"Enlighten your ""bulbs"" of refusal | Amanda Wang | TEDxRCF School Youth"
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRlxsos3l3s Video ID: HRlxsos3l3s ============================================================ fore [Music] [Music] [Applause] hello as we all know the mission for tedex is to discover and spread ideas that spark conversation deeper understanding and dve for change we all have different experiences in life just like troubling to different places each experience brings us a unique feeling some are happy some are sad some make us feel reluctant and some Le argents but it is these challenges that teach us to persevere and be brave this year we've got thousands of ucats for this event a lot more than the specific amount of the previous with the popularization of p in our school we hear more voices from our spreading their passion thanks to tedex our ideas are present to connect the world with us today there will be eight speakers to share their life Journeys long story short let's welcome the first Speaker Amanda W from age 2023 [Music] [Applause] [Applause] have you ever find yourself torn between pleasing others or prioritizing your own needs imagine this just a week before your being T let's say toos or SATs or whatever the principal found you and said we've got work for our prominent student this year and I want to recommend you as a school representative you want to attend in this kind of scenario what would you choose agree or disagree I mean if you agree then the principal would undoubtedly have a better impression of you but simultaneously you would just lose the time to get better prepared for your test but conversely what if you disagree how will the principal think of you is she going to be matter to disappointed struggling to decide right I faced this kind of dilemma many times throughout the past few years of my school life when teachers or friends just constantly ask me to take on responsibilities right before my big events it's conspicuous that those schedu stuff are a lot more important to me but I still waver and each time I hesitated the pressures you bu like will they get sick of me whatever is their trust just because of that I almost agree with with all of them no matter how tired or a bustle I was so I just ended up swam and it was super super killing I can tell so how to get um if saying no to people consumes a lot of your energy or you are just constantly overwhelmed by the simple question agree or disagree then you probably are a people pleaser and if you are you can tell it's feels extremely uncomfortable sometimes because you need to complete tasks that you origin didn't want to do which would obviously squander a lot of your time and efforts so how to get rid of the label people pleaser to fix this up we firstly need to understand something about the underlying Logics of how we became a people pleaser according to psychologist Harriet breaker the mentary reason of becoming a people pleaser can be unfolded into three dimensions which are feelings thoughts and behaviors people people Pleasers are fear of anger and fear That Others May dislike them and they always have the kind of mind said that people I assisted are always going to help me when I'm getting through my hard times but you know what the truth is for most of the cases people won't help you because they're not as kind as you and this vicious cycle is just going to continuously over and over and over again so after after obtaining a more comprehensive understanding of what a people pleaser is it's better for us to do some more practical jobs so the first thing we need to do is to draw boundaries and be selfish the kernel here is to accept the truth that people may probably get angry at you if you say no because the things they request you to do is just so important to them but at the same time you should also realize that your tasks have their a significance as well so you should never compromise and take a step back in the second place is to express yourselves accurately and directly we all have our own preferences and our own things to do so it's completely fine for you to say like sorry my time's not working or I apologize but I've got some other things to do and if that person you're communicating with isn't treating you like a toolman then he or she is going to to like try to stand on your position and understand your position situation right now so simply no cracks will be shown in your relationships so no worries and the third thing that is important for you to do is to set up priorities and to do lists getting use of these two really powerful tools can really help you to understand how your time and efforts are going to be distributed and also this simple me me ISM of order and discipline would just help you like to take all car tasks into account whenever New Missions are going to be added into your schedule and this would also help you to answer the simple question agree or disagree so from now on just try to start drawing your baselines and speak your minds out and also start conducting to-do lists relish more and squand L and I believe Fortune would always favor the gold ones who Ser out their POS of gut of refusal thank you [Applause]