Transcript

It's Not Just What You Say... | David Beard | TEDxLancaster

[Music] so I'm an educator and I want to make a difference in this world I really do I think most people that work with children they tell you the same thing they want to change lives help youth become great prepare them to be successful in society but sometimes it's easier said than done because it's a daunting task do you know what I've realized throughout the course of my life and career working with people we really only have control over ourselves so what could we control daily that could and I believe will make an impact on ourselves in this world our own positive spoken word there was a book written in the 1930s called thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill according to what Hill writes Andrew Carnegie he was a really successful steel tycoon at the time he challenged Hill to go out and interview as many of the country's wealthiest people as possible at that time and really find out what made them successful so this book became the culmination of those reported 500 interviews one specific piece of this recipe for success that Hill did Hill developed is something that he calls Auto suggestion he defines Auto suggestion as the subconscious mind translating desire into its physical equivalent directly and practically basically if you tell yourself something enough it gets into your subconscious mind you start to think about it so often your brain finds a way to make it a reality it's a pretty cool idea started to make a lot of sense to me in a lot of aspects in my life I remember this marketing study had read one time as well it found that it takes people an average of seven times of hearing the message before they actually buy into something I mean no wonder why commercials try to bombard you just with slogans of products and jingles it makes sense if you hear something enough you actually start to believe it so if the power of the spoken word is truly this strong why not put it into practice I told you I want to make an impact on this world I really do but in actuality I'm not sure I had the confidence in myself to do something of that caliber when I started this project full disclosure here this talk doesn't have a fancy ending where I can't they prove I've made any difference in the world if I have I haven't seen it yet and that's okay I'm a different person because of it and I just want to share my journey with you to this point so I wanted to test this power of the spoken word I wanted to actually brainwash myself into becoming what I wanted to be let me tell you what I mean by brainwashing though it's cleaning and washing out all the negative junk that may be inside your head simply by overloading it with positives that's all so I was determined to brainwash myself into becoming what I wanted I decided to start by just telling myself good things every day I didn't know how to do this though well it was weird like I didn't have the reality is I didn't have the confidence in myself to say or hear good things for myself like it was awkward they just sounded bizarre I didn't know what I wanted to say I didn't know what I wanted to tell myself too so I found one phrase and I've made it my mantra every day and every way I get better and better I love it I was able to own this because I wasn't telling myself things that I probably didn't believe you know like you are incredibly good looking or everything you touch turns to gold every day and every way I get better and better that's all about growth I'm able to grow and become better than I am every day so that's where I started so I picked that phrase and I decided to start telling myself this 25 times every day I don't know why 25 that just seemed like a good number and I could count it on my fingers I was repeating it to myself every day and really it just started off as something to cross off my to-do list but I became committed to it I said it every day on my way to school so I wanted to take this up a notch I decided to record myself actually saying this you know I want to see what I sounded like do you know what I heard what I listened these recordings nothing there was no passion no belief like I sounded like a robot I figured out something very important from that it's not just what you say it's also how you say it I'm gonna repeat that it's not just what you say it's also how you say it this is true no matter who you're talking to your friends your spouse your parents your children even your dog it matters how you say something do you say it so people believe you so when I heard these recordings in myself I changed the way I said it I started to look in the mirror when I say it too like I'll get jacked up every day and every way I get better and better every day and every way I get better and better it made me feel like a million bucks I became obsessed with making myself better so I wasn't done with this yet I wanted to continue we all know how important words are to kids I mean really people in general unfortunately we are going to encounter more negative comments in a day than positive ones even sarcasm is negative by the way so negatives are powerful partly because when we hear something or experience something negative about ourselves we think about it and we spend brainpower analyzing it we don't do that as much with the positives so when this occurs it's going to take more positives than negatives to overcome that self-doubt and lack of confidence that most people already experience so there's a lot of ratios that have been published but the one that I like is seven to one it takes seven positive comments to overcome one negative comment so that means if you hear something negative about yourself it's going to take seven more positive things just to get you back to where you started so at about the same time my wife was pregnant with twins I was really into the spoken word stuff I want to experiment a little so I came up with this list of power phrases and words that I plan to tell my kids every single night look I knew they were going to experience negatives in their life so when they did I wanted the brain to be so full of positives that they actually started to believe these positive things about themselves I wanted their minds to be so strong negatives could not touch them I was gonna brainwash it so I started at about 13 weeks into pregnancy I would literally go to my wife's belly every night and I would just start ranting you're a champion you're a winner you're a superstar you're gonna help and impact hundreds and millions of people like I got into it so after two days my wife cut it Dave I love you but this is really weird so I kept doing it but just like not with my lips at her bellybutton like it was a microphone but I kept doing it every night that it was home I have three kids in now Brooks and Keegan twin boys are six little girl Everly she's four we have a bedtime routine every night we read we say our prayers and then I say stuff to them that's what they call it some nights I'm just tired and I keep it short they call me on it why didn't you only say some stuff and not a lot tell you what you and things saying positives to your kids every night would be easy nothing that you commit to do every day is easy it is simple though half the time I do it it doesn't even seem like they care or are even paying attention I gotta sleep most nights when I'm doing it they're like talking over me they're like making silly noises like throwing underwear at each other but other nights other nights it is special I start into it beard boys are strong tough smart successful beard girls you're pretty strong tough smart successful you're gonna help and impact hundreds of millions of people you can change the world you are persistent consistent tenacious outgoing you're aggressive you're competent you're competitive you've got to go work ethic you finish what you start you fail forward nothing slows you down nothing gets in your way you fail forward you blast through obstacles you've finished goals with a vengeance now they're looking at me you are powerful and explosive and strong in tough athletic and coordinated your champion your winner your superstar you can do anything you want have anything you want and be anything you want they're not in their heads you're a kind sweet you're sincere you're trustworthy you're tender you're loving respectful you're dependable you're accountable you're reliable now they were painting with me you have integrity high standards and high morals you stand up for what you believe in you're a person of character and you do what's right even when nobody's looking you leave people feeling better about themselves than when you found them people trust you love you and respect you you're always excited you're always a beat you're always positive you're always moving forward you are amazing you have charisma and a sense of magnetism you light up a room when you enter it and people are drawn to you you are attractive you're a champion a winner a superstar you're always learning you're always growing you're always winning you love to learn I love you so much and I'm so proud of you goodnight Bobo can i Bubba goodnight peanut pie man it is special so I shared with somebody that I do this every night and they wanted to see it again I could tell that some nights I was just monotone I was going through the motions I want them to know I believe it when I say it to them and I mean it when I say it so I have to say like I mean it it's not just what you say it's also how you say it so I take this back to my work as an educator I've actually seen teachers use this power the spoken word in classrooms think about those kids that don't have people speaking positives into their lives what are they hearing at home or from their peers do you know how much of an impact you can have on somebody on a kid especially if you focus on loading them with positive messages until a certain age they believe everything you tell them anyway every single one of us can think back to a teacher or coach that said something good or maybe bad and it doesn't take you long to come up with that because that things always with you I promise you the person that said that comment whether it was good or bad they were trying to say something so profound that I was gonna stay with you for the rest of your life that's just the power of the spoken word so how do I believe that the spoken word can actually inspire change and possibly even make an impact on this world well first start with you what do you want to have what do you want to be I know you've heard about this principle before but have you done anything with it you need to build your own self-confidence by saying good things to yourself there's an old saying that you will become an average of the people that you associate with however out of all of the people you associate with the person that could have the biggest influence on you it's you because we have control over ourselves second if you have kids or work with kids make sure you're putting good things in their heads you get to control what you say to them and how you say it say it so they believe it I truly feel that you can help mold kids lives by making sure their minds are clean and strong lastly if you work with people practice that 7 to 1 rule tell people what you like about them what you appreciate about them or what they're capable of do it sincerely the truth is if you focus on doing these three things every day you're probably not going to actually see the mark you're making on somebody's life but that's ok because if you're consistent with them I believe you are going to be inspiring change and you will leave this world better than how you found it and in my opinion that's why we're all here anyway thank you [Applause]