How to overcome challenges and succeed | Detina Zalli & Argita Zalli | TEDxSwansea
[Music] at nine years old i had never heard of harvard university or university of cambridge or university of oxford my sole concern was to make sure my father returned home safe 1997 the civil war in albania had unconsciously trained me to become fearless and yet terrified it is true that for a child there is no bigger fear than losing a parent so i would often sneak out of the house in the middle of the night among the bullets and grenades to look for my father and to find him was difficult at times being an identical twin having urgita who would anticipate all of my actions made it so that i had to have a perfect plan but i never gave up looking for that but what does it mean to never give up to me it means you have to stay on top of your reactions you have to have the patience and the belief that everything is going to be okay that dad is going to come home without being shot you mentioned the word shot because albania during that time was going through a very difficult period many people were killed and wounded and we had to stay locked inside the house for many months in order to feel protected and safe in that tiny place in the small city of patos we called home we were locked for months but yet despite everything nothing nothing could touch the freedom of our minds how many of you it's true that dreams ideas and plans keep your life they give you a reason to carry on faith that everything will be okay and we have to believe that our life is going to change and our plan was to leave albania and soon but how canada united states of america all plans to live albania failed now imagine for two seconds how could a ten-year-old feel when she sees her dreams being crushed in front of her eyes hopeless that's how i felt yet inside me inside me there was something there was something that was stopping me from failing something that was always telling me to aim high and reach for my dreams how many of you have had to chase a dream that has never worked can you raise your hands please quite a few but yet here you are you're still breathing because you're still hoping and you're still living because when you stare at the darkness you choose to see the stars and that's what we did until we saw that until we saw that flashing lights at the end of the tunnel a new plan a new dream had opened in front of us england that was it we had a chance and we had to take it sometimes in life there is no next time there is no second chances there is no time out it is now or never and our time was now but it wasn't easy and as you know things don't always go to the plan that's called life right and our journey to england was a perfect example of chaos complexity confusion hardship dad had been in touch with a doctor in albania who is known to help the immigrants go to the uk we were assured that our journey would be safe that meant no speedboats no fake visas no fear for our own life an acting plan an acting role you had to be a businessman and a businesswoman and take your kids with you to go to a conference for this you had to pay seventeen thousand dollars the money you did not have and that had a difficult job of finding the seventeen thousand dollars in seven days and he managed to get them from 12 different people and it is here where he started to change our life and as i said if it sounds too good to be true it always is and this is one of the examples we could forget about flying to uk we could forget about seeing a real plane that dream was broken in seven days the time it took for that to pay the money seventeen thousand dollars and that's when mafia comes into place and i remember very well the day we were told while they were speaking and pointing at their guns they held in their hands and pockets that there was no such trip with an airplane but that we had to take a ferry to go to bari italy and then take a train to go to milan and then paris and then london barry that's where it happened our first victory now how many of you remember your first victory please raise your hand that's quite a few although the chances of italian authorities letting us pass the italian borders were very small we had to try we had to believe if you believe in victory the victory will believe in you but here's a big question how could a 12 year old convince an expert immigration officer that her parents are going to a conference with their kids at the time when albania was highly known for immigration very simple all you have to do is follow two rules rule number one test the waters to find people's opinions and beliefs and rule number two if you can't convince them confuse them and that's what we did we really really really confused them we had our dreams in our hand for the first time we fought really hard for this dream it was the first time we also spoke italian and it was a pleasant surprise because we didn't know how good we were sir sir you have to let us go please sir this conference is so much to us stop it girls please go away grazie gracias thank you thank you sir i will never forget you live before i change my mind to this day we don't know whether our story of attending the conference convinced the immigration officers to let us pass the italian borders or whether they felt sorry for two twelve-year-olds who are desperately fighting for a better future but here's the thing this was only the first part of the journey little did we know what was coming next was much more traumatic france the only way to go to the uk is by trucks forget about the trains it's the trucks you need to think about and how to get on the trucks and how many times did we fail to get on those damn trucks 22 this is our lucky number it took us the 20 second time for us to enter the trucks and yes our escape one was working you could say so you were finally in the trucks but hey you were scared for your own life remember you were dealing with drug dealers woman traffickers people who had knives and guns in their own hands fear that's what we felt f-e-a-r but how would you define it false evidence appear real a time of no return it is necessary to have a positive attitude and not let the fear define you or your actions at this situation success should be the only option and positivity the only choice and we managed to arrive in uk in dover in foxton but here's the thing that's when we first realized what our dream really meant and our dream meant that you had to adapt to a new role that you had to take big responsibilities that you had to be the parent of your parents that you had to act as an interpreter attend many social services appointments hospital appointments you had to go and look for an immigration solicitor read and understand immigration laws and also register for a school which was very important to us and in addition to finding a job a job because we had to pay the huge amount of debt that our parents were in and we were also told they would only stay in the uk for six months you see after all england was no magical dream i never went to that disney park that i always dreamt of never celebrated my birthday with my friends because i didn't have any and i didn't have anybody to talk to and you see there were moments where i hated my life and you would have hated my life too if you were in my place why did i have to lie about my age and pretend to be 16 years old when i was only 13 so i could work as a waitress to help my parents pay back the debts why did i have to live with the fear of being returned where to a home i now didn't have sometimes you don't realize that it is under this extraordinary circumstances that you live in that prepare you that transform you that make you able to face no matter what and that there will be a light in the end of the tunnel fast forward six years later all our sacrifices all our hard work had paid off as we finally managed to get british citizenship we supported one another we challenged and inspired each other and we changed our life yet even having a twin sometimes has its own challenges 18th of june 2003 that's when i learned my faith the fate of becoming a scientist i never thought of that yes i remember that very well when i told you our gita congratulations you will be studying molecular medicine with me you start university next week well done but hang on a second how can i study molecular medicine if i never applied for it you see don't worry about that because i submitted two applications one for me and one for you but it's our secret nobody has to know and by the way i'm still waiting for you to thank me it's been many many years already and here's this chance in front of this beautiful audience to say thank you thank you for that and and that's how the love of science started and i hope that it's a love that will remain with me forever and this is part of our story at secondary school we were often called the refugee twins from the chats as we grew older we learned that being a refugee is not an insult but it's a badge of strength of power of victory it's through the life of being a refugee that we learn how to be resilient that we learn how to be empathetic and how to make time and help others is through the life of refugee that we learn how to create opportunities for ourselves the first opportunity that i created was when i applied to carry out my post-doctorate studies at university of harvard at 25 years old likewise i've created many opportunities and have been blessed with many opportunities to have also worked with world-class leaders and nobel prize lauret inspired by the former president of the united states barack obama i also joined the harvard professional government where i led many key events such as harvard leadership conference or harvard lectures at last what harvard taught me was not just science but also collaboration confidence and most importantly that success is not a measure at individual level but this how much you're doing for others and how much you're giving back to the society we rise by lifting others so it's now our turn to help the society and that is why we're helping many students from low socio-economic backgrounds from ethnic minorities refugees to enroll in stem so they can have a bright future today we are moms we have two boys each we will teach our children that it does not matter what they do or where they go the important thing is to love and give to the society and most importantly always remember no matter where you're from we all speak the same language the language of dna [Applause]