am a chick and you are a chick and we are two of the baddest chicks to ever break Shel together I do not regret a single kick a single pet a single flicker of curiosity about the world beyond that white wall we are told if you knock you shall be answered so you knock and you knock and you knock Until That Wall comes down the world outside may drop you to the bars of your own prison or it may force you to fly and if those chicken wings give you any lift may you find a window may it take you to a place that is all green grass and sun because you are Travelers born in rooms too small for you and you deserve nothing less than to find a place to call home thank you [Applause]