Your Story Matters | Lance Reidenbach | TEDxNEOMED
[Applause] good evening ben o'cree a nigerian poet and novelist once said the fact of storytelling hints at a fundamental human unease hints at human imperfection where there's perfection there's no story to tell what an excellent reminder that the uneasy plot developments and imperfect chapters of our stories are just as important as the pinnacle well my imperfect story begins in an ohio rural town with a population of approximately 300 people where one has to plan an extra 15 minutes when traveling anywhere to account for the horse-drawn buggies and farm equipment that share the roadways my graduating high school class consisted of 92 deeply interconnected people through family relationships dating generations back there were many moments of feeling out of place and not belonging like being the only male in my class on the soccer team or being one of six from my class in the band there was a yearning as though there was something bigger and larger out there for me typical of an angsty teenager but it was always refreshing to have a mother who reminded me that it is okay to feel like an other because there's a whole world out there in which you'll be able to find belonging and with the hope of something beyond amish country i eagerly filled out my application to the ohio state university as a first generation college student i had absolutely no idea what i was getting into moving to a city that had 20 times the population of the entire county i grew up in but i was excited to get out and experience more of what the world had to offer during those first weeks i had to use a map just to find my classes but despite how unfamiliar everything was i loved it i found myself not being intimidated by 700 person classes despite how large campus was i felt at home in fact to this day some of my best friends i met just down the hall in my dormitory i soon found myself being immersed with people from all different backgrounds walks of life and perspectives i finally found a place where i belonged this expanse however had realities i wasn't quite prepared to face with every opportunity for acceptance there were new rejections the competitive world of pre-med seemed to want to swallow me whole whether it was competing for research positions or internships everything became an overwhelming pressure for perfection and this constant battle of striving for perfection inevitably falling short and becoming discouraged led to many late nights of me researching the odds of becoming a doctor while also trying to do everything right and balance my life i was so excited at the opportunity to travel to medical schools interviewing i anxiously awaited to hear back from them only acceptances never came reaching out to a couple schools i found i was placed on waiting lists with the hopes of being pulled off by a student taking a seat at another university being a purse with multiple backup plans i was hopeful that the graduate programs i applied to would help me to continue growing as a person and become a more well-rounded candidate for medicine and so i moved back to my hometown to work part-time as a bank teller for the summer eagerly awaiting to hear back from the graduate programs at this point i honestly thought i had reached the climax of my chapter but there was still more to come one night a few weeks in as fireflies danced in the night sky and cicadas hum to tune the first love of my life walked out forever you would think three years would warrant more than a phone call but they were rather messy years heartbroken and devastated i placed even more emphasis on being validated by some program to put hope back in this now shattered view i had of my future i tried distracting myself and channeling my energy into reading books and practicing the piano because i had a wedding coming up in which i was performing all of the music more days passed and rejection emails began coming in regarding various graduate programs and it looked like my part-time summer job was going to become a full-time endeavor the outdoor wedding came with blazing bright sunshine which allowed me to wear sunglasses to hide the tears of shame and disappointment i was experiencing my best friend battling demons of her own assisted to the best of her ability to help navigate through this unfortunately it took a toll on her mental health and as a result i found myself on the phone with her trying to help her feel something after she had self-inflicted gashes on her arms i had never come that close to having someone i love take their own life and it shook me to the core i began to slip into this numb pattern of waking up going to work coming home playing some video games and crying myself to sleep only to do it all over again the next day the sadness engulfed me from every angle i felt helpless and unable to move forward as though every door i had left open for myself had been slammed shut the colors of life had leached away leaving everything in hues of gray it took one of my co-workers speaking love into my life recommending that i seek some help and so i scheduled my first ever counseling session as i sat down on the worn cushions of the teal couch in the counselor's office i really didn't know what to expect i learned early on that i had most of the answers and really just needed an unbiased third party to point out those areas of my life to me i was struggling with feeling like i had failed every single person who had written me a recommendation letter for medical school down like i had failed my family and most of all that i had failed myself this would compound with hating the feeling of crying and shedding tears as i viewed it as such a weakness to be sad my counselor pointed out that crying is so cathartic and healthy and it is a societal pressure that we have placed upon men to be emotionless and in doing so appear strong she also encouraged me to reflect upon the meaning of failure and we work together to bring hope back into my life it was so interesting talking about mental health with various people in my life as i noticed such a stigma as though by me seeking help i had to be crazy but the truth is people seek counseling to heal from damage inflicted upon them by people who should be in counseling if i had my way everyone would attend counseling on a regular basis because true healing occurs when one has an unbiased third party take a look at their life looking back that chapter of my life felt like it had dragged on forever there was a point in which i was considering giving up on medicine entirely but a great mentor of mine shared the story of his struggles and journey to becoming a physician it was through his support and encouragement that i continued studying for the mcat and applied to a post-baccalaureate program associated with a medical school i received the acceptance email to this partnership in the parking lot after having just finished taking the mcat there were still barriers though the program didn't quite know what to do with me coursewise and i found myself at another low point of frustration when trying to schedule classes it just so happened that the physician who interviewed me recognized me she could see the frustration on my face and offered to meet with me i told her my story she took a look at my transcript as one of the program directors offered to arrange for me to get my masters during the two years in the partnership she warned me though that i was being a test subject and my performance in this program would reflect on the partnership i was soon being contacted by the physician in charge of the master's program and set to appeal before the committee on academic and professional progress i'm pleased to tell you i was able to complete my masters of public health while also working part-time and doing post-baccalaureate coursework the opportunity to get my mph work with urban communities and learn about the challenges faced by urban populations when seeking health care has changed the way that i view medicine entirely both of the physicians in charge of these programs are role models for what i am striving to become as a future physician they were new characters introduced in my life at a very difficult time that changed the plot towards something i never imagined would be possible i am standing here today on this stage despite great sorrow feelings of inadequacy having lost my way at times telling you that sometimes the path that we envision for ourselves is not the best path by continuing to push forward in the face of adversity and despair something better than we could ever imagine is waiting just ahead my journey has been quite different from what i had mapped out in my 18 year old head there have been countless tears sleepless nights and scars that cannot be seen with the naked eye but i am the person that i am today because of the trials and difficulties that i have faced my story may be imperfect but i wouldn't have written it any other way there are three main takeaways that i want to impart to you as what i have learned in my short 28 years one it is okay to be sad and to cry two it is not a weakness to ask for help and three people come into and leave our lives for a reason as you continue on this journey called life i just want to encourage you to keep pushing forward ask for help and have grace with yourself you have already come this far and your story matters thank you [Applause]